I am new here, and wonder if anyone has ever gone through this. My H is probably going through MLC and has been unhappy for the past couple of years. We have been married only 4 years but together almost 7. He met up with the OW, his steady 30 yrs ago. It was coincidence but since that day in Nov, he could not get the OW out of his mind. They ended up going to a hotel in Dec while I was at work. She is married (now separated too) with 2 older children and one very young one. My H and I are empty nesters.
On NYE he told me that he needed space..I had no idea of the OW. I agreed and told him I understand. I lived in our house for 2 weeks, but he was very distant. I told him maybe I should move to a temporary location in order for him to sort himself out. I found a month to month rental and here I sit. On my Birthday last week he told me about the OW. Her H found out and was going to tell me so he needed to tell me first. Now our house is up for sale and he plans on moving in with her. We had no problems in our marriage except maybe we fell into the rut of work and being too tired to spice things up. We never fought and had all things in common.
I want to save my marriage..this is my third one and thought my last one. Finally I found my soul mate. I don't know how to get him to come back. He tells me he loves me but not like that anymore..it is different..he loves the OW. How can he after only a couple of months? He hadn't seen her in 30yrs? People change don't they?
Can anyone give me a suggestion?

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It was a mistake for YOU to move out of the home. The one having an affair needs to be the one to leave the home. It would be better for you to be in the home and let him rent a place.

Can you move back in?

No..we now have an offer on our house and he too is moving out. I could not afford the mortgage on the house. But now I am left with no home and no husband. I truly want him back..I really don't care about the house and I think that he is making an impulsive decision to avoid looking at his deeper issues.

Welcome to MB.

First off you should not have moved out. If the WS needs space (which really means they are having an A and they don't want you to be around to interfere) then THEY move out. Do you want to sell your house? If no, move back home and then he can move out. It's not your problem or responsibility to solve his living arrangements during his A.

To understand the problems in your M that brought about this environment where he chose to go outside your M, it's necessary to get a little history, both in this M and in your last two. The first question everyone asks is when you got involved with this man were you single and was he? Legally single?

You may say what does that matter. It matters a lot.

People have A's because they don't protect their boundaries. This "high" that he is getting from this A now trumps everything and everyone in his life. It's the feeling that he wants not necessarily the OW, she could be anybody. But it was easier for him to connect because he had had a R with her years ago.

The principles on this site will help you to understand the dynamics of A's, so read all that you can. Get Surviving an Affair and read it. It'll help you to see that all A's are the same. Know that most A's end within a 2 yr period and most M that were born from A's have a very low percentage of making it.

If you want to save this M, there is work to be done. Read up on Plan A and B. You will have to expose this A to anyone who can have any influence on him and you should contact the OWH and have him do the same. Busting up the A is the first thing you have to try and exposure is your best weapon. Make sure you don't threaten it, you just do it. You tell people calmly and ask for their support. The more light that is shone on this A the easier it is for the APs to see how disgusting their behavior is.