D'd WS nearly 2 years now. He M'd Ho last year. Just found out she's preggers. She's 17 yrs. younger. WS wouldn't have any more kids with me, and I wanted more. Said he was too old. Now this...

ExH told DS about it. Never bothered to tell me.

When does the pain end and why should I still care?

I guess I'm tired of hearing that AM's die 75% of the time. Guess his has a shot with a baby on the way. Maybe it's his way of proving to others that it really wasn't an A after all. They were meant to be together...

Still hurts.

((((((((Cat)))))))))

Thanks Michele...

CAT

I'm sorry you are hurting. It just plain sucks to keep hurting.

Can I point out that if you had another child with your ex I still think the outcome would be the same but you would have another child that is hurt by your ex's choices.


Just because she is pregnant does not mean it was planned or wanted by him and now the real everyday life will begin for the two of them, I hate to say it but every one here thinks that just because the ws moves on he some how improves HIM/HER Self for theie lovers if some one chose to leave a marriage instead of do the HARD WORK is not some one that is going to sit down with a self help book to make them a better partner.

Why is he still the focus of your own life?
You need to focus on your own life and live because life is too short to worry a fool and his ho's.

Swan,

You are right. I need to move on. My IC has been trying to get this through my head now for months. I am having a very hard time.

I doubt that this pregnancy was an accident. She was on the pill. ExH wouldn't have let it happen if he didn't want it too. I'm sure she wanted kids, she's still young enough to have them, and ExH will do anything to keep her happy.

I'm not so sure about ExH not changing. From what I've heard through others, he seems to be a completely different person now. Doing things for her, with her, that he never did for/with me. It's like he's literally wiping out all the years he had with me and starting all over again like he was 25.

OK... alert...pity party, but here goes...

I want what OW has. She got my H, she'll be getting a new baby, she got the lifestyle. That all should have been MINE! We had a VERY nice lifestyle. Vacations etc. She has all that now. I am scraping by to take my kid to Burger King.


Yeah I know that is so superficial, and I deserve the 2x4's for it, but I'm being honest in how I feel.

I resent him for making me start over again...dating and all the crap that goes with it. I thought I was done with that. I thought when I M'd that was it, he was it!

He got the life he wanted, he's happy. I'm still trying to deal with all of this.

Why when I did it all right...didn't lie, didn't cheat etc, etc, I get the sh$t, and he did it all wrong...cheated, lied etc, and he got the life he wanted. I know I sound like a 2 year old not getting candy at the grocery store, but it's just not fair.

I'm at the point now that why should I be a good person? I always put others first, did all the right things, went to church. It doesn't seem to get me anywhere. ExH still has his friends, family supporting him, and they all know what he did. He's still well respected at work. Why should I put the extra effort out there to do good, when doing bad seems to get rewarded more. I've stopped going to church, stopped believing. ExH never went to church, don't think he even believes in God, he's doing OK.

OK pity party over. Sorry again if I sound like a baby, but right now that's just my feelings.

Family/friends think I am a total [censored] for giving him the time of day and spending so much energy on worrying about his life. Obviously he's moved on and is not worrying about my life, and I guess that is what hurts the most. That he can just throw away all the years he had with me and my kids, and love someone else enough to have a baby with them. Thats hard for me to deal with. I just need to get there in my mind. And this is the only place I can come to really say how I feel.

Thanks for listening...

Cat

Cat

I so wish I could take some of that pain away for you. I've got tears in my eyes because I can FEEL it. I am so sorry.

We can all tell you the same thing that your IC has told you, but it's easy for ME to do. You're the one living this he)). You still feel the injustice of it all. I'm pretty sure I would feel the exact same way if it were me.

I just want to ask you this. How would you feel if WH and OW KNEW how much your happiness involves THEIR lives? Just think of the "kick" OW would get knowing this.


Don't give it to her. Take that power away from her. Take that power away from him.

You ARE a decent, good person and there are good things on the horizon. Open yourself up to them. You CAN be happy again.

(((Cat))))

I hope that I did not come across as not understanding your feelings, because I know that you hurt and like MicheleG says it's comes across in your post.


