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#2220788 02/25/09 11:23 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 1
B
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 1
Hi All,

Quick run down of my relationship with my fiancee.
I'm 27 and she's 22. Been together just over two years, engaged for 18 months, was due to be married in just under 12 months. We have been madly in love since meeting, and i knew very early on she was the woman i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. People envied our relationship, we were always so happy and full of life.

Recently WS has developed a friendship with OM who I used to consider a close mate. It started innocently with him, he was upset about his marriage and was confiding in WS and eventually this turned into WS confiding in OM about our relationship. I noticed contact becoming between them increasing, and thought i was being stupid and jealous and said nothing. OM developed feelings for WS, and OM and his wife came over for dinner about 2 weeks ago, and WS and I had a big fight, she thought i wanted OM's wife and that i'd lied to her (neither was the truth) WS left the house and wanted to stay away for a while. She stayed at OM and wife's place.

That night, OM and WS and wife all slept together. and WS realized she had feelings for OM. Two days later OM, tried to kiss WS and she pushed him away, he tried again, and WS reacted the same. OM's wife saw this, and hit the roof. OM and wife have since split up, and it's turned nasty. WS returned home at about 4am tuesday (2 days after leaving) and we had a big talk. Tuesday we talked most of the day, got issues out in the open. Wednesday was same, thursday i took her to her mum's place for some time alone away from everyone to figure out what she wanted.

WS states that she does not want to be with OM, but has 'feelings' for him. She still contacts him, and sees him as a 'best mate'. it's evident that OM was fulfilling emotional needs of hers that i was not.

The problem now is this, WS doesnt know what she wants, She stated that as soon as i dropped her off at her mum's place, she broke down because she missed me. She started txting that night, and then calling the next day, and then contact was resumed.

She states some days she really misses me and wants to get back together, but other days she doesn't. She states that she loves me, but its no 'in love' with me, and she needs to know that if we were to get back together that things would not go back to the way they were. I was neglecting several of her emotional needs and this has been the mother of all wake up calls. I have sworn never to neglect her needs like i did, and i honestly and sincerely mean that.

I have actively tried to implement Plan a without success, she is being stubborn in that she wants to remain friends with OM. I however have made it abundantly clear that I am 100% committed to fixing our issues to salvage our relationship.

WS grew up around the beach, and misses it dearly. We currently live about 1hr drive to the beach, I have offered to move there and commute daily to work as a male colleague lives there too and can car pool.

WS has stated that she cant live with me as she needs her 'space' to sort herself out. She wants to move in with her dad for a while to have some her time, and i have mixed feelings about.

Our communication (which was one of her biggest EN that was i neglecting) has been great since this event. We have been really communicating on a level that we never have and she thinks we are making progress.

We have spoken with a relationship counselor, who wants to see us again in 2 weeks. I spoke with the counselor briefly on the phone this morning regarding the separation and she wants to see us both individually as well as together during this period. The counselor commented towards the end of our session on Tuesday night that she can see that 'we still have a strong connection'.

WS is sending me mixed signals which is the hardest thing for me, one minute she's looking at property to buy down near the beach, and asking for my input on location, size, etc, the next minute she doesn't want to be around me.

I don't particularly want to implement Plan B, i would greatly prefer to have contact with her in the manner of Plan A. WS has always been brutally honest when i speak with her, and she tells me that her feels for OM have decreased considerably in the last 10 days, and i believe her.

She has withdrawn from me, and is stonewalling any attempts by me to meet her EN.

Does anyone have any advice for me?


Last edited by boyinblue; 02/25/09 11:27 PM.
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
You have to learn to read in between the lines.

Your wife made up an excuse to have a fight so she could go over the their house and have a threesome.

The OMW caught the OM trying to have a twosome. Meaning OM cheating on her with your wife.

Next you messed up by letting your WW move out. Now you can't effectively plan A. And your WW has you out of her way so she can bang the OM when ever she wants.

You need to tell these things to your WW's parents and siblings. This is called exposing. You do not warn the WW that you are going to expose. You do threaten WW that you will expose.


Last edited by TheRoad; 02/26/09 07:14 AM.
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 23
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J
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 23
If you are not married to her, as hard as it sounds, then move on. Marriage is hard enough to keep when you find someone is cheating. I have been married 23 years. You have so much life ahead of you! My opinion, but don't saddle yourself with someone who doesn't want to be married or act married BEFORE you marry her! All the best to you and be strong.


BS(me)45 yrs.
WH 48
married 23
son, 17, son, 8
daughter in heaven
dday 1-22-09

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