Hi T2L, this was up on Queenies site from Mark1953. I think it really is worth reading in your sitch. take care.

Remember my flashlight analogy?

Where you point the light is what you will focus on. If you point it into the woods you will not see much, what you do see will be difficult if not impossible to understand and you will also lose sight of the path ahead of you and lose your way.

An interesting thing about walking along a path by flashlight is that it only illuminates what you need to see right now. It doesn't show you what lies ahead 100 yards or 100 miles...It lights your way one step at a time.

What's around the bend? Who knows? Do you trust God to take care of that too? Then focus on the path immediately ahead, take another step where He is leading you and don't worry so much about what is happening outside of the circle of God's light. Even if you can't see, He can and already knows what He will do to handle it.

What happens in the wilderness is not what you need to worry about. You only need to worry about your path through the wilderness.

God will be done with your husband when He is done with him...

And He'll be done with you when He is done with you...

You stand on a hill overlooking the road to what God promised. Your husband is still back in Egypt, a slave to his own ways...

Keep going forward and don't try to turn back to look for him. Remember what happened to Lot's wife? For your husband to be where you are now he has to travel where you have been and he has to run faster to catch up. But the sooner you get to where God is leading you, the sooner YOU can rest and wait while God prods him along. Even if he gets lost in the wilderness by taking his eyes off the path again, YOU will be safe because God already brought you through it.

When Israel was wandering in the wilderness they weren't alone. God didn't SEND them to the Promised Land, He LED them there. His Presence was before them by day and stood watch over them by night. Everyone could see His Glory. As long as everyone stayed fixed on Him, they couldn't get lost. But some looked at their surroundings and their circumstances and lost sight of God and the goal. An entire generation died in the wilderness because they lost their focus on the One who was leading them and chose not to trust Him though they had already seen many miracles in their lives.

The Lord is with me; I'll not be afraid.

*hand up waving frantically*

I know something to get you away for a couple of days.

T2L,

I have not posted to you, having only read your thread on and off, but this breaking of Plan B is a large step backward for you. Your WH now knows HE's got the power.

You need to shift this back to you. It matters not one IOTA what he thinks of you communicating by email, so long as he complies. It matters not if he thinks that you are the coldest fish, the iciest Ice Princess or the biggest BIOTCH. NONE of that matters right now. From what I have read here, and from my own experience with my WH, trust me, you WILL be forgiven when you have a repentent man standing before you, being completely TRANSPARENT with his "Plan".

It's bullchit, all of what he says. Do not listen. Talking to a wayward is like trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing gum. It's useless. You get your fix, he gets his, and you have just lowered the bar.

Step back, slow down. Get outta your head and just follow the plan, right down to him respecting the conditions of your Plan B letter.

You are right about one thing, too. You don't want him coming home just for the children. It is VERY important that he chooses you. When those kids are grown and gone, you want your own marriage to be strong and fulfilling. If it's all just for the children, it will fall like a house of cards. Some people are okay with that. I never was.

If you choose to continue on outside of a super dark, very strong plan B, you are lowering the bar.

Lastly, try your best to take care of YOU.

Just my $.02.

Hang in there, T2L. You've got some great advisors here. Follow your plan, trust it. It will not steer you wrong, but a wayward most certainly will.

added...

there is soooooo much wrong with what your WH is saying, I don't even have the patience to quote it. Just know that he's lying EVEN WHEN HIS LIPS AREN'T MOVING...trust your plan

Hmph... whatEVer.

He's still out there T2L.

Betcha he's surprised that you weren't falling all over yourself about him coming home.

He probably walked away from that door scratching his head wondering, "what just happened?"

Good job on telling him like it is (although I agree with the others that you may have set yourself back a few doing it this way.)

Anyway, back into the darkness. More to come. I guarantee it.

Ya know I love you, but I have to say you're in a fog of your own right now.

