I have been married for 18 1/2 years and My WH fessed up almost 1 year ago to having his 8 month fling. He had been thru with it for almost 1 year before he told me about it. It was his guilt that was eating him up inside. (There are days that I wish he had kept it to himself) I have asked him not to tell anyone....So most of our family memebers and friends do not even know what has been going on.

I have all of the classic symtoms of anger, denial, humiliation, discust in him and in myself, distrust in everyone including my own feelings - being that I didn't see it - and I should have seen it - At the time it was happening I couldn't have handled the truth!

From the outside folks think we are fairly normal. Well I am as angry as I could ever be! My emotions are off of the charts. All of my family lives out of State - We live close to his immediate family memebers - who are inlaws! So my choices have been limited. We have two wonderful boys who do NOT deserve any of this! When this started I only had a part time job and NO way to support myself and my boys alone, and with no other support. I was/am trapped to staying here. I currently have a full time job and make enough to barely surrvive - I just do not feel like my boys deserve to be put thru a divorce! I would have left if it hadn't been for them. Now I realized the other day that I am starting to resent my boys because I am still here.

They say that marriages can survive an affair....I am not so sure I can ever trust another human being again. The resenment is building quickly and to top matters off my WH has lost his sex drive! What is that about?

If anyone can help......PLEASE.....I need all of the advice and comments I can get.

God Bless you!

First, some questions:

Has your H ended all contact with the OW?

Do you wish to recover your M?

Yes to my knowledge the contact has ended.

Yes I would like it to work. I am so bitter and angry and I do not know if I can ever trust again!

Hey Colleen,

You should consider the MB weekend this month?

WH and I did it, it really is a good jump start to recovery. It deals with with many of the issues you are facing. You have ongoing support after the weekend from MB. The books and audio CD's are included.

You both would benefit from this a great deal.

Take care.

{{{Colleen}}}

I'm so sorry you are here, but so glad that you posted. I was where you are at now two years ago. Like you, I didn't want anyone to know and had no one to talk to. I wish I had found MB in the beginning after D-day, but I was so broken.

The first thing you need to do is to see a doctor for your symptoms of depression. This is wreaking havoc on your body, mentally and physically. I waited 9 months from D-day to see a doctor. You're further out than I was! The doctor was shocked I waited so long, but I know you understand why I couldn't. Please go. You won't have to go into great detail with the physician, just the basics of your situation. The antidepressant prescribed helped so that I wasn't sobbing every day, and the chest pain (anxiety) went away. I also needed something to help with insomnia temporarily -- how are you sleeping? The doctor will ask that you see a therapist -- again, something I did not want to do, but so necessary. My husband wanted us to go very early after D-day because he wanted to do everything he could to help us heal. When we went (he was a psychologist and MC), this helped enormously. Is this a possibility for you? You didn't mention in your post where your husband stands as far as achieving recovery. The fact that you said his guilt had overwhelmed him into telling you the truth -- that's a good thing so I'm hoping that he will want to go to a MC to learn how to heal the wounds he has caused. Humiliation, denial, anger, distrust...so many people here understand those feelings!! You wrote about concern for your sons -- please do this for them and yourself.

Secondly, you need to read everything you can on this site. As I said earlier, I wish I had found this site a long time ago! The vets here are very impressive -- full of compassion and very to the point. Please post again. The more information you give them, the more they can help you. Our MC was excellent, but I do wish my FWH and I had used the MB concepts in addition to seeing the MC. I feel my level of trust would be much higher if I had implemented MB's concepts. We are getting ready to do the questionnaires. I love that my FWH wants to do all he can for us. I'm hopeful that your FWH wants the same. I know it's so hard, but you must find out NOW.

I understand the feeling of just wanting to crawl into a hole. I understand that it's the first thing you think about when you wake, the last thing you think about before drifting off into a fitfull sleep. Please understand that the pain will go away -- it WILL go away. But the only way it will go away is if you take action.

My thoughts are with you, Colleen!

Kat

Sorry for your situation. I have been married 18 years also and when I first found out . . . I can't even describe the pain that I was feeling. It has been over a year and he has had on and off contact with the OW. I think the dialogue in my head is still that " I just cannot believe he did this to me! " . . . In hindsight I wish he kept some of the details to himself. I think the guilt my husband felt was conflicting emotions for both of us. That is soooo difficult to take. I believed that this could never happen to us! We have been in MC twice and both times he felt that me and the Counselour ganged up on him. So we are now trying on our own.

Hi Colleen,
I was just wondering how you were doing? Your story is so classic and exactly what I was feeling over a year ago. Your whole world seems upside-down and you can't believe that this is real huh? This type of betrayal is indescribable. Try to take care of yourself and prepare for more drama. It didn't start overnight . . . and it won't end overnight. It's a long haul but you CAN do it! I took comfort in the Psalms at this time because you need the power of the Lord with you!

God Bless.

hello i feel the same way you do i found out 6 months ago i had some suspions found out from his phone a very sexual tex message.i confronted him he told me hes been with her 9 months.i was ready to divorce him took some time and we went into counncelling he called i wouldn't. things have been going good till he had to go back to the army base.im a wreak im so afraid hes going to run into her. also what upsets me is shes married and has kids.i have so much hate and anger towards her. dont know what i will do if our paths cross.i always feel like im the only one thats hurting.i dont have alot of friends here as im not from here. i hoe you will write me back and i will do the same ty for listening.

Hi Tina Marie,

So sorry. You sound really upset and confused. I think you should post your story as a newbie that needs advice. I have been reading other people's stories and advice and it has been very helpful. No one will see you on this thread that Colleen started and you should get some help. I hope you read the WATS for new users of these boards. The insight is great as to what you should expect in the "shock and awe" stage of this betrayal. Also how to handle yourself if you do run into the OW. I am fortunate that the OW in my situation lives several states away and I don't know her. You are under enough stress having a husband in the Military these days! Please look for help and maybe resources on your Base. You really need a helping hand and if there is no family around it's hard. Please reach out! You are not alone sweetheart!!!