What does your A say about the situation ?

What has your lawyer said about WW's move?

Just as a warning - in my sitch, the OW and OWH started out with roughly 50-50 custody arrangement of their DD-then-6. Without telling anyone, OW and WstbxH bought a house in another city - roughly 30 minutes away. OWH wouldn't have known at all until moving day except that OW tried to have DD pulled out of school so she could transfer her to the new school. As soon as OWH found out, he lawyered up and got an emergency hearing in court. Unfortunately, as fast as he could get a court date, it was 3 days after OW had moved. The just basically just tsk-tsked OW - said she shouldn't have done that but - oh well, it's done now so too bad so sad for OWH. He'll just have to be a weekend dad from now on. If he'd been to court BEFORE the move, things would have been different.

And it's not that he didn't have a lot going in his favour. He had:

-50/50 status quo
-his work schedule was such that he picked up DD from school every day. OW would pick her up from his house when she finished work
-OW still works in the same city as OWH, where they lived and where DD was going to school before the move
-OW had no after school care in the new city. She claimed her work hours were flexible enough to accomodate this but reality has proven that they are not
-OWH has family within walking distance who have, in the past, looked after DD on sick days, PA days and summer holidays when she had no school but both parents had to work. OW's family cut her off.
-Children's Aid had already been to investigate OW and WstbxH because DD was complaining that Wstbxh walked around their apartment naked

Sorry to go on so long, but I just want to warn you that it may not make a bit of difference how strong your case is for custody. Unless you can get court action to PREVENT her from moving, you may not be able to bring her back and they will take the new arrangement as "status quo" even if it has only been in existance for a few days.

And just because it can get worse, the OWH almost never sees his DD anymore. OW tells him he can have her on a weekend, he drives all the way out there to pick her up and then she says no. He can no longer pick her up after school because though he gets off earlier than OW, there is the 30 minute drive to consider and he just can't make it. OW is trying to punish him for this by saying he can ONLY see her during the week after school if he picks her up and not on weekends. It's an ugly mess.

Tabby,

That situation sucks. The only real option he has is to move. 30 minute commute to work isn't bad.

He could always move, file for a modification to get 50/50 back, and put in language which restricts moving or requires notification for the move.

PSUB,

The reasons you hear are the reasons why it is absolutely critical that you act now and file something now opposing this move and requesting an emergency hearing. They will ding you for it after the fact.

Hi all,

We are filing a Petition - Rule to Show Cause. What this does is gets us in front of the judge quickly because she is in contempt of the custody agreement. At that point, the burden of proof falls on to her to explain why she is contempt of the current agreement. We shall see where this goes...

Yes it sucks and sure he could move, though it wouldn't solve OW's after-school problem because he would still finish work at 3:00 and have to teleport the 30-minute distance to pick her up from school. It's not like he could get a new job in this economy. In any case, I just wanted to illustrate how critical it is to act quickly and have the order signed, sealed and delivered BEFORE any move is made.

PSUB, I hope you can get your emergency hearing in time to stop your WW from doing anything.

One small update - I sent WW an email about property division to her work email. A couple of hours later I got a response from her sales manager that this is no longer her mail box. I was smart - I put a read receipt on it and the receipt came at the same time I received the response. I'm pretty sure WW lost her job today.

Luckily I have the kids for the next five days. The bottom is coming up real quick for her now.

Her noose is slowly tightening. Good move getting the lawyer to prevent her moving the kids away.

Tabby,

I feel his pain. WW is only 30 minutes from me.

I work down at the Pentagon.

What can he do? He could hire a part time daycare that is serviced by that school. He would pay a part time fee for her to go there twice a week (on his days).

She could catch a bus that goes to that daycare and he can drive the 30 minutes to pick her up, and then bring her to his place.

The next day, he drives out, drops her at the center, and returns for work.

It sucks, yes. But his DD gets to see him.

His ex can't complain about it if he makes arrangements to accomodate the schedule and he can resume the status quo.

She'd have no case against him and he has every right to do this.

I drive about 3 and a half hours a day to commute. It's doable.

Another alternative is to hire someone to simply drive her on his days.

It can be done.

Sorry for the threadjack.

Just want to see a father get his 50/50 back and have an entitled ex's dirty tricks stamped out.

Run it by your friend.

Part time daycare might be a little costly, but he could always petition to have child support adjusted to accomodate the expense.

There's ALWAYS options and nothing is EVER totally settled with family law. They'd likely throw him that bone.

Once he's done filing for the change, he could also petition the court that any future move will which change things needs to have a notification.

Thanks Pom. What is currently happening is that because OW keeps renegging on him regarding weekend visits, she is starting to look bad. It's also starting to affect her and WstbxH at their work - who were notified of the A back in the beginning and chose not to "interfere in their employee's personal lives". So they are getting pressure from all sides and as you say here:

This is starting to scare them regarding going back to court. It is likely they will settle out of court, but it won't be the 50/50 that he started with. He made critical mistakes early on that really cannot be recovered from (he allowed OW to move out and take DD with her, and the trusted her to behave like a responsible parent etc.).

