I don't need a PI to nail this guy. He's an idiot, I'm not, and the Internet is, IMO, the most amazing tool ever invented. That particular problem is solved. (1 down, 4342 to go.)

OK, question about Alienation of Affection, if anyone knows. The OM lives in a state where this is still legal. It was abolished in my state. Anybody have any idea how that reconciles? If I can I will in fact throw that at him as hard as I can.

I have begun to better understand Plan A and am working to more correctly and efficiently implement it.

Cannot thank everyone enough. I appreciate the honest and open opinions.

Take some active steps that show you won't put up with your wife communicating w/ OM. Go into her accounts, block his email address, get software to block access to networking sites (facebook, myspace), delete all his contact info in her email, cell phone, wallet, etc. Then see if the cell phone company can block calls from his cell phone, and switch her number with the phone company.

THEN....

Contact OM's mom and dad. You seem young enough that some people's parents still have some influence over them. If they do, great. If not, no harm done. Do you have any big friends back home that could pay OM a visit (nothing physical), and tell OM to back off your wife?

Also if you live in HI, IL, NC, NH, NM, MS, SD, or UT you can file an alienation of affection lawsuit against him forbidding him to contact your wife or he will sustain financial penalties.

Don't put up with your WW's crap. She's actually more likely to leave you if you do. Your goal is getting NC between the two "lovebirds."

I don't know, I would contact a lawyer from that state and ask him.

I want to clarify a step here: is it acceptable to say to my WW that I want NC at this stage? I know one of the primary weapons in Plan A is non-disclosure of my plans.

Don't be afraid of the WW - as others have mentioned, your marriage can survive her anger but not her affair. As for making the OM's life extremely difficult, do it! Don't go around threatening to beat him up but EXPOSE to his family. Do a background check on him! You would be surprised on what you may find out!

Family and friends of who? You? OM? WW?

More importantly... why don't they know?? You need to expose this!
They need to know your WW is married to a man who still very much loves her and is interested in reconciliation.

NC between OM and WW? Yes you tell WW you want NC. Bring up NC isn't revealing your plans in any sort of way. Tell he continued contact is a slap in the face to you and you aren't going to put up with this BS. You don't have to reveal anything to her. If she baits you with comments like what are you going to do about it if I don't stop? Tell her, you'll find out soon enough and walk off.

FWIW, I agree with Krazy on this point COMPLETELY.

WW's should get one chance, AND ONE CHANCE ONLY, to acknowledge their mistake and show some form of remorse for their actions, PERIOD!!!

There are lots of good women out there and life is too short to be wasted on a bad one.

You can contact a lawyer in his state and hire him and have him file the AoA suit.

I sued a guy in another state and he got really scared when he saw the legal paperwork and agreed quickly to a settlement (all I wanted was a refund of what I paid for and didn't get plus legal fees).

So sue him for AoA and legal fees. The papers are often enough to scare him away and make him see that your WW is not worth the trouble.

But I offer this food for thought:

If your wife is unable to have children, then your relationship with her is based completely on love and companionship and she is very unlovable right now. The only thing you have to base your marriage on is totally broken and it will take A LOT of work to repair it.

You want kids. It sounds like you're young. So why not get rid of the cheater and find yourself a woman who not only has boundaries, but is able and willing to have children?

Trust me. There's lots of great women in their 30s who are looking for a good man to have a family with. No need to waste your time on someone who is infertile (nothing against infertile people, but cheating and infertile?) and a cheater.

Still, I'd sue the OM right away and contact a lawyer in his state to do it.

I know my thread has been moved and people are catching up so I wanted to clarify some things.

The AFFAIR HAS BEEN EXPOSED. With everyone's help here I have managed to do so. The response from my friends and family (and most of my W and my mutual friends), has been positive. There has been no response from her friends and family. (I must wonder at this point if this is deliberate.) The OM's friends and family don't care one whit. Regardless of the response, the word is out. To everyone I could get it to.

