I'm seriously considering divorce from my H.

He hasn't been my H for the last 2 years. Yes, he's been gone physcially over a year and about 3 months he seems sincere about making us work but...he always does this, he always says this right before he gets back after being away for a long time.

I really don't have a support system set up. I have friends who know some of my stuff that I've been doing, but I feel they are either too judgemental, don't want me to even consider divorce, or have too much drama going on or just don't have enough life experience to really understand (like my younger sister who is unmarried, with no kids). My counselor knew us who saw us 2 years ago while we were going through our reconciliation phase is the same counselor I just started seeing last month. Unfortunately yesterday he told me he is no longer going to be in this department, and will be in charge of something else. I'll be seeing a new counselor after next week, just right when my H is coming back and will be able to attend counseling with me. I know I could look at this as a new beginning, start with a fresh slate. My new counselor will get to work with the here and now, and be able to read the notes that my former counselor had on me....it's like I have to start over and rebuild a new relationship with a new counselor....especially the former one has known us for about 2 years and remembers the person i was before. I am more disappointed that the people who I can be completely honest to, who I don't have to lie to, has significantly shrunk in half. The only other person i feel more honest with is this male friend that I met recently but only because I have nothing to lose with him, nothing to hide.


I dont know what it is, but the love just isn't there anymore for me. Maybe it will be different when he gets back in person for good. But I don't trust my feelings at first......I'll jus be happy to have him home. But once day to day comes back, and he goes back to being the same person...am i going to stay for that? I mean, I didnt realize how unhappy he was with me before and his decision to want to leave me 2 months after our youngest son was born caught me by surprise. I fought to stay with him because I didnt' know what to do, with 3 children to take care of. i wasn't ready or strong enough to handle doing it by myself. By the time I said fine okay I'll leave, he got back to his senses and said okay we'll make it work. But again that was when he was gone for a month. When he came back and we were trying it was strained. After one major fight, he went back to wanting to leave me. It went like this back and forth at least one other time always after he got back from something.

So can you blame me that I'm a bit weary that he is saying this stuff, that he wants us to work, etc. when the history just tells me that it wil just go back to him wanting to leave me again? How many times are we going to do this game?

I could use some help or support please.