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What is your plan for when she attempts to contact you?
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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I am just working through it. Well that's vague enough to answer all the questions.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Regarding exposure...Man up and tell her husband? There is nothing "MAN UP" about telling your OW's husband... Oh, btw--- I thought you should now i had and affair with your wife...
Ok, that isn't cruel at all, is it? Getting out of her marriage is all I am going to do. Just like she should not be in mine...
PERIOD!
My plan to avoid....
Block her IM, email, etc... Not take any calls from her number. If she calls and i pick up. I will immediately hang up. Any snail mail will be trashed.
She lives several hundred miles away, so no worries about bumping into her. Believe me, I know NC is a must...
Good question!
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Hey Mrs.W
Sure, I am good with Dazed if that's easier for you.
Researched into my old Dazed post from 3 years back. WOW, I very am impressed!
I here what you're saying about behavior with another person's spouse. Not sure of your objective. Yes, it bothers me very much the OW is married. Honetly, it's just something I will have to live with. I appreciate your thoughts on reading the old material. Do you think that will help withdrawl, which I am feeling, btw. I am just going through my daily motions and trying to stay busy so i don't think about her. It may have been easier if we had ended in a huge fight or arguement.
I am a bit reluctant to spill everything on my post here right now. Not trying to decieve anyone, just open to trusting everyone here. Not aimed at you at all... Good deal, so Dazed it is... My objective is to get you to THINK...To remember what you were like when you valued marriage...To remember how very devastated and hurt you were, so that perhaps you will come to this with a humble heart...with great empathy towards your BW...With great empathy for the OWH - (YES, he MUST be told - Please answer that question...Does your BW intend to tell him?) To get you to a point of genuine remorse...To remind you that you watched as your wife once gave away her soul and to point out that you have done/are doing the very same thing... What helps with withdrawal is no contact & time...What helps with fog clearing is posting here and allowing others to help right your thinking - it's hard to know exactly how to help you without your input...As one who has been 2x4'ed here, I can tell you that that was one of the BEST things that could ever have happened to me...to us...Of course it doesn't feel good at the time, but it is like chemotherapy to cancer...Post the stuff Dazed...Allow people here to set you on the right course... What also helps with withdrawal is for you and your BW to go out and do fun things together...Avoid relationship talk for the time being if at all possible...Go see some funny movies...Go to comedy clubs...Do things you used to do together when you first dated and fell in love... I'm not sure what you mean by not trusting everyone here...It's an anonymous board...Heck, Mr. W & I know you more than anyone else here and you've been relatively open with us...Of course you are going to hear stuff you don't want to hear, but that is OKAY...That is NECESSARY...Please take it from someone who has been on your side of the fence...This place was a Godsend for us...It can be for you too, if you'll let it... Mrs. W P.S. Nah, a fight wouldn't have made things any easier - BTDT...You would still have overanalyzed and romanticized the whole thing...it's the nature of the beast...ANY contact, even negative contact is a FIX and will do nothing but set you back to day one on the withdrawal scale...When was your last contact with OW, Dazed?
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Regarding exposure...Man up and tell her husband? There is nothing "MAN UP" about telling your OW's husband... Oh, btw--- I thought you should now i had and affair with your wife...
Ok, that isn't cruel at all, is it? Getting out of her marriage is all I am going to do. Just like she should not be in mine...
PERIOD! Your wife needs to expose to OWH, and she should have the right to stay in contact with him to verify your NC. My plan to avoid....
Block her IM, email, etc... Change your email addy first. Not take any calls from her number. If she calls and i pick up. I will immediately hang up. After you change your cell number, right? Any snail mail will be trashed. This should be given to your wife for her to dispose of. And part of your plan should include immediately informing your wife of any attempted contact. Do not delete messages or trash anything. Your wife should have that honor. Remember, your wife should be in the loop on everything. No more secrets between you and OW.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Regarding exposure...Man up and tell her husband? There is nothing "MAN UP" about telling your OW's husband... Oh, btw--- I thought you should now i had and affair with your wife...
Ok, that isn't cruel at all, is it? Getting out of her marriage is all I am going to do. Just like she should not be in mine...
PERIOD! No...You are wrong...And that was spoken with all the defensiveness and fog of a true WS, my friend... It does take a big man to admit when he has done wrong and to make amends for it whenever possible... Dazed, didn't you want to know when your wife was wayward? Didn't you deserve to know the truth about your own life? How is OWH any different? To avoid any kind of contact with OW, your BW should be the one to tell him...Will she do that Dazed? If she won't, I know a couple of people that would do it for you...You have their email address...OWH must be told Dazed...This is NOT optional... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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What is the point in being here? You already know the MB principles. This all seems very silly and phony.
***Rhetoric question as I know I'm talking to the wind here***
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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What is the point in being here? You already know the MB principles. This all seems very silly and phony.
***Rhetoric question as I know I'm talking to the wind here*** Actually not rhetorical at all b_r...As you know all the logic and rational thought of a person goes out the window when they become wayward...MB or not... Where Dazed failed is where MANY people that come here fail...He worked a rockin' Plan A...An excruciatingly exhausting one as a matter of fact...Dazed had one of THE most popular threads that I've seen in my time here at MB in fact...EVERYBODY was posting to him...I think once his wife's affair was over he just simply ran out of gas...Was so relieved for the whole ordeal to be over that he stopped at Plan A...Well that doesn't work...MB is far more than just Plans A/B...The real MEAT of this place is in the RECOVERY PLANS...Without those, Plans A/B don't mean very much... Anyway, it is my great desire that that isn't the case this time...With all of my heart I want to see this marriage work a REAL recovery and become a genuine MB success story...That is why I want Dazed to engage here and let people guide him... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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You know his story and I don't Mrs. W, but it still seems very phony to me. I will keep mum so you can hopefully work some magic.  But I will be lurking with a :twobyfour:.  
