This is my first time posting, as I have been a lurker for about 1 year. I believe I have been in recovery for the past 11 months. My first D-day (my husband confessed) was april 2006. My husband had a 2 month affair with a married co-worker that lasted 2 months. He agreed to end the affair and do anything to regain my trust and the marriage back. We went to marriage counseling for 1 year which in hindsight we were given terrible advice. I did not know of MB... We were advised that our marriage could be recovered even if he continued to work with her. So stupidly I listened to the advice and did not require my husband to leave his job. Fast forward 1+ year..I thought that we had made it through 1 year. I knew that our marriage was not perfect but we were doing okay. Talked about having our second baby. He was in full agreement to come off birth control. Got pregnant. Found out that the affair never ended when I was 9 weeks pregnant. Ouch!!!! I was blown away to say the least. Felt completely trapped! My husband left me in an awful position. Again at this point I did not have the advantage of knowing the MB principles. I kicked him out of the house and saw a divorce lawyer. She advised me that I was really in a precarious position financially and emotionally. I was 6 months away from having a baby, without the help of my husband, no local family, unable to work for a while, financially strapped etc... My lawyer and financial adviser both encouraged me to try and work things out...Long story/short he returned home. Put his hand on the bible and told me that he ended things for sure this time and swore to having no further contact with her. (At this point she had left his workplace) Of course these were lies. He continued to have his cake.
Finally I was 2 months from my due date. I was at a complete breaking point. I was in shock that I was about to have a baby and my husband was still actively involved in his affair. It was amazing to me that he could give up our marriage and risk bonding with our new baby. I guess he reached rock bottom too when he realized this and finally really ended the affair on the phone in my presence. He left his job. We relocated out of state. He did individual counseling. I have found MB and we have been doing the home study course.

So in hindsight...I wish that I had found MB earlier and learned about Plan A and Plan B. I forgave him too quickly, never required him to leave his job. He convinced me that it would be the demise of his career. Did not realize that it would be the demise of our marriage. I gave him the benefit of the doubt way too many times. I believed he could not possibly be having an affair while I was pregnant. Even when I knew things did not seem right I did not press him enough or snoop enough. He was often vague about details of his day. Got annoyed when I asked too many questions. All big red flags. Also, I did not expose enough. I was afraid of his anger. Looking back I cannot believe how naive I was. I was always the one talking in marriage counseling. He would agree most of the time that I was right and he would try to do better in the future but would never change his actions. He would talk a good game but no real commitment. No vulnerability with regards to his emotions.

So in about 2 weeks we will hit our 1 year mark with NC (as far as I know). As I have said we moved out of sate but prior to our move she attempted contact through phone calls to his work phone. He would allow me to listen to the messages. That lasted for the first month after his NC phone call. Our baby is now 9.5 months and he can't imagine what life would have been like if he continued in the affair. He would have missed the birth and many special bonding moments that only a live-in father would have. He says that it makes him sick. I think he is sincere and my gut tells me that this is a real recovery but there is always a lingering thought of WHAT IF.... What if I am still an idiot? I don't think so but I hope that feeling goes away some day.
Sorry if my story is not very organized but I am trying to summarize a period of about 3 years.

(me) BW-36
WH-35
3 yo and 9 month old
1st dday 4/19/06
2nd dday 10/12/07
3rd dday 2/4/08
NC 3/4/08
In recovery

We were advised that our marriage could be recovered even if he continued to work with her. So stupidly I listened to the advice and did not require my husband to leave his job.

What stinks is that I know if he wanted to re-ignite the affair, he could.

Start squirrelling your own money away somewhere.

If you ever become suspicious

A. hire a PI and have H followed (especially if H ever has out of town trips)

B. place a voice activated recorder under his car seat (will capture one side of phone conversations)

C. put a GPS under his car (keep a notebook of his milage and where he says he's going - if the math seems wrong - GPS his vehicle)