It may not be too late to stop this train wreck, but the only way you have to avert it is to go dark and STAY dark.

If you go back to square 1 with your PB: using the IM's (you did have some, right?) and only the IM's for all communication, and accepting NOTHING from him that does not come through the IM's, being as dark as a black hole only darker, if you IMMEDIATELY begin doing EVERYTHING Plan B is meant to be...

IF...

you do all that, you may be able to salvage this.

Right now all I can see is sabotage.

He asked to speak to me Sunday after his visit with the kids. He said he has "plan". The word "plan" here is being used to tell you only that he is thinking about things. Nothing more. There is no "plan" in the way that you consider the term and in the way it is meant. He means that he is thinking that he needs to stop what he is doing, he wants to stop. But the concept that there is a true "plan"? Nope.

He kept talking in circles He was talking in circles because he was expecting you to take over the conversation. As I have pointed out in the past, this man is waiting for YOU to ask HIM to come home. His pride is standing in the way of his making the open request, and also standing in the way of his saying, "I HAVE BEEN AN IDIOT AND I AM SORRY - CAN I COME HOME AND WILL YOU FORGIVE ME." Until he is able to do that, you should NOT take over the conversation for him - you should do lots of listening - But in reality you are in Plan B and should not be talking to him at all. And if you must talk to him, it should be only about emergencies, and this sure wasn't one.

and finally I say can you just please spit it out you are talking in circles. He says that he is planning on coming home. Which is where his expectation was that you were going to jump up and down. Good that you didn't, and that you held on to your expectations about the SeaHag and what he needs to do.

He and the freaking stupid Sea Hag have spoken and they are having a "planned break up" and that she supports his decision in whatever he wants to do There are two things here. The "planned break up" could mean a couple of things. I'm not sure about this, but here are some things that pop up for me. He could be trying to tell you SHE will not let him go and that he is having trouble with the "stalker factor". He doesn't want to have to deal with this ongoing problem when he comes home, and he is trying to break up with her and she will not accept it. While he SAYS she supports him in whatever he decides, you must remember he is in a situation where he is still trying to protect her (however sick that makes everyone here feel). Another possible interpretation of this is that he has financial things that she will not let go of, and the two of them have not worked out. While this sounds strange and sickening, he does still have some moral code and he is trying to work through this situation in a way that he feels right about it, and finances will enter into it. Of course, there is the obvious, that he has entangled her emotionally, and now he realizes what a complete mess he has made of things - and for that very same moral reason he must do some things to separate from her in what he sees as a more organized and compassionate way. While that is unpopular and ugly to us, in his wayward mind, this has validity and may be what he is thinking and trying to express by the "planned breakup" term.

I try and ask how he intends on doing this and he say he is working on it and he has a plan. He says he is not renewing his lease but that right now his most important thing is securing his job issues. The company he is working for may be going under. Some of the share holders have started looking for jobs and they are bouncing payroll checks. He says I really need to focus on getting another job right now so I cannot give you a day on exactly when I am coming home just know I am working on it. Now, IF this fell into your conversation right where you put it - THIRD - I buy this. And from the length of the interaction here, I do. The rest of his stuff was vague and crappy sounding. His "stuff" is built on money, T2L. So of everything he is talking about, I am going with my gut on the separation from SeaHag to be more based on HIS part about money, and on HER part with some emotion and LOTS of money issues. So the upshot of what he's telling you is that you need to work on finances, and that he is doing that, too. From what you present here, and what his focus looks to be, the luvvy duvvvy crap is fading fast and the harsh reality is caving in on the affair land fantasy. IF YOU ARE DARK, SHE WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO MEET HIS NEEDS NOW. HE IS CAVING IN UNDER THE STRESS AND HE NEEDS YOU. DO NOT GIVE HIM A FIX. THIS, IF NOTHING ELSE, TELLS YOU THAT TRUTH.



