Hi Holy,

In the beginning I read the similarities and just couldn't imagine that my WH was just like the rest. But I have to admit between you and Hope I am really grasping how waywards are ALL the SAME.

They are SICK, POISON, ICKY and DESTRUCTIVE to the family unit.

Are you in Plan B?

Yes, Plan B. Actually, Plan D since WH filed and I responded.

IM contacted him directly today for financial stuff related to DS's college financial aid. But upon discovering missing money, I had had enough. So I contacted WH via text to inquire about it. And, well, he reacted like a raving lunatic. And he knows me -- so he should know that I'm smarter than the average bear and starting to find financial discrepancies that will BRING HIM DOWN.

Interesting that now my obsessions are about money. I could care less that he and OW are scr3w1ng the hell out of each other every morning, noon and night. Who freak'in cares anymore? They deserve each other.

I'm just pissed that he's finally scr3wing me -- but not in a good way. He's messing with my money and the kids' money. And it's not a lot of money -- really. It's the principle of the matter.

And as for "my money" -- I have none. WH is trying to leave me with HUGE debt that I need to protect myself against. I'm not going to get saddled with costs that can be considered "community waste." (Learned that term on-line. It's expenditures by one spouse that were not for the benefit of the marriage. And guess what? Gambling losses fall under this.)

So I'm learning new skills. Lucky me!

Oh yes, we all learn those skills that we never really knew we needed. Because we are SURVIVORS and GODDESSES.

I too didn't imagine WH messing with the money, but true to wayward alienship, mine took on that same role as everyone else's.

That's truly the beauty and the sadness. The wayward mind is predictable, sick, toxic, dangerous and a threat to our well being. But it seems to be all the same. So what can isolate us into disbelief that the men we once loved are these foreign monsters who do mean and hurtful things, we can take a huge comfort that we all have gone through it at one point and can share our experience on how we walked through that one part.

The advice we get to help us survive, will become the wisdom you have to help someone else when then come after you and sadly it will happen.

If I may be so humble as to offer one suggestion. The wayward mind thrives on chaos because an addict needs that for whatever reason. I wish I knew because being an addict myself, I could stop it when I first notice it. They create chaos to survive, they create chaos to pull us back into the drama of their life.

If you can somehow cleanly disengage yourself from that, you will be better off in the long run. I just learned this week that there is a strong possibility WH broke up with crack ho. Don't know if its long term, permanent or just more chaos. Before Plan B, you can bet your sweet drink that I would have been moving heaven and earth to figure it out, make it work to my advantage, etc. Today, I understand that my D might still happen, but what even more amazing has happened, even through a D, I am prepared to take that man back should he decide to give me another chance.

I, like Hope and you believe you love your H and would like him to come home under the right circumstances. Try to keep in the back of your mind, Plan B will protect you even if you get to Plan D. Because it protects any love you have left for your H, should the WH disappear and the H show back up.

You really are doing amazing. It's not something we got a manual in high school for.... Either that or I was out at the tracks smoking weed during that lesson

Protection of your assets should be first. Let your lawyer do these.

Speak to him yourself about restoration of the marriage. Let the lawyer cover all the other details that forms divorce. This way when he speaks to you, he knows that he is not talking to a lawyer but a lover.

Between the two of you his way will be reduced and you will become the only option.

Darn those roller coaster dips. Woke up this morning and the waterworks just started.

Can't shake the sadness. Just can't shake it. I feel beat up. And this is only the beginning.

I understand about getting the attorney to talk about the money part. But the kid part is what's on my mind right now -- and the ME part.

DD17 got home late last night from visiting a boy "friend." Late as in 1:30. Way past curfew. And she didn't answer the phone when I called.

All of this -- crap -- falls on my shoulders. And more crap to follow while WH emjoys his vacation and his "stick it to you" attitude. He's just thinking of ways of breaking me.

Sorry Holy.

Have a home meeting - tell them your not coping without the loss of dad and that you need their help.

Play open cards without knocking dad.

Yes, thanks for the reminder. "Family meeting" is in order.

And more texts with WH today. His numbers didn't jive and I needed to get the form completed today.

His response: "Did my best."

My response: "That's your best? Whatever. You don't give a chit. Fine."

End of war.

And why would I think he cares? Day 56 and he hasn't seen the kids, but he's been to Vegas 3 times and the beach once. And -- he's threatening me financially.

What love am I protecting in Plan B? I hate this WH and his FU attitude. And I'm suppose to remind the kids that he loves them? BS.

Cry. Angry. Mellow. Cry. Angry. Mellow. Cry. Angry. Mellow. Stop it. Stop it.

Not a roller coster but a merry-go-round.

No, don't say that. Say that the actions he has done is wrong. It is your hope that he will return to the old dad.

Encourage thoughts of old dad.

Old dad was such a good dad. Loved like crazy by his kids and respected by EVERYONE.

New dad is an idiot. He's so full of himself.

DD15 texts him nightly "Are you yourself tonight?" She misses him so much. And the other two have pretty much given up.

He has abandoned them everyway except financially. And with him "lending" out their money to a "friend"...I guess he's failed there, too.

Never, never in a BILLION YEARS would I have imagined this man turning into the monster of today.

