Long day today, haven't slept in two days. I think I might be done. I would still love to fight for and I won't say that it isn't worth it, right now I just don't know if it is possible. There is no point in fighting if there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

I asked earlier and I'll ask again for any links to threads with similarities to my marriage where there is a happy ending. I just want to die right now. I don't know how the hell this is my life.

Looks like your laziness is a problem. Can you fix it?

I can fix anything about myself that needs to be fixed, just had a tough time last night. Lost my will a bit. I got a few hours of sleep and I feel better now. Still not done. Still looking to fight. Question, I have ordered SAA but it hasn't come yet so what do I do now. Should I wait for it to come before I do anything else or should I expose now. Just wondering about the steps.

My mother is coming up today and has offered to talk to WW on Sunday if I would like (they have a good relationship) but if I have her speak to WW what should she say? And should I have mother speak with WW before I expose at this time I am still trying to get OM's last name, so exposing to his family isn't possible. (Yes I am positive he isn't married) Also on Thursday I left it by asking WW to call me when she was ready to talk and that I wouldn't call her for a while should I call her anyway? I feel like every time I do call her it may be a LB, not making deposits. When I was asking for truth from her she actually said "you want the truth, when we talk and I hang up the phone I think to myself I'd rather kill myself then go back to you."

I want this to work, and the reason is not logical, I love her. I love how sweet she can be, I love her humor, I love her passion. Also my word means something to me. I said forever and I meant it. If I quit without doing everything I can what does my word mean?

Even last night when I was thinking about giving up, the reason was that if I walked away now then at least I wouldn't have made her so angry that there will be no hope at reconciliation, somewhere down the line. That's where I'm at. Just need to know what to do.

Just keep fixing yourself, giving what she's willing to let you give her, and maintain your integrity. Women take a lot longer than men to start trusting, I think. She just needs to see you steady, strong, and good. And don't believe ANYTHING she says right now; she is an addict, and everything she says and does is designed to keep getting the fix of the affair.

Anything is possible.

Should I have my mother talk to her? What needs to be said?

Expose to everyone in one shot. Get other people to speak to her where necessary. Let her feel shame of her actions.

Fix her EN's. Speak to OM. Confront him without a missile.

Especially fix the laziness problem. These circumstancs must change you.

Something got through to me. It was a combination of you folks telling me to work on myself and something my brother said. His Fiance cheated on him 5 years back and he went through a pain I thought I would never see. He said to me "remember who you are, don't lose that, you kick [censored], you are confident, you have a totally unreasonable amount of confidence in yourself. Don't let her take that from you." So anyway last night at work instead of walking around in a daze, every time I started to dwell on the pain, I just straightened my shoulders and said "you kick [censored] act like it" I got through the night. I got through it without wallowing.

Question, when should I tell everyone, does it matter if I wait a few days? The reason is that I still haven't gotten OM's last name yet so I can't tell his family yet.

Hire a PI. If you want to save your marriage, it is an essential expense.

I did get the last name and it is odd enough and I know what town he's from so I shouldn't have a big problem finding the parents. Any other things that I would need a PI for? When should I expose. Now or should I wait till she talks to me again to try to meet EN's?

Also can someone give a me a link of Dr. H talking about exposure, specifically how it should be done and when?

Thanks

Tell them that you are trying to save your marriage. Tell them there son is involved. Ask their advice on how to stop it.

So I'm coming to peace with the fact that my marriage is over. I just don't know if it is worth saving. I know that many of you told me that from the beginning but I guess I had to be sure, she may not be worth the effort but my word and my vows were. I'm going to wait a week or two so I can be sure that I'm doing this from a rational place then if nothing has changed It is time for plan D.

I'll stay on the forum and I want to again thank everyone for everything they've said and done. This forum has been a lifeline for me. I appreciate all your help in trying to save a marriage that many of you didn't think should be saved. It turns out you were probably right but still I have found no judgement here only help. Blessings on all of you.

God bless you and keep you. Shift you focus to him.

This is a right you have as the BS. You didn't break your vows and you stayed true to them. No one can fault you for leaving a cheater.

Indeed, it's one of the very few biblically approved reasons for divorce.

But let me tell you as someone that has been through it, that while it will hurt a lot at first, you will eventually heal and you'll see for yourself that women in their 30's (which is what I highly recommend you stick to) are awesome.

Take a break. Heal. And come back with a vengance.

{{{DH}}}

Better days are ahead. It may not seem like it, but there's someone out there who will cherish you like you deserve.