Ok, where to begin.....essentially my WW has not come clean about the affair. Found out another detail today from her. I suspect there is more. She has promised (heard this before) to tell me everything tonight when we get home from work.

Our families know about the affair. They do not know any details other than she had one. She respects her mother and sister in-law more than anyone. At this point do I bother exposing her continued dishonesty to the family?

If your wife hasn't been honest with you yet, you have no basis to assume she will be honest with you tonight. Call and get a polygraph and tell her when she will be taking it.

Don't get your shorts in a knot. You have exposed.

Is the WW still seeing the OM?

Does the WW work with the OM and refuse to find another job?

Has the WW refused to write and have you send a NC letter?

Exposing just because more truth is coming out is not an immediate call to re expose.

Do not bother exposing again at this point. We all would have had to expose our WS 100 times over for every bit of trickle truth or dishonesty we lived through. You don't want to look like a tattle tell for everything little thing WW lies about because guess what...she's a liar so there will be lies.

Now if her family calls to check in with you and says something like "How are things going?" you can always respond with "Not well as WW continues to deceive to me" and leave it at that.

No, she is not seeing the OM. Her time is accounted for, she checks in regularly during the work.

The OM was a personal trainer at the gym she went to. On Dday she quit the gym and sent him a text message saying never to contact her again (he did not know she was married). She changed phone numbers that day.

She just continues to lie about the details. Today's revelation was that she saw him last March, but didn't think that I needed to know (I found out about affair in April) because it wasn't sex. She had told be previously that she last saw OM outside of the gym on February 28th.

I just don't know what to do anymore with her lying. I can't work. I can't function. The only reason for me to stay is that our baby is due in two months. Hardly a reason to stay, but at this point it's all I have.

gp22,

It may sound cold, but WW may be banking on the birth of the baby to get you to back down about getting the truth you need and hoping you just let it all go so you can be a happy family. I'm still not convinced this pregnancy was a "surprise."

I just got all kinds more truth over the phone just now. The same details that I have been questioning now for months that I thought were suspicious, she just came clean about. I don't know who to turn to. I got sick all over again like d-day, even though it has been ten months.

goldpig22

You are being foolish if you do not have a paternity DNA test.

So what new revelations have you reeling?

You want WW to tell more you have to get her to feel safe enough to tell. This is done by not lashing out when you learn new details.

I have been there too! Every time I find something new out it sets me back. I wish the WS would understand that we NEED the truth from the start. They are so concerned with covering their behinds that they seem incapable of telling the truth. They seem to want to tell us just enough to get them off of their backs. The continued dishonesty is so insulting!

Are you getting the polygraph done or not? I don't know how you've put up with this for almost a year. Draw a line in the sand and stand firm. You are only torturing yourself by putting up with this. If WW simply can't or won't be the kind of woman you need to recover, that's on her. Allowing her to kick you in the gut over and over is on you.

I set up an appointment to talk to a polygraph specialist. WS claims she will go and asked that we do it on her day off. He said over the phone that none of the questions can be mine, that he needs to write them all. I gave him a quick backround and he said that it really only works well to get people to admit things like an affair, if they had sex, etc. I guess I will have more info later in the week when we meet. Didn't sound real convincing that I could actually get all the details I have been looking for.

Polygraph. No question. I wish I had pushed harder for it. It's almost 3 years later and I'm still not sure I know everything. And when I bring it up, we fight because in his mind, I should be over it already.

I'm not a huge fan of demanding a polygraph. Mainly because I think it is better for the marriage and relationship for the WS to *request* a poly in order to prove their trust-worthiness.

That said, something smells fishy here! Are you still snooping? Still looking at e-mails, keylogged her computer, checking cell phone usage, phone at work usage? Voice recording her car? GPSing her car?

Something just doesn't sound right here and if I were you I would investigate more.

Yes, the trickle-truth is death-by a thousand cuts and hurts badly. You and you WW have to find a way to get through all that to the meat of the issue...the TRUTH!

If all other methods are exhausted, then I WOULD strongly encourage a polygraph.

Do I ask for seperation until she can be completely honest? Or do I cut my losses at this point and go to Plan D? I won't take this anymore.

This is getting out of my league and I won't answer your immediate question regarding separation, GP. I'm writing to agree with DNU1 that something doesn't seem right here. Your wife came here and posted about how she wants to make things all right with you and for your child who is on the way. I thought the posts to her were forthright and solid, yet she interpretted them as attacking and left. From what I've seen on here, those FWW who are truly remorseful and who really do want to do whatever possible to heal their BS, they stick around for the 2x4s and learn from them. I'm not doubting she's sorry for having the A and for lying to you. But I am doubting how far she's willing to go to live an honest and open relationship and to re-build the M on solid ground.

Can you stick around until the baby is born so that you can make sure your W takes care of herself and the child and so that you can use the opportunity to watch her actions and snoop if needed? My personal opinion as a woman who has been pregnant twice is to not put added stress on your unborn child with the threats of leaving. You can do all of that after. Don't lie or be fake with your W. But be there to help her in these last months which can be very uncomfortable.

Just my 2 coins.

Get the paternity test.

Get the poly.

Accept no less as she is lying still.

Believe nothing without the two tests. She should be begging you to take them!

gp22,

I posted to your W a while ago and told her to puke it all out now, I could tell she was still lying. I'm really angry that she didn't do that for you.

Can you tell us what kind of details she just recently gave you? Were they lies of omission or flat out lies?

Some of this is (unfortunately) pretty normal. D*mn waywards just don't get that we do not WANT the details but that we NEED them.

BIG.HUGE.FAT.DIFFERENCE.

The relationship will stagnate until all the details are out, all the lies unfold. Waywards are wayward until the lying stops. Just because they aren't sleeping with the AP doesn't mean they have earned the "F".

<P.S. get the poly. Call around for other opinions. Tell us the kinds of questions you want answered and we can help you streamline them into acceptable poly questions.>

They were flat out lies. She had told me many times that the last time she saw him outside of the gym was 2/28/08. Last night she told me she saw him twice after that in March. She also revealed that she bought lingerie for him.

Until you are willing to man up and put your foot down expect the lies to continue.

I really question if you're the father of this child. The timing is very bad.

Don't trust one single thing she says.

She has no interest in having you think you're not the father since she obviously wants you to be there for the baby.