Hi Jean -

Thanks!! Everything went o.k.....I had a dental visit before the lawyer (nothing like getting 2 unpleasant things done in one day) and because it has been a while since I've been I am going to need some stuff done. W/out being on WH's insurance it will cost me a pretty penny. So I am going to go ahead and get those things started.

The lawyer proposed that he write up a "settlement agreement" and send it to WH. Since WH seems agreeable with the $$ he gives me and the visitation schedule, the lawyer will write that in as the agreement.

For the house - he is going to write it up that I stay in the house and WH continues paying on the second mortgage like we are. The lawyer is going to present it as there is no equity in the house because of the second mortgage. WH will just need to sign a quick claim to me.

The lawyer feels very strongly about presenting it "nicely" BUT also sending a VERY STRONG message that WH wouldn't want this to go in front of a judge. The lawyer said that a judge/jury would chew WH up and spit him out.

Lawyer said that WH really doesn't deserve a penny.

Overall it was o.k. I got a little teary, but managed to stay composed. Hard to believe that I would still be sad about this whole thing.

The lawyer gave me some "homework" - forms to fill out, financial, etc. etc.

Thanks for your thoughts. I am actually ready to be done with this part of my life.

Kim

Hi Kim,

Glad it went OK at the lawyers. I am a tad concerned about the 2nd mortgage situation. So WH is going to pay you CS plus half the second mortgage? If he stops paying the 2nd, your house would be at risk, right?

I assume WH will carry insurance on your DS. Have you found out how much health insurance will be for yourself after the divorce?

You mentioned that your mortgage is due to reset soon. You could get the lender to do a loan modification where they rewrite the loan with a low interest rate so that your payment stays low.

Typically you need to have some sort of hardship and divorce is considered a hardship.

If you don't have any equity in your home you will not be able to refinance, so a loan modification may be your best shot. Just call your current lender and ask them for the loss mitigation department and ask them for a loan modification.

Hi Jean - Regarding the 2nd.....If WH stops paying 1/2 I believe I could pull off paying the other 1/2....I think. But if it is part of the divorce agreement, he would be required to pay, right? But, if something happens and he just doesn't have the $$, then yes, it would put the house at risk.

WH will continue to pay the health insurance on DS. I have health insurance through my work, just not the dental part.

Trying - thanks for the suggestion on the loan modification. I have about 10 months before it resets. I am not that familiar with "loan modifications" and how they work. I will look into that as that might be a good option.

Thanks!

Had another meet-up with the single parents group yesterday & met a girfriend for dinner with her kids (she is the one who referred me to my lawyer). Was a good day. Keeping busy definitely helps. I had become such a homebody..DS had such a good time yesterday too. My girlfriend's daughter and my son were best buds in pre-k but had grown apart since we didn't see them very often. Now they have gotten a chance to re-connect!!

Kim

I'm also trying to figure out what I need to have prepared for D which WH is pursuing.

Re: 2nd mortgage (home equity loan) -- did lawyer discuss what it was used for? I mean -- was it used for community benefit purposes? My WH used ours for other things like taking OW to Vegas or shopping. So I want to make sure those types of expenses are taken out. And my WH maxed out the amount which makes our home worthless.

Any advice?

I am so happy you are doing this, Kim! Now you can start looking forward to a normal life. Why did the lawyer think the judge would chew him up?

We didn't get into what it was used for too much. I think if you were Divorcing and you presented to the lawyer that WH used 90% of it you could possibly use that as leverage in your Divorce Papers. Are you planning on staying in the house or moving? Sorry, I don't your story -- I am definitely a newbie when it comes to finding out about what goes on in a divorce. BUT I am thinking that your lawyer could take your above story into account and work that to your benefit.

For instance, even though the Child Custody support formula would have WH paying me less in CS than he is paying me now, my lawyer said he could write it into the separation agreement for WH to continue paying me what he has been paying for the last 4 years.....


Melody - Thanks for your note! I really am ready for some normalcy.

The lawyer made that statement (chewing him up and spitting him out) because he was just painting a picture for me IF this ended up going to court. He doesn't feel like it will (and I don't either....WH is just not one to fight for anything, except for getting a woman in bed) But I told him about WH's two affairs, how he came home and lied about his past relationship, tricked me into a mortgage and car payment and then got OW pregnant while he was living at home and supposedly reconciling his M.

Judges and juries where I live just don't take kindly to that kind of behavior. And I think I would be so darn likeable that WH would be sorry to even take things to that level.

I did tell my lawyer about OW being a lawyer. He asked her name and I told him. He knows the name and had worked on a case a while back with her brother (also a lawyer). He seemed a bit taken aback by all of that info, surprised. But said that was neither "here nor there" and that it wasn't about her, it was about WH.

I DO KNOW that if WH decides to fight this that I WILL drag OW up to the stand.

Kim