I am the one who cheated. I went out one night while my husband was deployed. It is not that I wanted it to happen, or really even allowed it to, I was just too intoxicated to say yes or no. I woke up the next morning feeling guilty and betrayed. He is someone that knows my husband. I felt like I could trust him. I needed a ride home and well, it happened. My husband is so loving and compassionate. He has completely forgiven me. It is me that is having a hard time forgiving myself. I love the Lord and my husband. I don't know why or how I let this happen. I feel like the most horrible wife and Christian ever. I know that God has forgiven me, I just can't forgive myself. That is what is hurting my husband more than anything. Can someone please help?

HMD

HMD,
It's a long process. It takes a lot of time. When did this happen?

NOTHING ever "just happens".

You did it because you wanted to and there's a reason behind it.

What's the real reason? I've never seen a woman too drunk to say no, unless she's unconscious and raped.

If it was against your wishes like you CLAIM, you should charge the guy with rape, otherwise you liked it.

"IT" happened because you have poor boundaries. You truly need to examine this.

Why were you out drinking when your H was deployed?

Why did you allow a man to give you a ride home when you were drunk?

We live in a society that encourages us to have poor boundaries, do as we please, "trust" everyone, PLEASE ourselves, BE INDEPENDENT. Those things are fine as long as you don't mind being divorced or being cheated on.

You need to focus on making your marriage affair-proof. That is what will give both you and your H recovery. Please do not think that your H is really over it. He can not be.

Forgiving yourself should not be your primary goal. That is NOT what is causing your H continued problems. Making just compensation to your H will heal both of you AND your marriage.

Read ALL there is on this site about infidelity and building a marriage.

The Vets will be on here soon and give you good advice. Follow it.

Alcohol will make you DO nothing. All alcohol does is reduce your inhibitions so that you don't have a problem doing what you wanted to in the first place. The reason you can't forgive yourself is because you haven't accepted responsibility for what you have done. You slept with this guy because you found him attractive. And when you were drinking you felt fine in having sex with him. A Question. Did you say no once while he was having sex with you? If you did, anything after that was rape and he should be charged. If you didn't say no, you wanted it just as much as he did. Does this clear up any questions.

The best way to avoid a bad situation is not to put yourself in danger.

Going out without your husband to a bar, or a place that involves drinking to the point of getting drunk, is putting yourself AND YOUR MARRIAGE in danger.

Do you get drunk often? Is drinking a problem?

God has forgiven you but that doesn't let you off the hook to experience the damage that you did to your marriage. What do you do now?

You learn to value your marriage more than you did and avoid bad situations in the future.

Read up on the articles on this site. Be prepared to get some :twobyfour: if you don't own up to your stuff.

Welcome to MB.