Hi - I posted about 10 days ago and want to update my situation and get some well-needed advice. I found out that my husband was beginning an EA two weeks after it began. I confronted him and he told me that he's been unhappy for a very long time, found someone who he thought there were possibilities with, and wouldn't be willing to work on our marriage. She's like a drug - it doesn't matter if he has to sleep on a park bench - he wants to spend his life with her (after 3 weeks and two meetings!)

There were definitely problems in our marriage, but we were also a tight couple. He has since moved out and is staying with a friend. He has announced to everyone that our 16 years together were a mistake,,, he was too codependent on me...sex life was terrible etc. The reality is that, although we had problems that went unaddressed, there was a lot of love, support, many laughs and an undeniable soul connection. Unfortunately, the things that were bad were never addressed properly, mostly because he didn't say anything and I never in a million years thought that anything like this would happen to us.

So - I need some help here. He's out and, although initially they said they would take it very slow, he and the OW are in their relationship full-force. She has a young daughter, so he only sees her on the weekends, but the text messaging and phone calls are out of control, and our cell phone bill is going to be astronomical.

He comes to the house twice a day to walk the dog and feed our 5 pets, but I'm not home. We communicate via email, and although he calls from time to time, it's mostly about household things. He does email much more than is necessary, but that's his personality. He's staying in our area (she lives about an hour away) and doesn't actual spend a great deal of time with her.

I really love my husband and badly want him back. It's true that he's been very dependent on me and unfortunately, our relationship became somewhat like parent and child instead of husband and wife. But I can't imagine that he doesn't miss the comfort and home that he left.

By the way, he is 53 and the woman that he met is someone he went to High School with. He reconnected with all of his HS buddies on Facebook and is now in the process of organizing a huge reunion. He isn't seeing many of his old friends, or his AA people (he's a very active member of AA in our area.) He said that he was going to therapy, but I learned that he cancelled the appt. He also said that he was leaving because he finally faced his truth. He wanted to stand on his own two feet and figure out who he is. We saw a therapist a couple of times to communicate about this situation and she clearly told him that if he really wanted to do that - he shouldn't have someone else waiting in the wings. It's all a bunch of rationalizations and justifications. HELP PLEASE, and thank you for reading this very long post.

debanne, did you read our responses to this same post on your other thread? I don't know anything more to tell you.

Does your therapist have a PLAN to save your marriage?

debanne,

First off breathe... If you can try not to panic, you can get through. Have you read all the articles on here and can you order the book Surviving An Affair.

Your WH is saying exactly what they all say, even though we WANT to THINK ours is DIFFERENT. Sadly it isn't, but then that's the beauty of it as well.

Your WH isn't your H right now. Please try not to think that you are talking to anyone reasonable or caring, he isn't. He is a monster who is hurting and just acting selfishly. The man you love has been replaced by this jerk and can be very dangerous to you.

Try to think of him as an addict and that his sole purpose right now is to get the "fix" that OW is giving him.

We are here to help you and walk through this with you. The plans on here help you to recover your marriage and learn some stuff about yourself along that way. You will be ok, but listen to what people say on here. They have walked in your shoes and they understand what to do.

{{{{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}}}

debanne, you got several responses on your last thread:

here