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Role Reversal
#2223051 03/02/09 03:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 13
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Sapphirus
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Sapphirus
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Does anyone else out there experience role reversal in their relationship? My H seems to be the talkative emotional type and I'm the "action-oriented" (more or less) silent type. I'm the one who wants sex and my H is the one who says he can't do it unless he's overflowing with emotional happiness. This is very frustrating and most of what I read doesn't help me because the materials focus on "traditional" and "typical" gender roles. Any ideas?

Last edited by Sapphirus; 03/02/09 04:00 PM.
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Me: 32
H: 32
2 dogs; no kids
Re: Role Reversal
Sapphirus #2223433 03/03/09 01:53 AM
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
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CWMI Offline
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Reverse what you read. Really! We have some role-reversal, but it usually pertains to different areas than your struggles (finances and socializing), but reversing the genders usually helps me when taking advice in those areas.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
Re: Role Reversal
Sapphirus #2223443 03/03/09 02:26 AM
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,144
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rightherewaiting Offline
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rightherewaiting
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What I'm hearing you say is that you find it disturbing that in some ways, you are taking the "masculine" role, and your H's behavior follows more stereotypical "feminine" roles.

My H and I also reverse roles in some ways, and it used to upset me. Wasn't sure what it meant. Now that I'm "old," wink I find it of much less significance. We are, every one of us, unique, and most of us cross the stereotype lines in some way. Do not interpret the stereotypes as "shoulds."

canwemakeit's advice to "reverse the roles" is good. Gender differences are often overemphasized, and can make us feel "wrong" without good reason.

Right Here Waiting

Last edited by rightherewaiting; 03/03/09 02:27 AM.
Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!
Re: Role Reversal
rightherewaiting #2223953 03/03/09 05:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 13
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Sapphirus
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Sapphirus
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That makes good sense. I guess I need to lighten up and not worry so much about the differences I notice.

Thanks for the advice!

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Me: 32
H: 32
2 dogs; no kids
Re: Role Reversal
Sapphirus #2224102 03/03/09 10:18 PM
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,144
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rightherewaiting Offline
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rightherewaiting
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I was just trying to figure out what the bigger picture is here, so I read some of your previous posts. I'm not entirely sure he isn't having at least an emotional affair, possibly with one of the single friends in his new circle.

You need to know what you're dealing with. Can you check his email and cell phone messages/texts? Something is not adding up here. He is in withdrawal and not even sure he wants to continue the marriage. There is a REASON for this and if you don't find out what it is, you cannot combat it.

Get snooping!

Last edited by rightherewaiting; 03/03/09 10:18 PM. Reason: typo
Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!

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