Come on....there is WS and BS fog here. I don't believe your WW was "dry" since she went back for more. OM did not "feed" her alcohol. WW drank of her own free will and she wasn't exploited. I think your WW may feel some guilt for what she did and wants to find a way to minimize the truth so she can live with herself. POSOM didn't force her to drink or have sex.

Always can do the poly....

Q - Were you wet?

Q - Did you enjoy the sex?

Q - Did you goto his house to have sex?


Maybe just telling her you scheduled a poly will get her to be honest. Next time you are driving pull up to a non descript office building and and ask her if she is ready to go inside and answer a few questions on a polygraph exam. Then ask her a few questions before you actually get out of the car to go in. I'm betting some of her answers may change. Sounds kind of devious but sometimes you have to be with WS.

I mis-stated that I guess. She certainly chose to drink, she willingly admits it. She says all she wanted was to drink and have someone to talk to. OM just waited till she was drunk, pulled clothing from the waist down, and jammed himself in.

I am just struggling to believe whether the details are true or not. Lately, she seems more than willing to share any graphic details if I truly want them. It's the questions that I ask like "what were you thinking when OM did __________?" She says she doesn't remember the first encounter due to alcohol, the second two times she remembers thinking "why not, nobody cares about me."

Has your WW filed rape charges?


She doesn't remember the first time and then it turned into "hey why not"? Does this make sense based on the first quote? I'm not sure if your WW is spinning the story or if you are spinning it for her.

Ok...I need to be a little more direct. I am not a cunning linguist.

She saw him three times.

1st time he pulled her clothes off and "jammed it in." Second time was oral only because the monkey had a nose bleed. He tugged at her clothes, she said "ain't going to happen" and he said you can still "do this" as he shoved her head down. She complied apparently until he pushed her away. Third time, sex again. When he tugged at her clothes she remembers thinking "why not" because nobody cared for her and she wanted to hurt us. She pulled bottoms off for this reason and he immediately lifted her onto him (being the muscle bound personal trainer and all) and "jammed" it in. She said she immediately regretted it, but never said no or asked to stop. Says she didn't care any more.

I have asked these questions fifty times, fifty different ways. She says no to each, and will swear on a bible or our babies life.

If a man is jamming himself in, then yes the sex could hurt. I just don't believe your wife. The only part of it that sounds reasonably believable to me is that she didn't care. I'm not trying to bust your chops but WW may just being trying to demonize OM so she doesn't look so slutty. I dunno, but I'm sorry you have to deal with the crap. It sucks.

Forget all that swearing on such and such. It doesn't mean much coming from a WW. Threaten or actually do the polygraph if you really have to know. The bright side is she might actually being telling you the truth. Hard to believe but not impossible.

Did she say how long the sex was for? Maybe if it was for only a couple of minutes she didn't have time to get wet. Only thing I don't get is - and not to be graphic - but I'm assuming your WW like to have sex and feel good from it - why wouldn't she make herself wet or have him help her out orally? Why would she 'endure' this painful terrible sex?

I have always been amazed at the number of BH's in the MB forums who have happily reported that "the OM even had problems with erection", "she never had and O.. with him", and not to forget the classic: "his ..... was much smaller then mine!"


And the number of BW who say: "it was only sex on his part, he hardly even spoke to her", "He never bought her flowers or other gifts", "He didn't think romantically of her", and so on.....


This is damage control on the part of the WS. These are sweet lies given to a BS that deparatly clings to any little hope that in some way he/ she still is unique or special to the WS.


The BS may become special again to a FWS after R. But they were NOT special to the WS during the A!!

I think you can assume/ count for certain that a WS's in an A invest all he/she has in the OP: sexually, emotionally, romantically, timewise and sometimes economically as well.
When attempting recovery this level of investment in the OP is downplayed as much as the WS can possible get away with. That is written on page one of the damage control manual.

I am trying to believe her, but not a lot of it makes a whole lot of sense.

