One of the things that I have had to forgive myself for is allowing myself to be an option Squid could choose or not.

I still feel that was undignified, although I would possibly not now be married if I had not taken that approach.

However I disagree that the BS is powerless. Exposure can be an incredibly powerful tool.

Exposing in an MB context ended my wife's affair and gave us a chance of recovery. That both she and OM considered exposure to be an hostile act demonstrates how powerful it is for many WS.

I think the empowerment that comes from a BS embracing and applying MB is far more than merely coping with devastation. But maybe that's just me.

What I hate most I think is that the WS decisions get to fashion the BS's options. That I think is really unfair.

If a BS ( usually BH) wants to divorce their spouse, they are usually forced to give up great swathes of their life which they may be very content with: home, lifestyle,access to kids etc.

A BS might want to only remove their wayward spouse, yet has to lose much of value to them. Thats very unfair and informs many decisions for BS' to "settle" in recovery I think.

But that aside I think BS can be very empowered if they seize the tools at their disposal !

Looking for some more responses. My M is over so I am leaving this forum very shortly but I am interested in more thoughts from both BS and WS.

MMF

Gosh...

You guys have got me thinking now. I hope my BH isn't hanging around and making the effort just because of all the "other" things he'll lose.

I'd know if that was the case.. wouldn't I?

Yes I would - because we have really discovered openess and honesty

ST,

It's all about choices.

My WW made a choice...I, nor my children, got to choose!!

The decision to rip apart our family was made for us and now WW wants to push OM into our children's lives.

I only wish that my WW was willing to work on our M for the sake of our family especially our children.

BS's just get left in the dust and the M only has a chance if the WS CHOOSES to try

Usually they are too selfish to even try!!


MMF

Hi ST

Isn't that a part of the reason why YOU recommitted to your marriage ?

Not every recovery decision is romantic, some are practical. Marriage is a practical framework for life perhaps MORE than it is a "love" relationship.

For a BH the decision to divorce the WW results not only in the removal of their spouse from their life but is usually total decimation of the practicalities of their life.

If the love bit goes a marriage and life can still be a lot to give up.

That can't be the ONLY reason for staying else resentment will become unbearable, but it can be a really GOOD reason to stay IME.

If you invest in recovery and your BH appreciates that you are both blessed and this should not be an issue for you anyway.

All blessings !

Not every recovery decision is romantic, some are practical. Marriage is a practical framework for life perhaps MORE than it is a "love" relationship.



Given more thought - yep you're right on both counts...

I'm still catching on

ST