|
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,688
Member
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,688 |
Oh my god, Tully, I hope you are O.K.
What does your solicitor want you to do when you are in France?
You did say that you had friends in town? Correct? Now is the time to locally expose. I would raise CAIN - See if your solicitor can bring in WH old solicitor as an advocate for you. It is clear now what WH intended on doing all along.-- Maybe his old atty can be of assistance to you. I pray so.
Are you going to the local (France) authorities? I mean, you have the printout of him saying he hit you- can you press charges now?
Let not one person (friend)who cared for you fail to hear. Explain the association with the "mediator's group". I am afraid this will go very badly FOR YOUR WH-- But I hate to think of what you and family are going thru.
Really praying for you-
Do not be afraid to ask people for their help.
Nancy
Last edited by barbiecat; 03/01/09 05:15 PM.
Me; W 46 Him; H 46
2 girls DD19 DD16 Dated/Married total 28 years. ..I am learning and working on myself.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,688
Member
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,688 |
Did your WH have to have passports for all the children?
Do you think this new group he is associating with could have faked them?
What is the dumba$$ doing? This is just not right.
Me; W 46 Him; H 46
2 girls DD19 DD16 Dated/Married total 28 years. ..I am learning and working on myself.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
Dear God no, tully. How did he do this?
Our love is with you. Please write as soon as you can.
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,593
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,593 |
Last edited by SIHW; 03/01/09 06:02 PM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 634
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 634 |
Tully,
I am so very sorry to hear of this development. I guess the me...me...me entitlement has been expressed to its fullest. I'm sure this is very scary for you. Please know that everyone here is behind you! If there is anything I can do personally please say the word. I will have you and your children in my prayers.
Gods speed.
Mindshare
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928
Member
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,928 |
Tully, I'm so very sorry. I think that, when you get your girls back, your husband has just bought himself some supervised visitation ONLY.
Prayers are going up for you and your girls!
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
I'm scared for you, Tully. Get the best damn lawyer you can and (in the words of Billy Boy Thornton(sp?) "sue him so hard his turds get garnished." I'm not sure how you proceed, I'll let the vets handle this. I will pray for you. 
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
I suppose we can see now why WH did not bring the case he threatened against you. He must have realised that he might lose in doing that, but he might win in the longer term by doing this.
He must have been given advice from the militant organisation that courts usually leave the children where they are, even when moving them abroad might have been illegal. He must have been advised to take them by whatever means and rely on the law's inertia.
There must be some way of getting an urgent court hearing in France to settle this issue. The sooner a judge considers this case, the more likely the decision will be to give you legal custody, in Ireland if you so wish. The longer it takes it get a hearing, the more likely the decision will be that the girls must not be moved again.
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 567
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 567 |
As a mum in this situation, this is our worst fear. Get as much advice as you can and as hard as it is, do not act in haste. Be prepared. You are fighting for the girls long term and you need your wits about you. Don't stoop to your WH's tactics. He's a fool. Take care!
BS 32 (1st marriage), WH 38 (2nd marriage), DD 3, DS 1 Married Aug 2002, EA/PA 2005, NC mid 2005 EA Jun 2008, Plan A, 1 Aug 2008, WH moved out 14 Sep 08, D-Day 14 Sep 08, Moved home 2 Nov 08, moved out 30 Nov 08 Plan B, 2 Dec 08, broken 5, 11, 15 & 17 Dec 08 Current Status: Contact for visitation, children and finances. Embarking on a new plan to Let go and Let God and to not settle for less than I deserve!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised, but I am, that your parents-in-law are helping their son with this action.
They know from you that their son was reluctant to commit to NC and rebuilding the marriage. They know are that you worn down by this and went to your father's for support. You did not keep the children away from H and let him keep them overnight, several times. You made formal proposals for rebuilding, including working with Steve Harley. You made more than one written offer of reconciliation if H would establish NC.
And now they are helping him snatch these children who are already traumatised because of their family breakdown. They show no understanding of your situation and every support for his immoral behaviour. Do they support the affair relationship? Will they be happy for their grandchildren to be brought up in the affair environment? I don't suppose H has gone public with the affair yet, because it will not good look in court, but he will do one day. OW won't accept being a dirty little secret for ever.
The children know of the affair and know that their father would not reconcile with their mother because he liked OW. I wonder what they are saying to him and their grandparents now about being taken from their mother like this.
H must not mind what people in the village and at the school will say about his taking the children away from their mother after his affair. He must have changed a lot from the man you lived with for all these years.
Wasn't Saturday, the day he took them, the anniversary of the affair starting?
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,584
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,584 |
Tully, I'm truly sorry. What a nightmare.
I've been watching the board, waiting for exactly this to happen, I'm afraid. I think many posters sensed that it was inevitable. The no-support-in-the-village idea assumed that he would actually care what people thought. Tully, he's at war with the world now. He's a one-man army against the stupidity of other people. By aligning himself with the militant fathers' group, he's put himself on the other side of an important fence.
He'll see it that he's rescued the girls and brought them home.
