I understand where you are coming from...I guess I am looking for the proof, to end it, and start fresh, or even get the proof to get my self respect back in the eyes of the people she has bad mouthed me to...I think its about closure more then anything esle sometimes, Im back and forth on this all the time..

Hate how the sides are being played...We used to go out as a "family" now, they are going out the 3 of them...Have to get used to that...I guess when the marriage crumbles, you lose the extended family as well..I was so so close to her parents, now the are helping her kill MY family by helping her get that apartment, and they dont even acknowledge that I am alive now..I do not want to harbour any illwill towards them but this hurts me, more then they will ever know...

I have hated how when her phone rings, and she goes into our bedroom and shuts the door..So I had a friend of mine call my cell, and I did the same to her..I have to make her think that I am moving on, and GAL'ing, even though I really have nothing going on..Want to make her wonder..

You should be more focused on maybe going out to see a movie (with a MALE friend of course) or going by yourself.

Rather than having a phone call like that. Because she knows where you are.

You want her wondering why you're not there with her.

I went out after with my brother after that for coffee, while I did not tell her where I was going..Had a great day today. Got pre-approved for a mortgage solo without wife, had her removed from my health insurance plan, and back dated it to the Feb.1 seperation date she gave on her papers..She can get her own at work!..Now this is detaching!! She cant have her cake and eat it too!!

This is Plan D not plan A. Removing support for her is off Plan A spec.

Are you aiming for D?

Of course I am not wanting the D..But I have to prtect myself and my kids..Im not removing anything, she wouldnt already know about..At this exact time, my wifes mind is made up on the D..We need to live seperate lives to try and get back on track..Even though this is what I do not want, I have to think of the future without her, I cant sit here on a whim and prayer hopeing that she changes her mind..

Well Friday is another mini milestone..My paycheck, Will NOT be in our bank account..I will transfer money to the other account to cover the mortgage and the car payments..I am SURE this is NOT going to sit well..But, what am I suppose to do?? She says she is moving out, I have to protect myself and my kids..

Have you read "Surviving an Affair" Dr Harley. Read about supporting your wife but not the affair.

Protect your interests by all means.

Never make it easy for a WW to have an affair or move out.

Are both cars in your name?

If the cars are in your name, tell WW she can't use your car to date the OM, or if WW wants to leave, you can leave but not with your car.

If you can't legally prevent WW from taking a car, at the least while she dates OM or when WW moves out and she takes her car stop making her car payments and providing WW with car insurance.

WW gets to face reality. If she wants to date OM that you will not make car payments or insurance costs.

The car she uses is in both or our names, and she is the regesitred owner..My lawyer suggests that I keep paying it, kind of like showing spousal support. The gas and stuff will have to come out of our account that has little or no money, She has a check for a couple fo hundred bucks, but that aint going to last long. And I will pay for half the groceries, since we are still together, and the kids are here as well. Noticed she is having a hard time finding a 3 bdr apartment, now looking at 2 bdr's..Poor kids will have to share a room..Maybe that will look good in front of a judge..Me keeping our house, while she gets a shi%%ty apartment who knows..I know she is going to hit the roof when she looks at the bank online sometime today..I dont care, she wants the seperation, and she filed. I hope this is the start of the wake up calls for her!

GEEZ...Now myinlaws are trying to contact me like crazy...I guess they do not have a clue what is up..I wouldnt think that my X would tell them much..They probably want to pump for info they do not have..

Don't give your inlaws any information. They are not on your side. You CAN tell them that their daughter is having an affair and ask for their support.

Have you got the test kit from CheckMate?

Have you installed a keylogger on the computer?

She finally approahced me with the bank stuff..She was NOT impressed..Whatever, I just told her that I am protecting my kids and myself, and mentioned, that this is what "seperation" is all about..Now she has like $50 bucks left and a check for 200 for the next 2 weeks..Have "fun' in your new world..I guess it was another reality gut check for her...That and not finding the apartment of her dreams for FREE so to speak...Deep In FOG is she..

southbend, can I ask why you are here on Marriage Builders? You don't seem to have any interest whatsoever in MB concepts but rather are following your own plan. Do you just come here to "*journal?"

Have you considered using Marriage Builders concepts?

[*journal is the teenagers new word for "dear diary"]

Well its been a year since the bombshell, but look at me now!! But what a year it has been.
-Selling the house
-spiltting the goods
-moving
-fighting for the kids.
-Lawyers, Lawyers and more courts.

As I look back at how I felt and what my mind was at the time, I truly found my inner self, and fell better about me. And thats what its all about, if you are'nt good for you, then you are not good for your kids. And my kids have handeled this very very well. I found love agian, and it feels better then ever. I even tried to bury the hatchet and invite my ex for lunch yesterday. She looks so unhappy, and can barly look my in the eye. She made the biggest mistake of her life. I told her, I had to say goodbye to her, and I did truly love her. But we cannot be friends in any way. But, I can be cival when it come to the kids. The paperwork for the fiannly of her and I should be complete by the end of this month. And I am looking forward to the chapter of my life to be over with. it is what it was, and it will be what it will be. But I am happy, happier then I have been in a long time. Even though the pain is gone, the scars this gave me, will never really go away. Chin up people, it a long, hard, twisty road. But happiness is around the corner!

Good for you. Recovery can be about divorcing and moving on. Sounds like you knew your dealbreakers and were firm in your convictions.

Southbend,

I am glad that you are in a better place personally than you were a year ago but I have just read your entire thread (slow day at work) and you totally ignored all of the wonderful advice that you were given to expose and break up the A and R your M.

The MB program only works if you follow it. You are now a part time dad with divided marital assets and an almost XWW who seems to know that she made a mistake. The problems of one M will only follow you into the next if you have learned nothing from this site.

IMHO it is waaay to soon for you to be involved or have your children involved with a new love interest. You are still married to their mother. Slow down and stop counting your accolades. Second M's with blended families are more than twice as likely to end in D.

That said, I can only wish you luck as you are no more likely to listen to MB advice now than you were last March. You're gonna need that luck.

God's Blessings,

Say