He would not give me details on their conversation. Simply because he is not ready to stop protecting her. He will, when he is done with the fog. It will happen, and he will feel like a fool. He already does, but his pride is standing there in front of him. Not long now, though, because SeaHag just isn't doing it for him, and HE IS NO LONGER DOING IT FOR HER. SHE WANTED A RICH GUY. Guaranteed.


See, now that he has been spending lots of time at your house, and you've sent that letter bomb, SeaHag is sick of this mess. To top it off, your WH is worrying her sick with the money thing. And the lease. And what she THOUGHT would be the ex-wife who now is the MAIN topic of conversation - and SeaHag is tired of this whole mess.

To her, that fantasy of this man supporting her is crashing. That fantasy of YOUR kids disappearing has just gone up in a puff of smoke, because this is one daddy who isn't walking away. And SeaHag wants to be front and center. Only, T2L is somehow still on this guy's mind - but she's dark.

ONLY YOU KEEP TALKING TO HIM. STOP IT. THE LESS HE SEES YOU THE WORSE IT GETS OVER THERE. TURN UP THE HEAT, WOMAN!!!!


IF HE CALLS, DON'T ANSWER. YOU KNOW IT ISN'T AN EMERGENCY. HE CAN LEAVE A MESSAGE. HAVE YOUR IM'S EMAIL HIM.

If he won't use the IM's, it doesn't mean YOU don't have to. You are as guilty of not using them as he is. Own what you are in control of, and control it.

Tighten the cracks on YOUR side. Because as his cracks grow, you have more of a shot at this thing working out.

SB

Everything SB says makes absolute sense. So heed SB's advice. And I will, too. Us Plan B'ers need to stay dark and pray.

Okay y'all, I am heeding the advice and I am going dark...again LOL Probably will update every other day, I don't think nothing new will take place and when Im dark nothing goes on.

No contact today. Did however receive all his bills here at the house again. Guess he switched over his address already. Not sure where he is going to be living so I will probably send mail with the kids during their visits.

IM's, don't have much info to pass at moment but for future not sure where we are going to contact. When he leaves his employer on March 6th or sooner, he will no longer have a computer and new job does reports old fashion paper way and if by chance he does move to his mothers she has no mail box and had mail service canceled there several years ago. She mostly gets her mail at her boyfriends in another city even further than her home which she only occasionally stays at. So, I am not sure how we are going to contact him. His 2 brothers support me and have not spoken to him in 10 months his other brother lives in Guam and his mother well she almost lives everywhere and no where. I'll have to think. He has 1 friend he keeps in contact with and I don't really know him. IDK.

Your public library almost certainly has computers with internet access. He can contact the IMs if he wants to.

Thank you...thank you...Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!

Hey T2L, if you get a chance stop by my sitch. Think work exposure might be brewing today.

Looks like your H will be in his own Plan B unless he hits the library. Will be good for him and give him some quiet time to think things through. :twobyfour:

It's very simple:

if HE wants for any exchange of information whatsoever to take place, HE can contact the IM's to let them know how to reach him.

Very simple.


It.

Is.

His.

Problem.



Or at least it is if you are serious about PB.

A thought just occurred to me. Could she be preggers?

hey T2l if your on i might be driving to L.A. today....have to take a dog to be bred in higland....of course the stud can't meet halfway.....just like a man *sigh*....let me know if your not busy?

Yes mam I am around can you contact me at the email address below.

BAh stupid dogs.....seeems little miss hot pants got out last night and came back dirty and out of breath.....now we have to wait until her next heat cycle for breeding. So we won't be getting our puppy in april/may.

but my email is Tigeressts@gmail.com. I believe when hope is here next month I will be coming down....just gotta find out the who's whats and whens.

I will be that neck of the woods from 3/13 - 3/20. Would be great. Planning on seeing Holyheart also.

sweeet....I will be staying either with my cousin in reseda or with LA sunshine girl in van Nuys.