What Miss M said...

his mom is insane. Protect yourself! Get that restraining order!

Yikes. My in laws actually back ME in my case....but she sounds like a nut.

little bit,

Sounds like the whole family is whacked. Is there any chance you can get outta Dodge? That good job you have--any way to transfer to another location?

Restraining order, at the very least.

Stay strong!

RHW

I heard from him this morning. He said he would sign over everything to me.

He said he did see a future with that woman and he was moving up to her town to live. He gave me a bunch of bologna of how he just needed somebody to have faith in him and trust him & I could give that to him. It hurts like hell but how the OW could trust him I'll never know. I guess I should look at it like she will get it coming to her and he will too. I mean he has cheated on his wife for years, even cheated on her with two others. If she thinks she won a prize then good luck to her. He won't change, he has cheated too many times. He wasn't a one time remorseful WH.

Now I wish I could stop hurting. I guess it will pass in time.

His mom is a nut case. I am glad to be getting rid of her. That email she sent was something a lunetic would send.

littlebit29,

Just read up on your posts and so glad to see you changed the locks & that you are mad as he!!. My ex was also a sereal cheater and I allowed it for so long. The only thing good that came out of our marriage was our son, however now I'm raising him alone with no support and no father figure for him so it's really hard. I also had to deal with the verbal abuse not to mention the 10 affairs I found out about and can prove. There are probably lots more I don't know about. My ex MIL always chimed in to protect her baby boy and in her own way condoned his behavoir and actions. It was never really his fault but always mine. Hmmmmm (Don't think so). She was also very abusive to me every chance she could get.

You have received tons of great info and sounds like you are taking it. Good Girl. Don't answer any calls from your MIL or even respond to her ugly emails. Don't get rid of it, just simply forward to the attorney. Stay really busy. I know you still care about your WH and will feel sorry for him but Don't. He is only manipulating you. What helped me was a post I saw on here (not sure who posted it) that said everytime your WH opens his mouth to say anything remember Charlie Brown. When the teacher or adult would talk to the charchters all you could hear was, "WA WA WA". Made me laugh and just move on cuz everything he said was a lie and I knew it. I also started finding support, like church and hobby's lots of friends and family. Everytime I felt weak I had somewhere to turn.

I'm still having problems with my ex coming to my home and trying to barg in thinking he has the right. He will start beating on my doors & windows at 7am every sat & sun and it would drive me nuts. My attorney told me to start calling the police, which at first I didn't want to do because of my son. I didn't want to scare him but the banging on the doors & windows was also scaring my DS. Finally I listened and did it. That junk stopped immediately.

Don't answer the calls either from your WH unless you absolutely have to regarding an issue but keep it short. If he starts being abusive, simply say, "This conversation is over". Then hang up. You will be amazed at how good you feel.

You are so young and I would hate to see you waste your life on somebody who doesn't love & respect you the way you should be.

I had the same fears as you do and I have discovered thru IC that I'm a great person and a strong woman and can handle pretty much anything. You can too.

So I finally went to the doctor and got on some anti-depressants. I also let him no that he is no longer a part of my life and he should forget I have existed because I was doing the same to him. But I was sitting here thinking about what I should be thankful for so here it is...

- never have to worry about him lying to me again

- no more looking for signs everyday that he’s cheating

- no more checking his clothes for hair or girl’s smell

- never have to be on pins and needles worried that what I do will make him cheat

- can come to work without being distracted all day wondering where he is

- never have to worry about him giving me a disease

- no more spying and checking his phone for strange numbers

- no more checking receipts to see where he’s been

- can lay my head down at night and know that whatever he’s doing he’s not doing it to me

- for once I can think about what Kristy wants

- no more thinking day after day if he loves me or her

- no more crazy mother-in-law

- no more emotional beatings from him

- learn to live by myself and take care of myself

- can finally meet someone and hopefully have a baby



What I’m sad about… losing 16 years with him but what’s worse, losing 16 years or the rest of my life? I know God has a plan and I have to accept it because nothing I do will change him.

Now that I think about it, it was exhausting being married to him. Plan out exhausting! I’m just fighting now b/c I’ve been rejected and I really ought to be thankful. He is not worthy of me and he doesn’t have the same value system as I do.

Maybe the meds are working??? LOL!!!!

Bravo to you, littlebit!!

Oh, I like your list!
Might have to make a similar list for myself....

Good for you. You have so much in front of you!
(and amen to the crazy mother in law...I'm still trying to get my head around that).

As for me, well, my WH, who claims to have found the love of his life, is more miserable than I have ever seen him. And I grow stronger each day. I told him that the only way I could even see doing marriage counseling was for him to cut contact altogether. He's been crying all weekend. I have no idea what he is going to do, and frankly, I have to see actions to change anything about what I'm going to do.