But I see you posting about your husbands life with the ow than what is going on in your life this is what I see your actions as:


Cat driving down the road of life "NOT LOOKING IN THE REAR VIEW BUT LOOKING OVER YOUR SHOULDER AS YOU DRIVE DOWN THE ROAD OF LIFE"

Your so busy looking into his life that LIFE is passing you by!
God forbid that something happens to you in the future and all this time you spent obsessing over their life.

So what she lucked out with a better life style with him life is not fair and some of us are dealt with the short straw,

Train yourself. Put a big honkin' rubber band around your wrist and whenever you go WOE IS ME MY XWH IS DOING SO WELL snap the damn thing as hard as you can.

This will help you.

Thanks!

I know I am wasting such precious time on a piece of crap and a ho, but I guess when ExH flaunts his new car and diamond wedding band and who knows what else at me, it's just hard to deal with knowing that could have been my stuff too. Yeah I am jealous.

I do make absolutely sure that he thinks this M and new baby doesn't have any affext on me at all. Sometimes I think I should win an oscar for the performance I give in front of him, even though it is tearing me up inside.

I try not to have contact with him, but there's been a lot of issues lately with DS that he needs to know about.

I guess the bottom line is I want revenge. I want him to pay for all the he// he's caused me and my kids and he seems to be getting away with it all and living the life he wanted and is happy.

Cat

Let it go. Karma is a [censored]

I don't think I believe in what goes around comes around. At least I've never seen it happen to anyone that it should have happened to!

Just because you may never know about it doesnt mean anything.

Oh yeah? Ask WS-Mr. Gray!



I didn't ask for revenge or anything. Just my fair share so I can finish school and have a decent earning power on my own.

But he's getting it in Spades!! More to come!!

Living well is the best revenge. There is a LOT of truth in that old ditty!!

Just let it go already, cat!! You are better than this!!

Charlotte

Dancing,

Don't know your sit, but just curious, how is he getting his?

Cat if he is so happy and content he would not be trying to push your buttons, Some time the waywards and their ow/om the BS to keep their relationship going and exciting because after all the running around in secret comes to an end with the divorce.

Just ignore and live your life with your kids he really will get his in the end,
Because I know it's not right but when I do see a couple and there is an age difference I always wonder if he is a cheating scum bag,

Yeah he is a cheating scumbag and she's young enough to be his daughter!

She's not even old enough to be my DD's stepmother!!

Kind of sick in a way that he'd want someone who's just a little older than his own kid.

Twisted!

I love this poem !!!



The Dash Poem

by Linda Ellis








I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?



http://www.lindaslyrics.com/thedashpoem.html

WxH's life may look rosy and peachy from the outside, but you don't ever really know what's going on inside their marriage. He may have agreed to the baby to appease her. There could be tension and the baby might be a desperate attempt to normalize the marriage.

Or, the baby might bring stressors into the marriage and cause things to crumble. You just never know what's going on with someone else's life.

And you know what? It doesn't matter. You have your own life to live. Believe me, I hear you about doing right and getting shafted, while he doesn't care and is living the life of Ryan. IT IS NOT FAIR. IT SUCKS. And I'm sorry for the pain you feel.

Try re-training yourself to focus on you, your strengths, and how wonderful you are. Hopefully that will bring you some peace and happiness. You certainly deserve it.

Thanks for the poem. Sure is something to think about...

Turtle, you might be right about him agreeing to a baby just to make her happy. From what I have heard about their M, he kisses her butt for EVERYTHING. Never did for me though!

But gee! A baby sure is a big thing just to make someone happy! I would never have thought he would have agreed to that. He told me he was too old to have kids, that was like 6 years ago. Then he said he didn't want to be 60 with a kid in high school. Well he'll be more than 60! Then he told me he wanted his older years to be free to travel etc. not have to worry about strollers and car seats. Well, guess what!

Still can't believe he would have agreed to a baby just to appease her. But who knows? She does have him wrapped around her finger, that I'm pretty sure of. Plus I think he needs her income to keep up his lifestyle.