The A has not yet been stopped. With a greater understanding of the Plan A principles today, I am working towards it. I believe she is showing remorse, but as everyone warns, grain of salt right now. Grain of salt. Otherwise I would be with you on the "get out."

So the next step is to make the OM know you're going to make his life difficult.

Filing an AoA suit forces him to hire a lawyer and spend money to defend himself regardless of your outcome. He gets put on notice that you will not make things easy and that he has to go into a courtroom and justify why he's been talking to a married woman.

Your WW will go ballistic but your response is simple, "I will do whatever it takes to save my marriage and end your affair."

Great, great advice. Lawyer in his state is a fantastic idea, we'll see what happens.

Plan A is in effect and seems to be having some impact. So far she will not agree to NC, but I do think I am reminding her of my old self. Frankly, it's good to be my old self again, everything else aside.

Thanks for all the advice and support! I've definitely needed it. (And probably still will!)

Hey Everybody,

Thanks for all of your help! With your assistance, my WW is not meeting her BF this weekend after all. I am implementing Plan A so I think I will start a new thread in that section. One step at a time, right?

I'll still need lots of help, support, and advice, and I'm thankful to have found all of that here.

Great Travis.

My advice is to keep this thread going in GENQII. Lots of traffic here and by keeping this thread open people can catch up to your situation easier.

Again, good work getting their hook-up stopped! Stay strong with Plan A and keep those attorneys after the OM.

I second that. Don't move the thread and stay here.

But by no means should you fool yourself. You've merely delayed her plans. She still wants to meet with OM and will try to make it happen.

Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear from her.

I agree completely! And I'm sure I've said this before, but you need to SNOOP, SNOOP, SNOOP, SNOOP!

Do not trust her! She's a wayward and will lie, cheat and steal to get her "fix" -- the high of the affair! She will lie to you. Snoop and be sure of where she is, what she is doing, where she is going.

My WW's A is over and only contact since thanksgiving was a text from OM saying "never should have happened...shouldn't have let this get that far...please stop calling my GF...blah, blah, blah" (that was Jan 10th). But I'm still snooping my tail off!

OK, I guess I'm still getting the hang of this place. The story continues.

Plan A appears to be doing its thing, although she is waiting for the "old me" to surface, or to stop acting so "fake." I am trying to make her understand that I'm doing this for me - and truly I am - with medium success. But of course I would be pleased if it could lead us to a better relationship.

Thus far, however, she will not agree to NC. I understand that this is frequently the case, and that's what Plan B is for. I can be patient... but I don't know if she can be. I think it's possible she will bolt (most of her family is out of state and will take her in without hesitation). Do I just stick with Plan A, and see what happens? How much do I stress my desire for NC between her and OM? I have noticed, since the A was exposed, for every 3-4 messages the OM sends to my W, she only has 1 reply. Probably doesn't mean anything, but I'm curious if there are any thoughts. There is still so far to go.

Finances are secure, computer is secure. AoA is in progress, not far yet. I'm deliberately leaving the phone as is to retain ease of snooping access. I think everything is proceeding as planned, just wish I knew what the result would be.

Thanks everyone for all the support and advice. I need it so much!

The thing about Plan A is to expect nothing in return for your efforts. It's expressed love without expectations.

She will continue to lie.

I think the sign that OM is not texting as much might be positive and your AoA suit could bear real fruit and shake him off.

There needs to be consequences for adultery and you're doing the right thing.

I think it means that he is the one pursuing your WW and the one more emotionally invested in the relationship. Afterall, he already dumped his GF, so he is the only single one now. He can do what he wants (communicate to your WW) with impunity. She has you around, so she can't.

That is why you need to make your WW no longer worth his while (AoA). Once he stops pursuing, the A dies. I think your WW is addicted to the attention he has given her.

I mis-read the message you posted about the texting. He could end up overwhelming her.

But your AoA suit should bring a dose of reality to him.