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Is it wrong to think about what could've been if I had married this other person? Would it be wrong to flirt with this person even if you never lose that respect & cross the line? Would you want your H to think about what his life could have been like if he was married to someone else instead of you? Would you think it was wrong or hurtful if he flirted with an old love? You know this is wrong. But if you still don't want to think so, try telling your H, your parents, and all your friends and family about your "flirting" and your thoughts of "what could've been." If you aren't doing anything wrong, there should be no need to hide it.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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H had an EA (he insists it was only an EA--I'm still not totally convinced) with an old girlfriend from about August 05 until I hacked into his computer and threw the evidence in his face in September '06. Until then it was deny, deny, deny. And further, he never told me this person was even an old girlfriend. He'd always passed her off as just a high school friend. It wasn't until sometime late in fall of '05 that I even found that out.
I don't have a lot of high hopes for our marriage surviving. There are other factors as well of course--besides just the EA, but bottom line is that I can't shake the strong feeling that he never came clean with me, that he's truthful with me now, or that he's even able to put it in the past.
So there's your answer. You are playing with fire and the likely destruction of your marriage. If you truly want to flirt with this guy, then do the right thing and divorce your husband first.
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I thank you for the welcome lildoggie. It took me forever to find the GQ2, but I see that its under the Infidelity section. I have not cheated on my husband nor do I plan to. I'm simply just confused, because I don't know what is going on in my family. I will place my post there at your suggestion. But I can say that my main problem is emotional needs. Talking to your ex is cheating on your husband.
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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I think these posters didn't get the answers they wanted to hear and have quit looking. Or they're hoping to get answers that tell them it's ok to have these feelings.
It's normal to have nostalgic thoughts about old flames. But it takes maturity to understand that those old flames are fantasies.
How are they fantasies?
One of these posters has a 1 year old child. That old flame hasn't had to deal with the responsibilities of parenthood. He hasn't had to change diapers or stay up in the middle of the night or scrub toilets or wipe poop off their hands from changing a baby that had a nasty accident or had bills to pay or real life to deal with.
They had fun times during carefree days with no responsibilities.
Well, we can all look back with nostalgia on such days, but the reality is that these two posters and anyone else that has made marital vows has made a committment for life. Feelings will come and go. Love is a choice and not a feeling.
Contacting old flames and staying in contact with them is wrong. Doing something that you wouldn't do with your husband sitting right next to you is wrong. THAT is the standard that needs to be followed.
There's no such thing as "harmless" flirting. It leads to temptation which leads to destroyed lives.
Stop the fantasy of bygone days with little responsibilities and join the adult world where marriage is a beatyful institution where a couple deals with life's challenges together and makes a committment to each other. That is real love.
Think of the devestation your husbands would feel if they knew you guys were pining for past flames.
D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06
DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)
She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.
Never going to happen.
Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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Exactly. I remember telling H that his little fantasy flirt/EA/whatever you want to call it was just a pile of warmed-over shyte. They dated for about 5 months when they were both 18/19. Then they dated again for a longer period (maybe 7 months?) when they were both 25 and they were both on the rebound out of crappy relationships. And for this, I asked him, they think they are star-crossed lovers? And then I said:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Best laugh I've had all week. I wonder how star crossed she would be if she had to walk even 1/2 a mile in my shoes and live with the realities of life.
What a crock.
You are hurting your marriage. If you want to delude yourself that it's harmless, then tell your spouse what you are doing now. Give him the opportunity to decide along with you that it's harmless
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I think these posters didn't get the answers they wanted to hear and have quit looking. Or they're hoping to get answers that tell them it's ok to have these feelings. You may be right. But, hopefully a seed has been planted. 
M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA
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I think these posters didn't get the answers they wanted to hear and have quit looking. Or they're hoping to get answers that tell them it's ok to have these feelings. I am SO not repeating The Sad Saga of OtherSusan the Stupid, but after the life I have lived, I certainly understand their situation. What I DON'T understand is why on earth anyone would come on a coping-with-infidelity site and expect the answers to a question like that to be any different from what they got!  To anticipate anything else is obliviousness of the most clueless kind. tl
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Ah, shaddup BigK.  You'd be amazed the strides I've made recently. FWIW, I thought this post might be a set up but I wanted to write what I wrote anyway. Who knows who is lurking.
