HI Folks,
A quick background. Married 4 10 years in aug. Im 32 wife is 35. 2 kids age 8 and 6.

We had our first "real" fight in nov on 08. I heard the bombs you have all heard. "im unhappy, why are my still married" Blah Blah Blah.

I gave her the space she needed, and moved out for 3 weeks. Suggested MC. Went to 2 sessions. Wife wanted no more. The fight me had was about phone calls and texts from a particular guy at her work. And the cell being in my name, became a huge issue. HMMMM I wonder why?? Anyways, I too did all the wrong things of begging, pleading and all the stuff you are NOT suppose to do. I am back home for the past 7 weeks. And the ice coldness in our home is great!

Wife has seen a lawyer and gave retainer to him just 3 days ago. I have been ignoring her and giving her the "space" she wanted. She sleeps on the couch and I sleep on the bed. I to though I had a great marraige, but that blew up in my face. And like others. She is rewriting history to make it seem like the last 12 years have been s**t. Her "friend" still calls and she will go into a room and shut the door. Yes, a EA for sure, but cannot confirm if it has progressed from that.

For myself, I have taken better care of myself, lost some weight, and have a better attitude towards this. I think I am slowly detaching from her, which is needed. The woundering what she is thinking and doing was driving me bannanas!!.

Like the rest of you, the spouse I married, is no where to be seen. Replaced be a person with a mean attitude, and hateful words to me.

I still love her, and want to keep my family together. Pataiance is what I am learning. But, it is getting thinner by the day..

Is this OM married?



If this was already underway last November and you gave her 3-weeks of "space" it is no doubt a physical adultery.

Don't leave home again and don't let her take the kids if she leaves.

If she has seen a lawyer you need to do so as well soon. Protect your finances and your kids.

Are you in a no-fault state?


Read up on Plan A. It sounds like you have started a little in that.

To save your marriage you must kill the adultery. No steps to recovery will be possible until this is done.

I aint going anywhere..I have made that perfectly clear to her..She has been the one that has been apartment hunting..And claims she is moving out on March.1...Bu nothing is packed, and I am not going to help her one bit..She says she is going to stay at her parents house for the week next week, told her the kids are staying with me...I know about the possible PA..Once i get the smoking gun proof..Look out!!

Oh..I have seen a lwyer and he is on stand by, and the slimeball is not married..

You're sure of that? It sounds like you know him.

What is the relationship they have at work? Is one a supervisor?



Good. Don't let her make a money grab.

Cancel all joint credit cards.

Waywards frequently talk more than they perform.

Are you sure she really met with a lawyer?

What is your immediate plan to get this "smoking gun".

Can you afford a PI?

I know the guy works with her...But dont "know" him...I have already cancelled the credit cards, and moved my paycheck into another account for next payday...I have "secrect" access to her email and facbook accounts, and waitng for a slip up...She gave the lawyer a reatiner already, so I am just waiting to see what comes of it..And a PI?? I have been thinking about that one for awhile..Does that stand up in court??

I am not an expert there but I would guess that it is the ultimate smoking gun and is probably great in a non no-fault state.

If you can't get a PI arranged by next week when she gets more "space" get a GPS tracker in her car before she leaves. The kind you can track from your computer.



Again not to beat a dead horse (I prefer to beat live waywards), how are you sure he is not married? Perhaps a girlfriend?

If the info that he is single came from your WW you can not believe this without verification.

How close are you to your inlaws? I am sure she has fed them all the "unhappy for years" crap by now but what was your past with them?

Next week you can get that "smoking gun" if you put together a great plan.

What do you think you will do if you do uncover an ongoing sexual adultery? You need to think about that.

You know, I have been throwning aorund the idea of calling this co#$sucker myself the last couple of days..I'm just waiting for the right time and my own frame of mind...And no, I knoe for a fact he is not marries, but girlfriend..That I am unaware of...I will look into the GPS thing tonight..And even call and chat to P.I tommorrow..

Hi south bend. You need a voice activated recorder for her car and for the room she goes in to talk to him. You will also need a semen test kit if she still does her laundry there.

I am not advising for or against it, but be careful of this. They are notorious cowards but often tenacious. They usually say something like’ “Dude, we are just friends. But I am so totally out Dude. I would never hurt your marriage Dude. Don’t worry about me Dude.” And then they just go deeper into the adultery slime to conceal it. And when he does tell your WW about the call he will tell her how he gallantly stood up to you and put you in your place.





"Exxxxxxxxcellent" - Monty Burns

My brother used a PI and you better believe it stood up in court!

Yes. This could be done tonight. Get one for that room tonight.

These things work great and are easy to hide. Only cost about $40 for a good one. Practice with it first and be sure to silence any alarms that will sound when batteries are low.

That semen test thing is scary...She's not the one who is sterile!!!

She;s all mad at me right now. Because I have a work fuction on Friday night and she CANT go out with her "frends"..And she's the one that gave me the speech..I want to be alone with the kids right now...Such WAW talk..But, I am in a better place metally in the past couple of weeks..I would have caved in, and let her go out instead 3 weeks ago..And she thinks she can go out when she wants when she has the kids all the time?? Man the aliens have stole my wife..LOL

Ummm... The semen test is to check her panties for semen.
This is very useful, especially when you KNOW the semen is not yours.

Sorry you are here!

You need to buy several kits. Test her panties the next morning. You will find out. When you do. You will have her. And then you can at least lift the veil. Great movie (the painted veil) by the way. But totally full of triggers.

How does anyones conivnce there WAW that there "friend" is more then a friend?? I am doing better listening at what she is saying, and I am not getting trapped in her arguments. At this point, I am doing my best Plan A. Hard when it seems like nothing is coming of it. Was under the impression that she had an apartment for the the 1st of the month..But nothing has come out of bank account..And on what she makes, she cant really afford it anyway..Or her lawyer told her its not good to move 1st..Trying my best not to try and overthink what she is doing, that does no good anyway!!