We've only been together 7 months. We both met via the internet and spent a lot of time commuting to/from each others' homes at the time when we were dating.

I kicked out my loser flatmate and invited my boyfriend to live with me. This was 4 months or so ago now as we were spending any free time w/each other + the cost of commuting between each other's homes (not to mention a few other reason) made it seem the proper thing to do.

Not to mention our work timetables were clashing often as well. So we thought it would be a good idea for him to move in with me so then we would spend more time together etc.

Yes, we've hit a rough patch. Mainly thanks to neglect of "us" time. We had plenty of it when we were not living together. It's only in the last month that the neglect has increased. We made time for each other prior to this "rough patch". We talked heaps. Now? I couldn't be more lonely.

Anyway, I've been devouring this site to help understand myself and my relationship and everything. I read about how living together prior to marriage is not ideal.

We were both planning to marry each other thus the reason why he moved in with me on top of the fact that the commute between our homes was killing our relationship (financially it was straining the both of us).

Would him moving out help save our relationship? I actually was contemplating this prior to reading how living together prior to marriage wasn't a good thing. I was thinking that it might be worthwhile for us to keep dating yet live separately until we were truly ready to make the committment.

"I was thinking that it might be worthwhile for us to keep dating yet live separately until we were truly ready to make the committment."

Yes, living together decreases the odds of you getting married and staying married.

Hope you will also get the book "The One", sold on this site or in bookstores.

Our main sources of conflict at the moment are:

* Not spending enough time together as a couple mainly due to his work (and sometimes my work)... then him not making "us" a priority (only after his kids, work and himself even).

* Financial: He is really bad with money and whilst I have tried and tried to help him, whilst he has said he is open to the help and likes the help ... he doesn't listen thru this actions. He works long hours (or more hours) because of his debt yet at the same time he won't do what needs to be done in order to really get rid of it all so that he won't have to work so much.

* Dishonesty: I caught him out with an online profile at a site which stated he was single looking for serious relationships, dating and friends. Some of his sent messages (as he had forgotten to erase them only inbox ones) were incriminating. I have no idea if he has actually met any of these women (he's 36 and one he was actively flirting with was 21).

Thus if he moved out none of the above would be solved and the number one reason for our incompatibility right now (not enough time together as a couple) will increase because I'm not financially in a good enough position to afford the fuel costs to travel to see him from where I am currently (nor can I move out as the lease is in my name).


*** HELP ***

Two things I would do. For finances, see if you can get access to Quicken's free online system. It allows you to use their money program to get control of your debt. I love it.

Second, I would start changing how you spend time together, so that you both start looking forward to being together, over other activities. I just posted this list for someone else, some possibilities:
Read a book together
Take turns picking out a movie to watch
Bring out the board games, at least once a week
Start a solitaire club with some neighbors or friends, play solitaire against each other one night a week or month
Start gardening together
Grow herbs/vegetables/fruits
Take walks
Start a sport together; take classes at a community college, such as racquetball or volleyball
Get bikes and start riding bikes together
Sign up for an MS 150 and train for the bike ride all year
Plan some day trips, start taking one every month
Try out one new restaurant every week, take turns choosing and surprising the other with it
Go to bookstore and get a book like “52 great invitations to sex” in which you both have 26 invitations for a special evening to invite the other one, and you set it up, give the other the invitation (included in book) and then put on the evening
Join an online gaming community together (but don’t get addicted!)
Buy a Wii or Guitar Hero and play together
Give each other foot rubs
Take massage class together and practice giving each other massages
Go back to school together
Get a pet, take it to obedience school and learn to train it (if applicable)
Join a neighborhood dinner club or other club
Volunteer together
Join a church or get more involved in your church
Take a cooking class together and take turns cooking for each other
Go to HGTV.com and pick out a project to do for your house together
Take free classes at Home Depot on how to fix something at your house
Start a business together
Organize a block party
Organize a family reunion
Start working with a financial planner or learn about stocks together
Take dancing lessons together; if you like it, start entering in competitions
Go online for your city and look up 'activities' and 'family' and maybe even 'free' if your city is big enough; subscribe to those websites and go there every month to look for upcoming activities you can all do together; you can find plays, music events, art things, sports things, picnics, etc.

The boy is still living like he was single and looking.
First of all, you aren't likely to "fix" him. Men marry women thinking that they will never change and women marry men believing that that will change. Both are usually pretty disappointed.

I'm not trying to turn this into a cliche, but you've been together for 7 months, he has at least one difficulty in dealing with money that you will probably not be able to solve until HE wants to change the way he handles money and you have already caught him lying about on-line contact and flirting with other women, which is how you met him to begin with.
What happened to his prior marriage (relationship) that resulted in the kids? How long since it ended?

Tell me again why you think this is the right guy for you...

While any of these problems might be able to be solved, it will take commitment and work from him as well as from you in order to accomplish much. Do you think he is ready to make that commitment and do the hard work it will take?

If you want this to work with him, for the financial part see Dave Ramsey.

Mark

I agree with Mark. Dave Ramsey is great. I would recommend using it - WITH Quicken Online. Together, they take care of everything. (Off to do more on my Quicken and Ramsey work)

Whatever the people says about you, at the end the decision is up to you to. But i think its to early for you two to live together.