And all of my ducks are almost in a row! I'm close to plan B, and I read your list, and think, yes, would that not be nice not to WORRY, to not look over my shoulders, and check the cell phone, ...ugh. But the hard part for me is the kids.

Ok, enough about me! Good job!

Litbit,
I'm so proud of you. What a turn around. Keep repeating positive affirmations to yourself every day and you will keep getting stronger.

You can get affirmations and quotes emailed to you everyday. I use this site.

www.desktop-quotes.com

GG

OMG!!!! The other woman says she is filing an arrest warrant on me. She claims I took something out of her purse Friday night but won't say what. Honestly her pusrse was in the floorboard of my husband's truck but I did not go in it. I did look at her phone and my husband's phone which were sitting in the cconsole. This all happened today after I sent a letter exposing the affair to her parents. How do I not have a right to enter my husband's truck? I don't understand. I talked to a friend whose husband is a sheriff and he said she can file a warrant if it's under $500. I am scared! I didn't do anything wrong but it sure looks like it because I did enter his truck. The truck title is in his name but isn't married property pretty much each others? Help, I am so nervous that I am going to get arrested at work or something!

Other Women LIE.

You said "she SAYS she's gonna file a ....."

Until she does it...don't fret about it as nearly all waywards fear OPEN COURT ROOMS where their sleazy behavior will be put on display for all to see.

OW is clearly not thinking this through and/or she is attempting to make you appear as a thief to your own husband (and, thus, HER the victim)

btw...I am a lawyer. I also have a close cousin that is a prosecutor.

Prosecutors AVOID domestic disputes like the plague. They do not generally prosecute "he said/she said" type cases involving husband, wives and paramours.

I presume you have keys to your husbands car. That, pretty much constitutes consent to you entering it. I'm sure he also has likely consented to you viewing his phone in the past. Sure he may have been hiding it recently but you didn't know why...until you saw it. If questioned, remember, you are under NO OBLIGATION to make any statements to anyone. You must be careful of everything you say. For example, if you touched her purse to move it so you could get your husbands phone (or to just look inside), then they MAY be able to get your fingerprints off of the purse. If you state...I didn't touch her purse...then they've got you in a lie that makes you appear guilty. So be careful what you say and if you aren't sure...say nothing and ask for a lawyer (which you may have to request 10 times before they stop asking you questions).

Remember...the last thing your husband and OW want to do is be in open court testifying against you, their victim, all about their illicit affair. Instead of shrinking in fear (which is what is likely their goal...manipulate you into shutting up)...challenge them and welcome the opportunity. I presume you stole NOTHING...so don't fret a warrant. A warrant is a FAR cry from a conviction.

Mr. Wondering

p.s.- hypothetically speaking...if you or someone in your position came to me and said that they happened to have accidentally found something in or around some Other Woman's purse in their wayward husband's car and asked me what they should do, I'd suggest hiring the best attorney you could immediately and that they make NO STATEMENTS whatsoever to anyone regarding the matter. In other words, if such hypothetical person actually stole something, they should NOT try to lie their way out of it, but, in a case like this where the "victim" deserves it, leave the state with it's full burden of making it's case entirely. Give them nothing. But, I'm a tax attorney, myself so this really isn't my legal opinion. Personally, I think OW's purse shoulda ended up in a lake or something....followed innocently with, what purse???? Her filing charges is like a rapist suing his victim for giving him herpes.

p.p.s. - what state are you in? In some states you can file alienation of affection claims. In other states, like mine (Michigan) adultery is still considered a felony (though it hasn't been prosecuted in years). If she were to press charges...you could, in Michigan, seek to file some kind of complaint (counter-complaint) against her. Best defense is a good offense.

I live in Alabama. I am so confused how she can claim I stole something out of her purse four days ago. seems like she should have done saturday. I did have keys to his truck and it was parked in a parking lot. This is a huge mess and I wish I could just get out of it. WH is not helping at all. He keeps saying I went to far this time not even really defending me except to say he is trying to stop her because of my little sister. I sure hope whatever he does stops all this. I just want them to go away. Maybe she is just mad but I'm not sure what to do.

This is all just bullfeathers, little bit. She has no proof of anything, she's just trying to intimidate you. Calm down and say nothing. Wait her out. She's most likely bluffing, and in any case, HAS NO PROOF!

I am more concerned with something you included in your list of things you don't have to worry about anymore, in an earlier post. It's this:

"-never have to be on pins and needles worried that what I do will make him cheat"

WHHHAAAAAT??? YOU made him cheat? YOU? You are so powerful that YOU could make him do such a heinous thing? Get rid of that thought. HE is the ONLY one responsible for his actions.

If you could MAKE him do that, why couldn't you MAKE him stop?

Full steam ahead with your lawyer!