Yes staying busy. DS10 is getting over being sick. Still congested so I am watching to be sure he doesn't get a sinus infection.

Well some new things have happened. H has said he will not renew the lease with the Sea Hag and is trying to plan to come home. He is very fogged and I have to say I am terrified. I am not sure that he is ready actually, and it really stinks because I figure the conditions will expose this.

I am working on my final conditions per the advice of my IM's.

Well, that's exciting! How did all this come about?

Goodmorning B, I have missed you!!!!

Well I guess I should be excited but I am not. He is massively fogged Up...LOLOL.

He asked to speak to me Sunday after his visit with the kids. He said he has "plan". He kept talking in circles and finally I say can you just please spit it out you are talking in circles. He says that he is planning on coming home. He and the freaking stupid Sea Hag have spoken and they are having a "planned break up" and that she supports his decision in whatever he wants to do I try and ask how he intends on doing this and he say he is working on it and he has a plan. He says he is not renewing his lease but that right now his most important thing is securing his job issues. The company he is working for may be going under. Some of the share holders have started looking for jobs and they are bouncing payroll checks. He says I really need to focus on getting another job right now so I cannot give you a day on exactly when I am coming home just know I am working on it. He would not give me details on their conversation. I don't know I feel like sh*t and should feel good about this.

Wow, T2L! How exciting - and scary. Be very careful. I don't have alot of advice to offer - you have some of the best working with you and I will defer to them.

I would like no more than to see your H defog and return forever to create a happy family with you.

Prayers and hope going up from this neck of the woods.

Take care.

As always praying for you.

As far as H "he has a plan" wayward; that is a good thing in his foggy addled mind, but as far as YOU are concerned "You have a plan" which is the one he needs to follow. :twobyfour:

Dear Wayward, please sign on the dotted line. You and OW have a "planned breakup", WTH is that. Now is the time for those boundaries; he will fight everything every step of the way. But it has to be on your terms, not his.

He is coming out of the fog, but he doesn't know he just stepped into the storm. Before "securing" job, before "planned breakup" his M has to be #1

We want this for you. God knows you deserve it. One step at a time girl, one step at a time.

This is horse manure.
The fog-heads call this "closure" <~~~ said with a sarcastic nasal tone

Personally, I am praying for an almighty blow up with them both. One that leaves him reeling in disbelief that he was willing to lose EVERYTHING for her.

THEN that the reality of it all hits him smack in the face.

He says I really need to focus on getting another job right now so I cannot give you a day on exactly when I am coming home just know I am working on it.

Let him "work on it" and do whatever he thinks he needs to do for himself. In the meantime, figure out what conditions YOU require before you let him come home.

It sounds like he thinks he's calling the shots (he'll tell you when he is coming home). I suspect that when he realizes he can't just waltz in whenever he thinks he's ready, that you have conditions, he'll hit the roof and you'll see another fit of petulance and "You're not the boss of me!"

Stick to your guns, figure out your requirements (NC letter, MB weekend, live on his own and "date" you for a while, whatever) and do not waiver from them.

Set the bar high. The last thing in the world you want is for him to come home with a ginormous sense of entitlement, acting like he's doing you and the kids a huge favor. After all you've been through, and after doing such a spectacular job, you deserve a truly committed partner that is willing to do the very hard work of creating a fabulous marriage. Don't sell yourself short. Keep an attitude of "Yeah? Prove it."

I'm cautiously optimistic

:crosseyedcrazy: Sea Hag :twobyfour:

No, no, no. She does not really support this decision. OW's either break up themselves, or try any ploy to drag it out as long as possible.

Your WH will still try to hold onto her and the family, whether he realizes it or not. That's why your boundaries are so important. Even if he says he's on board and starts implementing them there's still a risk of a relapse. If he isn't willing to accept all conditions at the beginning, chance of a relapse is around 150%.

This is a great start, but just remember you're in PB until his unconditional surrender. If he seems like he might be there, you peek out and he's not, duck right back down again.

He's not serious enough about this yet, but it's a good start. The A is not dead, but it has Cheyn-Stokes.

Also, even if he refuses your conditions at first, it isn't your only chance to save the M. Trust in your boundaries, as any M you have where one or more are broken, is a sham anyway.

Stick to your guns. You hold all the cards. Am I leaving out any cliches???

It ain't over 'till it's over.

Draw yourline in the sand, stay Straight as an arrow, Smarter than a whip, Smart as a cookie, Strong as an ox. You want The whole shebang, The whole nine yards, The whole kit and kaboodle
The full Monty, The whole enchilada.
So Bite the bullet and be Bad to the bone. A force to be reckoned with. Get on your high horse and Turn the tables.
Don't let him Beat around the bush or get all bent out of shape.

Remember waywards are Not the sharpest tool in the shed,Not the brightest crayon in the box, Not the brightest bulb in the marquee, they are not playing with a full deck, are dim bulbs, Their smoke doesn’t go all the way up the chimney, they are a few bricks short of a load and as blunt as a spoon.

Look on the bright side
You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs
What goes up must come down
It’s not over ‘til the fat lady sings
When you have smashed lemons you make lemonade
You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs
Stick to your guns
Keep your nose to the grindstone
Keep your ear to the ground
All is fair in love and war
Don’t blow your top.
Don’t drop the ball.
Rome wasn’t built in a day.
No pain, no gain.
No guts, no glory.
Actions speak louder than words.


And above all

Don't worry, be happy. We love you

It ain't over till the fat lady sings.

Well, I've been thinking about your situation, and all he is saying is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He is working on a plan? That one oughta be good. He can't give you the details? He is going to make his job his number 1 priority?

I would go back to a dark Plan B. You deserve more than this pathetic talk about reconciliation. The guy is smart - so turn off the volume and watch the action.

Yeah, B, he's working on a plan, a plan with hag's blessing

T2L, not to steal the sitch, I called...and she is out again today! Will try again in morning. God has a plan for whatever reason for yet another delay.

I'll throw in my knee-jerk $0.02... but in actuality I defer to your IMs.

My $0.02... This *reeks* of entitlement! I'd be really tempted to say, "Ok, you do what you gotta do... I may or may not still be here when you and Sea Hag enact your "planned breakup." And then I would start moving on in ernest. Not necessarily burning any bridges, but certainly not waiting by the phone or anything. Pretty much done with him, unless he comes crawling back all remorseful and all.

It would take a whole mess a' remorse to clear out that smell of entitlement.

Of course indulging in my little fantasy may or may not be the best thing for you to do. LOL

Apparently I left out quite a few cliches.

Leave no stone unturned