I am new here, and wonder if anyone has ever gone through this. My H is probably going through MLC and has been unhappy for the past couple of years. We have been married only 4 years but together almost 7. He met up with the OW, his steady 30 yrs ago. It was coincidence but since that day in Nov, he could not get the OW out of his mind. They ended up going to a hotel in Dec while I was at work. She is married (now separated too) with 2 older children and one very young one. My H and I are empty nesters.
On NYE he told me that he needed space..I had no idea of the OW. I agreed and told him I understand. I lived in our house for 2 weeks, but he was very distant. I told him maybe I should move to a temporary location in order for him to sort himself out. I found a month to month rental and here I sit. On my Birthday last week he told me about the OW. Her H found out and was going to tell me so he needed to tell me first. Now our house is up for sale and he plans on moving in with her. We had no problems in our marriage except maybe we fell into the rut of work and being too tired to spice things up. We never fought and had all things in common.
I want to save my marriage..this is my third one and thought my last one. Finally I found my soul mate. I don't know how to get him to come back. He tells me he loves me but not like that anymore..it is different..he loves the OW. How can he after only a couple of months? He hadn't seen her in 30yrs? People change don't they?
Can anyone give me a suggestion?

Protect your finances.

Phone her up and ask what she intends to do with WH. Oh yes of course, expose immediately to evreyone relevant.

so sorry your here, you have come to the right place.

there is no way that they (H and OW) could have a foundation for a "happy ever after", their relationship is built on lies and deceit, not a good way to start any relationship.
Yes, maybe you/him fell into some kind of day to day rut, but he decided to seek outside the marriage with OW instead of going to his W, which is where he should of gone. Do not blame yourself, you did not make him do thid, he did this on his own.
you shouldn't have moved out, can you move back in? is he still there in the marital home? when you moved out you gave him the freedom to continue his A.
They all say the same thing, I don't love you anymore, never did, if he loved you once he can love you again.
Read all the popular links to the right of the screen boxed in red, thats a start.
Had he been in contact with the OW for years? or did they just recently meet up?

Thank you for the responses. I can't move back into my house..the offer came in and we accepted it. He plans on moving to rental with the OW..They just recently reunited Nov 6..had not seen each other since 1979.
I want him back, knowing he is making a very huge mistake..but I can't get him to look past the rose coloured glasses.
It will only push him farther away at this point. Now he has a woman that does not have the same common interests as I have with him..tennis, golf, cyceling...no children at home and still young enough to have lots of fun.
Now he is saddled with having her 10 yr old around..and she does not do any of the activities we do..I don't get it

It was a mistake to move out of your home to give him "space". It was also a mistake to agree to sell the house prior to any permanent separation agreement (e.g. divorce).

That said, there is still some hope here. Quite likely once he moves in with the OW, their relationship is going to be tested by reality and will likely start to fall apart. Therefore, if you want to save your M, your task at this point should be to practice a perfect Plan A for as long as you can, to show what your H is giving up for his A.

Also, his A should be exposed to anyone you believe could assist in ending it.

Finally, don't believe your H's version of events. Contact the OWH and share notes. It's quite likely a bit more has happened than you've been led to believe.

I thought at the time I was helping him..he was always my priority..also he could afford the mortgage on his own better than I could. We are separate financially.
I have tried plan A on him with zero results. He is saying he has to do this with the OW to see if they were meant to be together...to recapture his relationship with her after 30 years. He said he never was able to get this 'girl' out of his head. Always wondered if he should or could have made it work with her way back then. By the way..she dumped him back then. That is first love stuff..how does one hold onto that until they are 49 going on 50?
He has lost me, our home and the respect of others for this. She has lost her husband of 27 years (my H is very good looking and hers is not) and her 3 children. He now has to sell their family home as well and move with the kids (she does not want custody..she wants my life of an empty nester..but I really am one..my kids are grown and on their own..I AM A GRANDMA..at 48)
so all of us have been affected by their determination to see if this will work.
I am crushed...I have to start all over again..for the 4th time...why do I keep choosing men who end up just liking me as a friend..why is a relationship that is made up of being good friends..enjoying each others company so bad? Maybe the lust period is gone..but good heavens..that is short lived anyway? I don't know what else I can do..I feel like I now have a brick wall in front of me and my H is indifferent to me. He told me he did not want to hurt me but could not help himself. He would not have told me about the A if the OWH had not found the prevocative emails in her inbox...I would still be waiting for my H to come back to me..I guess I am a fool

