Ahem, Mr_FH, you failed to answer my questions...

1. When will you get this NC letter typed up and given to your wife for approval and sending?

2. How soon will you be booking the MB Weekend?

3. How about a call to Steve Harley?

I want specifics...Cuz I gotta tell you that I think this posting stuff is acting as a way for you to delay the inevitable right now...There is NO "closure" to affairs...Lexxxy is exactly right...COLD TURKEY...period...

Mrs. W

Double brake check right back at you.

Stop crying in your beer. Your sob stories are just hot air. You know that you have to man up and do what has to be done.

NC letter and NC.

Expose yourself to OWH.

Expose to your WW/BW.

Oh no, no...You FALL into a HOLE...You CHOOSE to STEP into an affair...


Yes, I realize it "feels" that way, but that is NOT how it is...It is actually a series of many small choices that allow you to feel as though "it just happened"...but it didn't "just happen"...make no mistake about it, you chose it all the way...

It's much less about unmet needs and much more about shoddy boundaries...Unmet needs can cause vulnerability, sure, but it's shoddy boundaries that allow you to give yourself permission to commit adultery...You see this, yes?

Mrs. W

Mr FH,

I have no idea what your previous visit here might or might not have been. There is little point in anyone trying to tell you what you need to do to try to recover from this since you already know it based on being on the other side.

But you have described HOW the affair happened. It is a lesson in the proof of Dr Harley's premise that having our ENs met by someone is what causes us to have feelings of love toward them.

But that is NOT WHY you had the affair. You had the affair because you did not prevent it even knowing HOW it could happen. You obliterated your own boundaries in spite of knowing what the result would be.

Since you know (or should know) what you need to do and since you knew what leads to an affair and did it anyway...

What are you going to do to try to right the ship before it sinks?

Do you have any reasons to not do what you know is right or only excuses?

It isn't a matter of "can't" but "won't"...

Mark

Edited to add: MrsW, We must be on he same wavelength here I think since we are posting at the same time...

Oy, you couldn't have picked a single OW? As a BS yourself....amazing. :RollieEyes:


So does that mean you are going to be chick [censored] and let her BH believe the lie he is living?


:twobyfour: :twobyfour: :twobyfour:

Repeat after me: OW is trash. OW is trash. :twobyfour: :twobyfour: If you need some more purging, let me know.

Damn Hole!!!

Stop weaseling around.

You know DAMN well what you must do so why are you putting up this ridiculous smoke screen of asking advice? You are not a stranger to what must be done. Why are you delaying?

Yep.

Maybe this will help too:

Wayward Spouses ALWAYS affair down. They NEED someone beneath them, who will admire them and give them feigned respect. Your husband is not seeking out the younger, better looking woman, he is taking whatever opportunity presents itself and meets his needs for sex, admiration, and boosts his self-esteem. SHE IS NOT SPECIAL. If she happens to be younger and pretty that is just the luck of the draw and a RARITY...most of the time it IS NOT the case. After reading here you will discover that the OW could have been anyone and your husband's choice of OW was not in any way an indication or indictment of you as a beautiful, attractive, desirable, intelligent, mature, moral, loyal, spiritual woman, wife and mother. OW is, I guarantee, no match for you.

Think of it this way, your husband is behaving low and dirty. Thus it necessarily takes a pretty low class woman to admire him at this point ... DO NOT allow this trash to rock your self confidence. You may or may not have let yourself go...but you can get it back and be the classy, beautiful, respectful, upstanding, Grade A woman you always were whereas the Other Woman WILL ALWAYS remain trash.

LMAO @ you channeling Jo, BK! That is EXACTLY what I was thinking when I posted that!

Mrs. W

I have an odd question.

I have read that others here remember you from your previouse experiance here as a BS, and that your WW treated you horrably.

I am curiouse, how is your FWW taking this?
Does she realise she is now seing a mild glimps of what she put you through? Or is she blocking that out?
Is she sad, or angry?

I am curiouse as to how a FWW reacts to becoming a BS.

Bump

SITREP-
1- Wife approved NC letter in the mail issued to OW.
2- MB weekend offer given to BS. (Dates TBD).

Very glad to hear it Mr_FH...Ugh, can I just call you Dazed? Aside from your real name that is what I know you best as - plus it's way easier to type!

I went back and was reading some of your original thread today...Have you done so? One of the things that struck me was a list that you made talking about how you couldn't imagine doing/saying these things to another man's wife...Might be some interesting reading for you right now...

When was your last contact with OW, Dazed?

Mrs. W

You still haven't answered whether or not the OW's Husband knows about the affair.

Does he or doesn't he?

Hey Mrs.W
Sure, I am good with Dazed if that's easier for you.

Researched into my old Dazed post from 3 years back. WOW, I very am impressed!
I here what you're saying about behavior with another person's spouse. Not sure of your objective. Yes, it bothers me very much the OW is married. Honetly, it's just something I will have to live with. I appreciate your thoughts on reading the old material. Do you think that will help withdrawl, which I am feeling, btw. I am just going through my daily motions and trying to stay busy so i don't think about her. It may have been easier if we had ended in a huge fight or arguement.

I am a bit reluctant to spill everything on my post here right now. Not trying to decieve anyone, just open to trusting everyone here. Not aimed at you at all...

Avoiding most of the questions on your thread is not helping your cause here. It is seen as, lying by omission.

You don't compromise your anonymity by answering these questions, you compromise your character. Even moreso is that trusting YOU is called into question.

I think you may have a touch of the WS fog.

This is what I just don't understand. You were on the receiving end of this. How can you have such pathetically insufficient and foggy answers? Even if you have certain feelings, don't you understand rationally what you should be doing? Instead you ignore posters, dodge questions, paint yourself as a martyr, and then go post on other peoples threads.

And yes, you are trying to deceive us. You are withholding information because you know you won't like what we say.

I think we can safely say at this point that the BH does not know his wife was sleeping around, and that you are not man enough to own up to it. If you want the fog to go away, don't sit around and wait for it to dissipate, be radically honest and blow it away.

Absolutely, fighting through fog looking for the light house.
I am just working through it.

No contact letter sent in the mail and official no contact from OW started today.