I completely agree with Susan the not so stupid

Only got a few minutes here and MB is down (at least on my computer it is).

I don't think this makes her a serial cheater as she's just transferring the same rationalizations and justifications from one OM to the next. She thinks she's separated and can do what ever the heck she wants. If anything, her behavior could be seen as helping you. What I mean as you, as her sane husband, gets to observe the absurdity of her behavior and thus, not take it so personally. Your wife is ill and soul sick. Her behavior, if it wasn't so hurtful, would be comical.

I don't necessarily like Plan B as a knee jerk reaction to something SHE has done. That gives her to much power over you. Plan B needs to be well timed and on your terms. I don't know if you've got all the arrangements down with the kids or not but all avenues of potential contact need to be shored up before Plan B is implemented. YOU...especially have to be ready for it as YOU will go through withdrawal yourself and come up with every excuse in the world for just one more contact.

Plan B won't work to manipulate her back to the marriage. Plan B is for you because you are just to hurt to carry on and suffering the abuse each contact with her puts you through, such that, if and when, she does wake up and realize what she's done, you'll still have some love for her and willingness to try. Are you ready for that and do you need that protection?

If I were you...I think I'd consider confronting her about the 18 year old (taping the conversation if possible) and then exposing the 18 year old to his parents. Unfortunately, you aren't likely to have much proof of anything on them but an amount of text messages. They will claim "just friends"...no doubt. This makes exposing them more difficult. So there may be the choice of lay low and act unaware for maybe this weekend and hire a PI or snoop out the facts somehow. I think I favor confronting her. You've already got her dead to rights as an adulterer with OM1....so maybe you'll stop this one before it goes PA. I'd consider PA in a week or so...shoring up what I needed to do to prepare first.

Finally...I don't think this makes your young marriage impossible to reconcile. Your wife is clearly chasing her youth. She's in love with being 18 herself again with OM1 and OM2. You aren't competing with a soulmate relationship here but a Godless wife searching for happiness just like the rest of them.

But what do you do when your spouse won't leave her lover? What if she won't move to another state? I have recommended two approaches to this problem.

The first approach that I often recommend is to compete with the lover. Even as she is seeing the man, try to meet her needs, financially and emotionally. That approach has the advantage of proving that you care more about your wife than her lover does. Since you have more to lose than the lover (your family unit and present way of life), you can usually outlast the lover. He eventually finds someone else with less baggage.

The problem with this approach is that it is emotionally draining. You are giving her all you can, and getting very little in return. Besides, most people are totally overwhelmed by the image of their spouses in bed with someone else, and feel more like killing their spouses than meeting their needs. Some can't follow this plan at all and most people can't do it indefinitely.

As a compromise, I usually recommend a time limit for this approach, say six months. Then, if no progress is seen during that period of time, switch to my second approach. This plan is described in chapter 13 of His Needs, Her Needs ("How to Survive an Affair"), and takes the position that marriage is a contract that assumes mutual need fulfillment. When one spouse has an affair, the contract is broken. I recommend that you not only stop meeting your unfaithful spouse's needs, but you should avoid contact with her entirely until she is willing to abandon her lover. When that happens, you return to my first approach, to pull out all the stops and show her that you are willing and able to meet the needs met by her lover.

erichh

I sure the six months time frame is gone as soon as a WW moves onto the second OM.