Separating small children from their mother is outrageous. I am FURIOUS with your in-laws for supporting this action.
You need a really good lawyer.
Prayers are with you.
{{{Tully}}}
TA
"Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people." - Spencer Johnson
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 511
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 511 |
Thank you all very much for your messages of support. I am in France now in a friend's house. I went to the police station to ask if they would come and get my PIL to leave the house if they refused my request to leave. (I know they will refuse if I ask.) The police say no but I haven't been able to get in touch with my solicitor. She doesn't know that my PIL are in the house (I found that out after our email exchange) so I'm not sure what my rights are with regard to that. Any advice from the experts? Good idea about contacting WH's ex-solicitor, I'll try that. She might help me since she is no longer WH's solicitor. My own solicitor advised me to go to the house and be there with the children until a court order on custody is decided but it would be very hard on me if I am outnumbered by 3 hostile adults. The children are unaware as far as I know the extent of the hostilities. To them this is just their family. I sent this email this pm to WH. No reply as of yet. WH, I have arrived in Village and will be returning to my home to look after the girls. I plan to stay in Village with them until a court decision is made on the custody of the children. In view of the present conflictual situation, I would like your parents to leave our home so that we do not expose the children to a stressful atmosphere. In this spirit, I will wait until tomorrow morning to go to our house and this should give them time to organise their departure. I hope you will comply with my request. Regards Tully Will keep you updated. Thank you.
Last edited by tully; 03/02/09 10:26 AM.
Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage. Maya Angelou
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
My own solicitor advised me to go to the house and be there with the children until a court order on custody is decided but it would be very hard on me if I am outnumbered by 3 hostile adults. The children are unaware as far as I know the extent of the hostilities. To them this is just their family. I am sooooooooo out of my league. However, follow your solicitor's advice to a T. Hard on you right now? Yes. Harder if you don't? ABSOLUTELY PS - get your in-laws out of YOUR house by any legal means possible. ANY legal means.
Last edited by Pepperband; 03/02/09 10:31 AM.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
tully, if you can find time, please tell us how H did this.
(I know you've got far more important things to do than post on this board!)
Have you seen the girls yet? Do they know you're nearby?
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,584
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,584 |
I agree with Pep. I know it's very tough on you, Tully, but I believe you need to do it. Get into your own home. Face up to them, face them down. You can do it. TA Edited to add: The children are unaware as far as I know the extent of the hostilities. To them this is just their family. Tully, all of the children know there's something very wrong. They know you didn't tell them they were going to France. They know they have been removed from their mother. They know there is serious conflict between their parents. They know this is a bad situation. They're now torn in two.
Last edited by TogetherAlone; 03/02/09 10:57 AM.
"Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people." - Spencer Johnson
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,688
Member
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,688 |
I am assuming you have the girls passports with you ( so you can bring them home.) Before you go to your France home, You need to secure these in a bank- security deposit box. Under no circumstances allow your husband access to these documents- believe me, he will raid your purse, luggage and any hiding spot in your house. Trust no one to hold these for you- it is way too important! In addtion, keep your passport in the security box. And any cash you can get your philangies on.
Do not allow him to do anything that is going to prevent you from leaving the country. You or your kids- at a moments notice.
When the judge grants you custody- be on the next plane out of there.
thinking of you-
Nancy
Me; W 46 Him; H 46
2 girls DD19 DD16 Dated/Married total 28 years. ..I am learning and working on myself.
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
Member
|
Member
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150 |
I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN! That's why I asked if you had the passports.
Follow your solicitor's instructions. Do you have copy of document showing you as co-owner/co-leasor of the property? That should give you a greater demonstrated right to access than your pil have.
I'm so mad that kicking you poswh in the shins with my pointy toed shoes is not enough!!!!
_()&$_)*($&()@#*$&()*&#%
That's all I have to say!
*$&)#(*@$&@#)*($&@#)($*&@#
Poor girls. Stuck with poswh for a father!
*#$&)#*($&#@*()$&@#$*(
So mad I don't have words for it!
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
Member
|
Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965 |
Tully, you're living a very difficult nightmare right now. Definitely follow your solicitor's advice.
My exH and I had a shared custody agreement. Six months with me, six months with him. Then he moved 900 miles away and the courts did NOT see any reason to change the custody arrangement. So I can relate a little bit to what you're going through. Granted, I didn't have to fight across national boundaries so your situation is much more complicated.
Just take it one day at a time (or one hour). Your children know you love them and truly that is the one important thing in all this. My children have a great relationship with me and believe it or not their relationship with their Dad is pretty darn good too. My kids do well in school and have pick good friends.
I know times are very dark right now Tully. I am thinking of you.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458 |
In this spirit, I will wait until tomorrow morning to go to our house and this should give them time to organise their departure. I hope you will comply with my request. Regards Tully I don't think you should have warned him, or given him this time. Can someone watch the house for you to make sure the kids are still there when you arrive as promised? tl
|
|
|
0 members (),
465
guests, and
97
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,505
Members71,979
|
Most Online3,224 May 9th, 2025
|
|
|
|