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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very very foggy.
Great posts Unfettered, and Mrs. W.
Come on Dazed, lets get into it. I don't sense that you are "all in" yet. You're only coming back with quick posts, and not willing to reveal much.
Are you ready to do the work to recover yourself?
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You know his story and I don't Mrs. W, but it still seems very phony to me. I will keep mum so you can hopefully work some magic. But I will be lurking with a :twobyfour:. I hope you will do more than lurk b_r...Your no nonsense posts are excellent and spot on always! Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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very very foggy.
Great posts Unfettered, and Mrs. W.
Come on Dazed, lets get into it. I don't sense that you are "all in" yet. You're only coming back with quick posts, and not willing to reveal much.
Are you ready to do the work to recover yourself? Thank you Lexxxy, and I agree with you, I too don't feel an "all in" here...I am bolstered by the fact that Dazed contacted us and returned here, but I would like to see MORE... Dazed? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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......... and official no contact from OW started today. This is why you have remained soooo foggy thus far! I'm glad to see you are still here........ I recommend you start with changing your cell phone number today or tomorrow. Take your wife with you when you do this VERY simple action, select passwords for both of your cell accounts that can be accessed at any time by the other. Pull up your cell accounts online this weekend and identify all the numbers of family and friends so you can easily remain accountable to each other. The next VERY simple action is to change your e-mail addy and only forward it to people you and your wife agree upon. This should be a shared e-mail addy for the mutual protection and care you will need to recover. Canceling all other addy's will be important. These are 2 simple steps that you can complete today and tomorrow. Any legitimate reason this can't be done? I'll mention more later...... lets get these important steps completed first.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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The OWH needs to be told. OWH deserves the truth.
You were man enough to bang OW. Now you can be man enough to tell the OWH.
Your BS side knows this to be true.
Are you going to sit on your hands an make your BW do your dirty work and expose.
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Hey Lexxxy- Good to hear from you my friend. I hope all is well with you and your fam. It's refreshing to see so many of my old friends here. Feels like a reunion of sorts.
I am sure your spot on like Mrs.W My head is still not on top of my shoulders yet. After all that's why I am here.
Believe me i know I have to stay away from the former OW. I've made the break, done the NC letter. Confessed my mess to my BS, just want to move.
As far as exposure goes, informing the OWH could result in the OW acting out and informing our company HR. Means I will loose my job and damage my professional career.
Mrs.W is right about me running out of gas in my marriage after Plan A. I never stopped loving my wife and using what I learned in that regard. I failed to get her to buy in and make it known what my needs are. Yes, I am far from all in right now. I am not in a good place right now. I am jaded about what kind of great marriage we can have. I stand where my FWW stood in looking at our marriage and not really ready to dive back in thinking this time the water will be warmer. Truth..
For now, were trying to just have some fun. Were planning a group concert party next month to see 311. Looks like were not only going to Harley's workshop in March, but will take along another couple with us.
I am off and out for the week end....
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As far as exposure goes, informing the OWH could result in the OW acting out and informing our company HR. Means I will loose my job and damage my professional career. You're right, that could happen, BUT... Wait for it... TOUGH TOENAILS!!! ALL choices have consequences Dazed, that very well could be one of yours...You cannot avoid doing the ONLY right thing because YOUR ACTIONS may cause you to get burned...Thems the brakes babycakes... OWH MUST BE TOLD...When will you take action to get this done? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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As far as exposure goes, informing the OWH could result in the OW acting out and informing our company HR. Means I will loose my job and damage my professional career. Such is the consequence of your affair. Mrs. W explained the reasoning very well. Not only does a man worth being married to own up to the consequences of his wrongdoings, but notifying the BH is also critical towards ensuring NC. I'm with Black_Raven in that this seems so phony. You know what you had to go through with your wife. You know the steps, so why are you resisting so strongly? Your posts here are just a continuation of the selfish entitlement that allowed you to have an affair. I see that you just established NC today. Hopefully you are going to start getting real.
ex-WW had 2 PAs in first 2 years. Buh-bye.
Divorce finalized: 1/28/09
Now just living and loving again.
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As far as exposure goes, informing the OWH could result in the OW acting out and informing our company HR. Means I will loose my job and damage my professional career. I have to revisit this...Do you hear what you are saying????? It's okay for the OWH (the victim) to live a lie because YOU (the perp) may be inconvenienced... It's okay that OWH may be exposed to an STD, because you don't wanna run the risk of an outside chance that you might have to pound the pavement for a new job... It's okay that OW can continue to treat her husband like a household pet because you don't want to run the risk of consequences for YOUR actions... Time for some ownership Dazed...a little personal responsibility... Making sure that OWH is told is a step in the right direction to regaining your integrity...You must do this... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Not to mention that HR should know so that they understand that you can NEVER, EVER go to another out of town conference where OW is going to be...The two of you put your company at risk for sexual harrassment lawsuits, and really they should be aware of that...And yes I know that in your head right now you are screaming "NO WAY!!!"...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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"As far as exposure goes, informing the OWH could result in the OW acting out and informing our company HR. Means I will loose my job and damage my professional career."
As far as the old saying goes never dump where you eat. You lost the right to protect your job. This is your turn to provide just compensation.
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