Hi
I am new here and I have found my husband going on interent dating services. He is a paided member . To make my story some what short I caught at the end of 2007 have slept with someone else. I said I would give him a chance if he told me everthing well needless to say he forgot to mention the dating sevice he was a member of. He of course said he was only chatting!After now going back an what he calls snooping I checked the bank account and he has been a member of this service since 2007 . Now I have called him on this and it is one lie after another.
Does anyone have any advise for me or have they gone through the same thing as me
I am really confused on what to believe anything that comes out of his mouth
Please Help
KFM

You, my dear need a keylogger.

Snoop, snoop, snoop.

ave you given info about:
length of marriage?
kids?

Welcome to Marriage Builders. There is good advice here.

Stick to one thread. Do not start another one and just stay on this one since it makes it easier for people to follow you.

I'm sorry you're here, but you're welcome to be here and you'll find great support on this forum.

What was the site?

It doesn't matter if he was using a site or not. He was and is still having an affair. This activity must cease at once and don't believe a single word he says about anything.

How long have you been married? Any kids?

I'm sorry you're here.

Welcome to MB,


BR gave good advice: I hope you don't mind that I've moved your initial post from nearly 18 months ago:


Unfortunately, Barbiecat is right....if you want to save and rebuild your marriage, you HAVE to snoop.

Wishing you the best,
Ace

Hi
Thanks for the advise i recieved a letter a few days after from him which read this
Dear KFM,

I don’t know if you want to read this, but I hope you do.

First of all, this is not how it was supposed to be and it is certainly a lot my fault.

I acted like a [censored] and I apologize for that. I know you probably don’t care about that anymore.

You might think that I probably feel good about myself, but this is not the case, I feel like [censored]. Beeing here at work, thinking about us, yes us and not being able to do anything is driving me crazy. I got to do things here, but I can not think strait. I puked, my throat is like somebody is strangling me.

Sitting together yesterday evening I thought was a good thing and I thought we would work it out. It would certainly take a longer time, but I was and still am open and willing to talk it through until everything is solved. I was honest yesterday and I gave you the account information and you can see everything now. Going this first step I thought we are on our way to solve it.



It is certainly not easy to regain trust and it is certainly not easy to trust again but it is possible.

As you confirmed a couple days ago, we once shared a common dream together and if we think about it, we probably still do, at least I do. And in this dream you are still the one growing a old with me, in that little house, with the kennel, you doing your art things, taking care of the dogs and me playing some guitar, working on a bike or a car. Travelling a little, going to some dog shows… .

I like travelling with you, going to the movies. I really enjoyed walking with you in the summertime and I don’t want it to be over. But it is not about what I want it is basicly what you want.

The situation at the moment is a catastrophe for us. It seems that all my hope of us getting it done has faded. But I can not accept that. Give me a chance to fight for it, let me prove to you, that I mean what I say. Tell me your terms.

Why can we not try it one last time and succeed? What is holding us back? What do we have to loose?

I am willing to take drastic steps to get back on track:



• You keep my cellphone, if it is really needed you decide what to do (for navigation purposes you can deactivate the phone). You can see every number dialled, every call and message received, whenever you like.

• I will not go on the internet. If I want to I will tell you. You can see the history of the pages visited afterwards so you know what I looked at. My access on the internet is at work is very limited and not allowed anyways.

• I can not be at your service 24/7 but I think you know yourself how long it takes from work to home or how long it takes to go to the pet shop and get dog food for example.

• We will look over the bank account once a week, to see what was going on there.



As you know I am not out much. Friday is soccer practice and school is like on the schedule which is on their web page and it gets usually actualised if there are changes.

If I want to go elsewhere we can talk about it so you will be informed at all times about everything.



I will be transparent to you.


I am really confused I feel nothing for him
I have no kids but a a bunch of dogs his reason for sleeping with the other person or persons was that I spent to much time with the dogs.
he has begged me for anothe chance My question is can you regain the trust and love you once felt for this person?
KFM

I'm not familiar with your situation but I like how he's already built excuses into this letter. "I'll do anything...but you know..." "We can make this work...it's just that..."

I would say, judging by this letter, he is not there yet. But he wants you to think he is.

I know that doesn't answer your question but wanted to point out in case you didn't already know. I know firsthand how hopeful/guilty/nostalgic/warm & fuzzy these letters can make us.

Thanks Julie2U
I just got some more news yesterday after snooping in my husband brief case i found a email that was canceling his subscription to a porn site. This was cancelled two day after he wrote this warm and fuzzy letter.
His response to this was "But don't you see I cancelled it!" Then I asked how long he had the sub. and how much it was he told me that he did know how long he had it and it was only 25 a year. But angain the reply was that I cancelled it don't you see .
What I don't see is someone being honest and when he was to make his life transparent to me I believe he left a few thing out.
Can someone really recover from a from this, I think it's like an addicitin for him, maybe he was a good boy for the first few years of marriage but then the temptations snuck up on him again.
Now since last night he has hidden his laptop and all of our bank account records.
I really am crying out for help and here I know there be people understanding my situation.
I am pretty much alone here I live far from my family and live in the same house as his parents and married sister but all living in different apartments. But that is another story.
he tell me know lets do marriage counseling.I am not secure in myself right now that this will work ,is this a common feeling?It seems as though I have lost all faith and hope.
This was a person I loved once and he still continues to tell me he loves and cares about me or is he worried about himself and what people would think of him if they only knew. We live in a small town and once you tell one person it doesn't take long for the rest of them to find out.
Plus on the other side of things I feel sort of YICKY.... him wanting to touch me after watch these web cams of porn,dating servises!!!!!?????
I hope some of you read this and please give me your time and advise.
Much thanks in advance
KFM