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I hate trolls. Especially "Is it OK to drop my panties for my true love" trolls.... 
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I hate trolls. Especially "Is it OK to drop my panties for my true love" trolls.... I enjoy an occasional trolley ride.
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I Left My Panties In San Francisco?
tl
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Didnt think their stories gelled, thats why I sent them over here.
Should have given them the addy for The Other Weirdo's, thats more their thing.
Hopefully ya'll gave them food for thought
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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I Left My Panties In San Francisco?
tl You too? :MrEEk: 
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Actually, I threw them in the laundry, but it's hard to get a really good ballad out of that!
tl
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Actually, I threw them in the laundry, but it's hard to get a really good ballad out of that!
tl Splish Splash I was washin' my pants along about Saturday night... Got a nice beat and you can dance to it. I would give it a 7.
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:MrEEk: :MrEEk: :MrEEk: :MrEEk: :MrEEk: :MrEEk: :MrEEk:
Ah'm bleend!!! AGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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:MrEEk: :MrEEk: :MrEEk: :MrEEk: :MrEEk: :MrEEk: :MrEEk:
Ah'm bleend!!! AGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I hope you're not the driver picking up the kids this afternoon!:RollieEyes: tl
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I hate trolls. Especially "Is it OK to drop my panties for my true love" trolls.... Okay, I'm thick I'll admit it.  When you guys speak of trolls, what the heck do ya mean?
M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA
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Trolls are someone who posts, shall we say, less than entirely truthful information, generally to attract attention, disrupt the normal flow of on-line forums or stir up controversy in some way. The original term, trolling, came from Usenet and refers to the fishing method of the same name. You throw a bait out there as you travel along with no intent of staying anywhere for long and see what you can catch. In fishing trolling can search for a reaction strike when location and best fishing method are not really known. It is derived for the commercial fishing term "trawling" which refers to dragging a large net through the water column to see what you can dredge up that might be useful and is related to a word for a method of hunting in the French that implies hunting for whatever presents itself as vulnerable rather than singling out specific prey. Both etymologies apply to Internet trolling. Most folks assign to the the word "troll" the meaning of the Scadinavian folkloric creature known to live under bridges and prone to stirring up trouble from nowhere as you traveled along your way, though that was not it's first intended application. This is part of what Wikipedia has to say about Internet trolls. An Internet troll, or simply troll in Internet slang, is someone who posts controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum or chat room, with the intention of provoking other users into an emotional response or to generally disrupt normal on-topic discussion.
The contemporary use of the term is alleged to have first appeared on the Internet in the late 1980s, but the earliest known example is from 1991. It is thought to be a truncation of the phrase trolling for suckers, itself derived from the fishing technique of slowly dragging a bait through water, known as trolling. The word also evokes the trolls portrayed in Scandinavian folklore and children's tales as they are often obnoxious creatures bent on mischief and wickedness. The verb "troll" originates from Old French "troller", a hunting term. The noun "troll", however, is an unrelated Old Norse word for a giant or demon.
The most likely derivation of the word troll can be found in the phrase "trolling for newbies," popularized in the early 1990s in the Usenet group, alt.folklore.urban (AFU). Commonly, what is meant is a relatively gentle inside joke by veteran users, presenting questions or topics that had been so overdone that only a new user would respond to them earnestly. For example, a veteran of the group might make a post on the common misconception that glass flows over time. Long-time readers would both recognize the poster's name and know that the topic had been done to death already, but new subscribers to the group would not realise, and would thus respond. These types of trolls served as a Shibboleth to identify group insiders. This definition of trolling, considerably narrower than the modern understanding of the term, was considered a positive contribution. One of the most notorious AFU trollers, Snopes, went on to create his eponymous urban folklore website.
By the late 1990s, alt.folklore.urban had such heavy traffic and participation that trolling of this sort was frowned upon. Others expanded the term to include the practice of playing a seriously misinformed or deluded user, even in newsgroups where one was not a regular; these were often attempts at humor rather than provocation. In such contexts, the noun troll usually referred to an act of trolling, rather than to the author.
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