I would not cater to them. It sounds in your letter you know they will question your credibility and ARE GIVING CREDENCE TO THAT PREMISE. of course she will spin it. That is an expectation. But that doesn't mean you give her any credence. You just state facts and mention you have evidence. End of story.

She will tell them this no matter what you say.

Also, if you are counseling with Steve tomorrow, I would wait to expose. He usually likes to TALK TO the affairee first.

TR:
Thanks for the input,I agree with your comments. Gut says it should still be shorter and punchier, but with 'nuff data to be credible & undeniable. Note will have to provide translated copy - so less is better. Any fluent Spanish translators out there?

ML:
I was waiting to talk with him first, however waiting for her to talk with him may be counter-productive:

A. She is out of town at convention with OM. With her subsequent mtgs. she won't be back for a week.
B. She has stated no interest in MC.
C. I'd prefer this hits when they are both on the road and less able to do direct damage control.

A forced talk at this point will sound the alarms and she will likely go into pre-emptive spin mode. She is quite paranoid - her present refrain when I say I don't feel authenticity from her is to lament that she would love to be open but is afraid I will use information to "destroy her".

One of my biggest coming challenges will be to convince her that the exposure wasn't exactly that...I even got the pithy rejoinder 'I am not trying to destroy you, just your affair and save our marriage'. still, she will see it as purely vengeful, her mind has always assumed the worst in others - I'm guessing the fog will only magnify.

I guess I will bring this up. Have you talked to a lawyer? Do you have a firm idea what you financial situation will be worst case scenario?

I am certain I would have gotten the same response from my WH but he was ready to leave the last relationship after 6 years when I caught him. I also threw him out of the house. It woke him up enough to start to think. The rest has just been one long slog through the worst swamp I have ever encountered. You know the one, it has lots of quick sand and snakes in it.

Good luck. I am going to check in on your thread often. I am so new at this myself that I hesitate to say too much yet. If nothing else I can give you moral support. You are getting lots of help from some of the best. The others will chime in too when they see this.

I am so happy you are going to talk to Steve. He will help you gather a plan together just for you. Stick with the plan then no matter what happens you will come out in better shape than you are now. The man seems to work miracles for me. I hope at some point your WW will join you.

I'll take a stab at the Spanish, although hopefully someone who is more fluent can correct it -

Estimada Familia,
Lamento mucho escribir esta carta para pedir sus consejos en una situacion que amenaza nuestro matrimonio de treinta y dos anos. Nosotros podemos usar sus consejos o influencia que ustedes pueden traer a la situacion.
Sally has tenido una relacion adulterio con Joe Scum por seis meses. El es casado y estuvo trabajando con ella en el Scumbad Division de Atlanta. Yo cobre evidencia de su adulterio and puedo conprobarlo. No es su primer adulterio, pero uno de muchos, durante los anos. Esta fue un modo de vida para Sally, and estoy convensido que no da favores por guardar esta secreto entre los anos. Yo no guardaria el secreto mas.
Es mi intencion salvar mi matrimonio de treinta y dos anos. Me amo Sally con toda mi corazon y mi alma y tambien nuestros hijos le aman. Mis hijos y yo te apreciamos also que puede hacer para influenciar Sally a terminar su adulterio asi posible salvar el matrimonio.
Sinceramente,

Darn good,
My comprehension is good, speaking rusty, writing marginal. Thank you very much.

LOL - My comprehension is good, my speaking marginal and writing marginal. We have lots of people here who DO speak Spanish, so hopefully one will show up.

Hi OldSong,

Sorry you find yourself here.

As for your letters,I agree with Mel that it needs to be short and concise. Her family isn'g going to want to read through all that and to them it will just sound like blah, blah, blah after awhile. If you can add a specific point of two that might strike a nerve without getting too wordy, do so. WW will try to spin it no matter what you say. You need to appear direct and not get lost in the details.

Flynn:
Not yet. Yeah, I know crazy. had checked some out in January, but believed we were/are going in a better direction. Financials not so good, esp. liquid assets. Am doing some renovations to house for anticipated sale when/if FL market comes back. Foreign, hidden and shared family assets will require a junk-yard dog + $$s + time.

In our initial talks about divorce the focus was on civility and I was looking into mediated solutions, I felt I had the recourse to go junk-yard if mediated wasn't working.

Glad to bring laughter into the topic - anyway thanks again...

Raven
Thanks, I'm doing rewrite along suggested lines. I'll update after my talk w/ SteveH in am.