Although there are other explanations, we all know it's quite possible that the call was from OW. Obviously, Chrys thought it was a likely possibility, and I think she already knew the other plausible explanations when she posted (they are kind of no brainers).

So I looked for the deeper meaning behind her post. What help was she looking for. That is why I brought up triggers. (I have no idea why I am explaining myself to you )


Since Chrys is still in the recovery game, triggers and Chewie's response to them matters greatly.

Discussing the call at this point is pretty useless.

Chrys has no way to find out who called, and she already realizes it could have very possibly been OW.

She knows she is married to a liar whose word cannot be trusted.

She already knows that the affair could be underground. I don't think she's living in denial about that.

So what point ARE you trying to make by coming back to this call again?

Just that the affair could have gone underground.

I thought Chrys posted about it because it was important, and I thought one possible aspect of its importance had not been addressed. The trigger aspect had been, but not the possible continuance.

I'll stop now!

To me, innocent or not, the call would be VERY symbolic to what she (me) are going to have to go through living in the same community, especially in a "recovery" without honesty.

Particularly when WS starts to inevitably slack off on EPs. Is he late from work? Why was he on the computer? How come the cell phone bill mysteriously didn't show this month? Was that OP's car at the same store? Is it really poker night with the boys? Why does he smell like cigarette smoke? Why DOESN'T he smell like cigarette smoke?

...ad nauseam...all innocent, except in the BS's heart...

My WW wants to go out for drinks with her cousin Sat nite. Kinda clear I wasn't welcome. I have a decent suspicion she used the cousin as a smoke screen for seeing OM in the past. Do I pick a fight, which I know it would cause? Or do I have to let her off the chain?

You two should implant a tiny device to keep track of your waywards. Like cows have or pets have.

Microchip them.

If you see any strange "up and down" motions then you know your wayward is not just "dancing".....

I would not trust a word a wayward says to you. Not one word.

I think you are a bit confused about triggers.

Any traumatic event in a person's life can create triggers.

D-day is the traumatic event for a BS. More trauma is suffered from the rewriting of history, the fog, more D-days, false recoveries, etc. An affair being dead or alive is irrelevent to whether a BS triggers.

IT WAS ME THAT CALLED...to :twobyfour: Chewie. j/k

SC, I was of the same mind as you with the "swapped" phones. Hang ups or unknown callers are more of any issue of trust or lack thereof more than a trigger.

Mike - Drinks with a cousin? You could let WW go and then verify that she is with who and where she says. It could be a test depending how you look at it.

Depends on what you are willing to live with.

Your wife is chained because she is untrustworthy. She has done NOTHING to earn an ounce of trust.

If my dog has demonstrated he will not wonder from our yard no matter what tempting animal walks by, I don't need to chain him, do I? Your wife resents the chain, but hasn't earned being off of it.

Sorry Mike.

But what's she going to do about?

She can ask Chewie. We all know what his answer will be. But since he's a proven cold liar, his answer won't mean squat.

Chrys, I can't remember....Chewie did change his cell number right?





Your wife was still lying to you but a week ago.

Even IF you verify who she's with, you have no idea what they are chatting about. If you suspect this person enabled the affair, your wife has no business being out with her/him (?) This person could very well feed her fog. She is clearly still in withdrawal.

I don't know. I agree his answer doesn't mean squat because the suspicion is there no matter what.


Agreed. I'll take it to Mike's thread. Now back to Chewie... :twobyfour:

You're relentless with that :twobyfour: :twobyfour: :twobyfour:

That's the way I see it, too.

A trigger, to me, is a reminder. Like going by a restaurant you know they used for a trysting place.
Or hearing a song on the radio that was popular at D-day and reminds you of how you felt then.

The phone call is not a reminder, it's a red flag regarding possible continued contact. It's not quite the indicator as seeing them chatting on a park bench, but it's a lot more than a trigger, IMO.

Granted, it was a one-way action. It was someone else calling Chewie. Even if we *knew* it was OW, we don't know if Chewie is reciprocating. It could just be OW being a pain in the patootie, or it could have been a wrong number.

It's suspicious enough that it warrants noting, that's for sure.

OK, this is my LAST WORD about the phone call.

I expected it.

Chewie had taken a week off work and been completely unavailable to her after his NC letter.

It was his first day back. I had his cell phone, his private line had been removed, and he was not picking up his inside line unless the call was announced (at least that is what he says.....)

Of course she would call and hang up when I answered. The time of day-- lunch-ish-- just makes that belief more reasonable.

I posted about it because I wanted a safe place to call OW a troll. That is ALL. I did not need opinions, advice or commentary about the risks to me of continued contact.

I get all that. I get that Chewie has lied until he probably half believes his own stuff. He's not recognizable to me.

I still think OW is a troll. My wish for her is that she wakes up tomorrow with a disfiguring but not-fatal illness, a permanent case of laryngitis, and an overnight gain of 50 pounds-- and that her husband loves her anyway.

Is it OK for me to say that without being analyzed to death?

I can't fix Chewie. He may or may not be genuine in his apparent efforts to fix his own stuff.

LOL I'm trying to cut back. At least it was only one smiley.

Sorry if you feel that way Chrys. Not trying to beat a dead horse here. Posting vs speaking with others IRL may come across as piling on because of the method of communication.

I agree that the call could be a red flag; but the man failed a freakin' lie detector test. Are any more red flags really needed?

All we can do is speculate about the call. Chrys can't verify who it was, so the discussion seems moot, other than to point out the red flag that Chrys already knows is there.

How Chewie responds to a trigger can be a red flag as well.

Chrys is still choosing to stay in this marriage, so far. So she notes red flags and eventually maybe there will be enough that she decides to dump him. Maybe not.


We had a few hang up calls that triggered me. They weren't OW, but they were a trigger.

So, I'll agree that the mystery call is a possible red flag...and certainly a trigger (causing a flooding of adrenaline that leads to the typical trigger symptoms all caused because of a traumatic event--or multiple ones).

I think Chrys already agreed with both of those, too.

I'm done I was posting at the same time as you Chrys, so I didn't see your last post until now. Sorry. (I wish there was a smiley with a mouth zipper that I could insert here)

If you're going to pile on, it would be way more fun for me if it were all about the trollishness of OW.

I'm all in on that one. Where shall we start?


We'll probably get edited though. They never let us have any fun around here.

Chrys,

I suspect it was probably her and for the same reason you suspect it probably was her.

And if she is anything like my FWHs FOW then this will not be the last call from her either.

Like i stated earlier she called me all the time during the time my H was out of work.

Only she did not hang up, i do not know if that is better or not because at least i new it was her, this one is taking the cowards way out (why does that suprise me ).

Just TRY not to let her get to you and believe me i know that is easier said than done.