I think the reason dads don't do as well in custody cases is because of these early actions. I know several dads with 50/50 or better and in all cases except one, they acted immediately. And by acted, I mean they stayed with the kids regardless of the circumstances and refused to leave until a settlement was reached. Men are too quick to move out and it's the biggest mistake they can make. (the exception was a fairly complicated situation with an absolute psycho WW - not unlike PSUB's WW)

PSUB has played his cards well as his WW has melted down. I mostly wanted to caution him not to wait until WW moved, but to take preventative action immediately.

Tabby,

Thanks for the update and the heads up - it is very educational for all involved. It is confirmed - WW did lose her job but of course it's my fault!

Anyways, this job loss has pretty much taken WW's flimsy plan and blew it to pieces. I don't know how she can swing the shared custody. I have another call into my A today to see his opinion on whether her losing her job can get us emergency custody. Also, I'm going to bounce the idea off his head about calling the local school district and telling them not to enroll DS6 without my written consent because of the shared custody arrangement. Hopefully then WW can't switch the kids to schools down where she is at without my consent.

He could argue for a reversal of custody due to alienation, which is hopefully established.

You're right about father's not doing well because of early mistakes.

How old is his DD?

She could have a say on things.

Even a move that puts him halfway would help.

I like the daycare idea. Many schools offer on site care.

30 minutes is nothing. Really, it isn't. DD would deal with the 30 minute drive just 4 times a week (going there and coming back to dad's).

Taking his weekends is wrong as well. How is she doing it?

Perhaps we should start a different thread about this, but this is all good info for PSUB as well since it's the reality of what we face as men in the court system.

OR, he could also argue that since she moved away she is responsible for bringing DD to him at a halfway point and put in a motion for the court to grant this along with an adjustment to CS to account for the extra driving he has to do (he needs to save his receipts for this). It's common sense, but the court will need proof to act on it.

Forcing the WW to drive to a halfway point would certainly put an extra demand for time on her.

No point turning this t/j into a thread - OWH isn't even on here. I really just wanted to use his situation as an example of how important it is to be making the first move. BTW, he DID go to his DD's school before the move to let them know the situation and make sure they consulted him if she tried to do anything. That was the only reason he was even notified about the move. When OW tried to transfer DD to the new school, they wouldn't release her without OWH's signature. Basically, OW was trying to sneak out of town without telling him at all.

And yes, he's gradually building a very good case against her, but if you'll notice the difference - it's like he's swimming against the tide, collecting evidence against her all the while DD is living in this situation. The onus is on him to provide the proof. In PSUB's case, he's starting out with a decent custody arrangement, and if he's successful at getting even interim full custody or an emergency hearing - all he has to do is wait while his WW melts down. His chances of success are far better.

PSUB,

Did you contact POSOM's ex wife and let her know the whereabouts of POSOM?

How is her losing her job your fault?

Why would this change her plans? She could still try to move.

How is it that if someone engages in self sabotage it's someone else's fault? :RollieEyes:

Does she have no sense of karma? No idea about reaping what you so? Everything she tries to grasp turns to absolute sand through her fingers. Can some one be so oblivious to signs that the direction she is going is wrong? I think there are people praying for you and her. And they've asked God to not give her a moments rest while she is doing this. Can you think of one thing that has worked to her benefit in this whole situation?

MIL is in the process of contacting POSOM's ex as well as POSOM's mother.

I'm a BS - everything is always the BS fault according to a wayward! I did point out that she missed one day of work for filing a false PFA, a second day for hearing on false PFA, and a third day to go to POSOM's trial. She also missed a half day for the custody filing, and a half day for the child support mediation.

Her plan was to drop the kids off to school and then go to work with the monster commute. Her idea was she was still keeping in line with the custody agreement. Now that she is umemployed, I have no idea on how she plans on tackling the commuting issue. Every decision she makes is worse and worse. It just makes no sense.

In other news, I signed my portion for the house closing. Not sure when WW is signing her portion. At this point, it would not surprise me one bit if she refused to sign.

She successfully cockhold'd me out of the house sho she can have SF with POSOM. I guess that worked out alright for her.

OM does appear to be a Svengali that bids his every wish fulfilled.

At some point he has to pull weight. When the bough breaks lets hope that your lady will rock in the right direction.

So give us a breakdown on everything she has sacrificed or lost at the alter of the great snaggletooth?

House with land for horses
Husband
multiple Horses
Car
Free time

....boy is she going to be pissed when she looks at snaggletooth and asks what he gave up for her.

Be careful that she doesn't say that now that she's unemployed that she's going to stay at home and can watch the kids full time.

Does she have a degree?

Choosing not to work falls under "voluntary impoverishment" and can work against her.