I would bet that he didn't "hold" onto this all these years, he is saying this NOW because it sounds like a good idea to justify why he is doing what he is doing.


this usually does not have much to do with the whole scheme of things.

this you will have to look into yourself for, and just may be a good question, something you said at the begining of your post that you kept your finances seperate, do you feel the marriage was somewhat seperate? he did his thing you did yours? I am asking because my marriage had turned into this at some point, after the A's, things turned seperate, finances were seperate, our lives seperated, we ended up like room-mates, not good for a marriage.

Consult with an Attorney IMMEDIATELY.

1. Move back into the house.

2. Reject the SALE OFFER -- you will have HUGE financial consequences if you don't.

It is hard to deal with real world financial matters while you are fending off a broken heart. You have to make yourself do it or you will be paying the price for years and years.

Honestly I don't think rejecting the offer on your house is a good idea. It's too late. You already moved out and you know you can not afford the mortgage yourself.

In this economy you are very lucky you were able to sell your house. It's just a house. If you manage to save your marriage you can find another home to purchase together.

I'm sorry you are here good luck to you. I'm a lurker who joined just to tell you please do not take the advice of rejecting the offer. That could put you in a finacial bind not the other way around.

I can't stop the sale of the house now...too late. I did the unthinkable..one last ditch effort to make him realize what he is throwing away..His reply is that he cannot turn the clock backwards. He does not regret our 7 years together, but I must now forget him and move on. He told me that he feels bad for hurting me, but there is nothing he can do now to make it better. He told me that I have to forget him and move on in my life without him.
How can I forget the one that I was SURE was my soul mate. I loved so much. I devoted myself to him. How easy for him to just throw me away like an old used piece of furniture. Now she is staying in my house until the moving day and they are getting a house together..I feel like it is hopeless..he will never come back now.
I guess maybe being financially separate played a role..never seeming to be a 'couple'. He was never romantic..never took me out for romantic dates..never surprised me with little gifts..I did him..but I stopped after a while too thinking our love and devotion was enough..I know I have a part to play in his disinterest..and now I fear it is too late.

I'm sorry you have to reconcile to this. Hope that you've learned from this experience. Please keep reading MB. We all have loads to study.

I understand that it would be hard to move back in, that would be uncomfortable if she is living there, but it would be your legal right to do so, but I so understand.
Are you in counseling?

Why have you not exposed the affair? The only way to get him to clear the fog out of his head is to make the affair look as nasty as it is to everyone both of them want respect from. Who have you told?

Aside from that, I want to point out something:
It's time to stop and ask yourself why you HAVE to have a partner? This need of yours may explain why you pick the type of men you do. If you do end up divorcing, I suggest you spend some time working on yourself instead of looking for #4, or else you'll just move on to #5.

So many things to think about and one of them is that I am, although not to blame for the A...I am the one to blame when it comes to being needy. I never thought that I was, but this has shown me that I have accepted behaviors that I should not have. I need to like ME first..and then I can grow into what I want to be..even if I am 48 years old..never too late to learn.
I have told everyone that I can think of and am still doing it..I have had so much support and kindness that it still leaves me with a warm feeling even if I feel empty.
I have a great support network including H's family. They all love me and are devastated at H's A and now it is not just that..they are planning their 'new' life.
What a selfish way to be...like a steam roller..crushing lives..not only mine, but the OW family, her husband and children..my H parents, siblings and even his D...My children are hurt by this too even if they are out on their on because it hurts me, it hurts them. My son was getting quite a bond with H..my son is a grown man in the military..but still needs a man's friendship since he has no contact with his own Father. My son felt H was like a father to him...but now..the H has crushed that too..his own son won't speak to him...how many more lives have to be destroyed before he wakes up.
He may never wake up..he may stay with the OW forever...only time will tell.

Sadly this appears apart of the general waywards problem.