It's been seven months since my husbands affair. We are still together and were doing pretty well. Tomorrow is our six year wedding anniversary. I am happy that we are working things out and that we are still together but I'm not sure I want to remember the day we made our vows. It only serves to remind me that the vows were broken and makes me remember what has been lost. For those of you that have been through this, what do you do on your wedding anniversary after an affair?

I haven't felt the way you do, but maybe you could reclaim the day. You could renew your vows, or write new ones for each other and share them with one another.

Lets see, my anniversary was ONE month after d-day and a couple weeks before Christmas....

hmmm- I think I pulled out a cigar I had already bought him for Christmas and found a card that summed up how I was feeling- something like - maybe I think I like you maybe I love you, I am po'ed for what you did- but let's work through it- in much nicer words of course

I was perplexed with I really don't have it in me to be nice to someone who has ripped my heart out... to celebrate the day we married etc... wasn't getting him through withdrawal enough... but what if I did nothing?... what message would that send him- ugh


my advice do what feels good to you... if you need to tone it down this year do it... if you need to reclaim it do that... do what you feel you can honestly handle... seems like anything else is just a burden, right?

I have been wondering how I will handle my anniversary in three months. I also feel that it will be just a painful reminder that three of the 42 anniversaries we shared meant nothing to my FWH. Our marriage counselor said that rather than celebrate a long relationship that we recommit ourselves on that day to a happy future. I have come to realize that every holiday and every "special" day for the next year will be trigger days. My FWH also knows that such times will be hard for me. I warned him when he promised to love me and only me for the rest of our lives (just after D-day) that it wouldn't be an easy job because I now come with a lot of baggage that will at times make me very unlovable. He now realizes that all the books and counseling sessions were right; we'll have two good weeks and then I go to the dark place where his former betrayal gets the best of me. We know now that we'll resurface with love and commitment. Knowing that you'll get past a rough anniversary day and come out on the other side may just be the key to survival. Pray and try hard to do something special and romantic for him and ask that he do the same. I'm giving advice now that has no real basis since I've yet to live throught the anniversary blues. Maybe I'm using your thread to start psyching myself up for it.
Bless you and good luck. Let us know how it goes.