He's had A, abandoned us, lied, stole money, incurred unimaginable debt, bullied, alienated his family and friends, ruined his reputation...the list goes on.

As Taylor Swift sings "Was it worth it?"

And didn't Sara Evans sing "When You Were Cheating"?

I have a feeling that's how this will end up. The karma bus is coming!

I wanna drive! ....I don't have a license though.

And may the bus be long, and heavy, and -- oops -- aimed at OW's ugly-a$$ face at the same time. ALL ABOARD...

Wait. How come you don't have a license since you are the bus driver? Your name is "Karma S. Rose", right? How much longer before you get your license, buy a bus, drive to California, and run over my WH? I need to know so I can plan accordingly. You know, like, do I just buy the one plot or two?

I should hit sometime in the next six months to a year.

Maybe just one plot. You can dump both bodies in it. ONE of you has to conserve their money!

Hi Holyheart {{{{hugs}}}}}, tried to contact you. Can see you are having a tough day. I am so sorry. I will be up late tonight.

WH saying it was the "best" he could do with the financial stuff. WTH...he is a BANKER! poor excuse. What bank does he work for so I NEVER go there.

As for your D17..she is using this situation to her advantage. bigtime Family meeting...pull the cell phone. That always kills my D15. We try to be both mother and father to our kids but they are teenagers. Always pushing buttons.

Pull that karma bus, I have some carcasses that I can throw in. One is mostly plastic... take care..

Maybe I'll get a VW Bus (van?)

I will now offer translator services as well as Karma bus tours!



Holy, I'm doing what I want, be quiet so I can keep doing it.

Hey, Hope:
Got your messages. Went to mass then to SILs with DD15. Ended up renting a moving, picking up cold medicine for DD AND chocolate, and finally dinner at McDonalds at 10.

When they say "keep busy" I try to do what I can -- especially on a Saturday night. Getting out of the house ANYWHERE sure makes me feel better.

Sunday should be a day for yardwork, but not if it rains.

Yep, I was down earlier. Actually down, then up, then down, then up, etc. Helps talking it out. SIL is a good listener. She's married to my BIL -- WH's brother. Actually, SIL and BIL divorced about 8 years ago, but got back together after about a year. They realized it was easier and better to stay together for their girls -- who were little at the time. Their girls are now 16, 14, and 12. And SIL and BIL get along fine.

So there is hope after D. But there never was an OP in their marriage. SIL just got fed up with BIL and all the time he spent away from the family.

Hope and Holy,

I forgot to mention that all this is done in G-ds PERFECT TIMING.

Keep to your side of the street. Protect yourselves, love on yourselves and let G-d have the WH's.

G-d is hurting over THIS way MORE than you could EVER understand. TRUST him. Keep FAITH he is working to turn this all to good.

My kids are hurting as well.

DS17 pulled the same trick as DS16. Text at 11:30 that he was at friend's house playing video games. I fell asleep. He texted again at 2:30 that he was staying for the night.

So both kids are rebellioning. And DD15 is sending her nightly "Are you yourself today" messages to WH. DD15 just got a boyfriend, too.

Day 57 and no contact between WH and kids except the occasional text message.

I want to intercede. I want to call WH and ask that he take the kids out to lunch or whatever and spend time with them.

WHAT DO I DO? NOT FOR ME, BUT FOR THE KIDS?

YOU STAY OUT OF IT.

I had the same thoughts and desires, but the TRUTH is, that's HIS relationship with the KIDS. Not yours.

Unfortunately the burden of raising the kids becomes YOURS and I encourage you to find the strength to be resourceful and help teach the kids when life treats you like .... ICKINESS... you find a way to survive.

Of course the kids are hurting, and its only NATURAL for us to want to protect them, take care of them and fix things. BUT, I implore you to grasp this is THEIR journey too. G-d doesn't have grandchildren. He will be there for the kids too.

Mark taught me to turn to G-d and have him be my husband. I talked to G-d about what to do, how to help the kids, I prayed for the kids.

BUT I STAYED OUT OF IT....

Be VERY VERY CAREFUL about this! Fathers abandoning adolescent/teen daughters is the number one reason such girls turn to rebelling, drugs, alcohol, and SEX. Set up HUGE rules about this.

NO guy at home without you there. No outside dating until YOU are ready. He can come to your house but she can't go anywhere else. If she says she's going to a friend's house, you CALL that friend's parent to make sure she's there. Please be careful!

Hi Holyheart, hugs to you. I know how difficult it is with one but three kids and no contact with Dad. Truly sad.

I talked to my cousin today and she said her daughter was e-mailing D15 and that she sounded depressed over her father. I have initial meeting with IC for her in a week.
Our your kids going to counseling at all. I think it will be a good thing. Sometimes us Catholics try to work things out on our own and never ask for help. They are crying for help in their own way.

As for talking to WH, look what good it did me. I had that heart to heart with H on Friday, tears in his eyes. What did he do this weekend??? Nothing - Zero - not even a text message. So have to agree with Queenie will do no good trying to talk to him in Fog country.
My friend made a good point to me last week, I was feeling sorry for myself about D15 and everything on my shoulders. She said "God entrusted you with taking care of D. God knows that H is incapable right now and he gave you that privilage to take care of her in spite of H. "

How true. Take care. Let me know how you make out with the kids.