I told WW about a few of the things on this thread on the phone earlier, and how I still have trouble believing some of the details. She got angry and defensive saying that I need to trust her not strangers on a forum, and every situation is different, and so is every women. Her tone shoots me over the edge each time, so I hung up on her and then sent a text telling her to enjoy her B-day. I haven't even bought her a gift or a card because last year during the affair I spent way too much money on her B-day and made an elaborate dinner. She gave me the cold shoulder the entire night. I had to leave the following morning out of town for work, and days later she was at OM's for the third encounter.

Based on your WW's attitude, I would say without a doubt she is lying. It always amazes me how the WS Deands that your trust them , when in reality, it was they that broke the most intimate trust of your M. Pretty ironic if you ask me.

This is nothing more than a ploy to get you to accept the elephant in your living room. How many times has your WW asked if we can't just move on and forget that this happened?

Clever story from your WW on this sitch, but, she had a whole year to rehearse it in her mind, just in case . So did my WW, and she was good at it. She went a step further to add that OM was on antidepresants, and couln't reach orgasim. Anything to downplay the A and do the least amount of damage in order to make you move on. It's horribly frustrating to a BS, and they know in their gut, it's a lie.

Complete and utter honesty is what's necessary for a M to heal from infidelity, not more lies.

Having said the above, do the poly or live with your gut for a looooong time. If your ww refuses, then, no, you are not in recovery.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Another question for you. Would a WS ask for protection if she didn't want to have sex? The OM didn't have any any they went ahead anyway. WW swears she asked for protection, but that it didn't mean she wanted it. She claims that it just meant she realized what was happening and "reacted."

Hardly ever! Most ws NEVER use protection.

Which brings me to my next Q. Have both you and your WW been tested for STD's and HIV?

If not, why not??

All Blessings,
Jerry

Lord have mercy. I'm going to bite my tongue for once and just go with your wife is a liar.

Yes...I was there when she was tested and saw the results afterward.

I guess I am starting to believe that. I have been drinking too much koolaid from her, and listening to her say all the right things in front of the pastor and counselor.

Angry out bursts usually indicates the person is being defensive because they are lying.

The debate on whether your WW hated the sex or the OM banged her like a drum and she had the best sex of her life is pointless.

Odds are and experience here shows that your WW is lying. To how much she is avoiding telling you what happened will only have a chance to be settled with a lie detector test.

Talking any more here is only beating a dead horse. Your not going to get any where without the lie detector test.

I hate doing this.


Your wife loved it. It was dry? That's what spit is for.

There was no protection because sex feels better that way.

Yes, she had orgasm(s).

I'm growing really, REALLY tired of ANY woman claiming they gave it up for "attention". It's such a load of crap.

I have never, ever known or heard of such a woman in real life. Not one. EVER.

I don't doubt it.

The really non-funny funny thing is that WW claims that OM would offer her a backrub and she would agree. She would sit between his legs on the bed while watching TV, and then would start kissing her neck. WW says all three times she would turn around and OM would be completely nekkid with full arousal and she has no idea how, when, or why his clothes came off.

Well, at least she kept her shirt on each time. Silver lining?

Things would be a lot less complicated without a kid due in two months from my perspective.

Sorry Krazy, but I know MULTIPLE women who have given it up for ATTENTION. You can consider it weak, or pathetic or whatever you like, but there are MANY women who have sex for that reason alone. They don't necessarily feel ready for sex, but they would rather have bad sex with a guy who is giving them even a LITTLE attention than have nobody and be lonely.

Teenage girls do this all the time. But not JUST teenagers.

And MULTIPLE women who have sex repeatedly even though it does not feel good. Women approach sex differently. Sometimes they are just looking for closeness and are willing to SETTLE for no personal "satisfaction". It doesn't work, of course, but they do it anyway.

I can give you all kinds of reasons and all kinds of stories about why women might do this, but that is not really the point.

I am in NO way condoning an affair. I am just saying that goldpigs wife MAY be telling the truth on this point.