One ongoing issue I have had with my wife that is I feel like I do all of the pursuing. That has led me to on again/off again bouts of frustration and insecurity. She's receptive to everything. She's receptive to me grabbing her hand, but she'd never grab mine. She'll hug me if I go find her and hug her. I'll text her a nice message, but she'd never do the same for me.

But if I ever get to a point where I can't stand it anymore and confront her about her lack of nurturing, she acts baffled. One thing that I can draw from those many conversations is airing out my grievances doesn't change anything. Although she's heard it a million times, she just won't come up, look me in the eye and plant one on me. She is perpetually distracted.

I can't decide if she's faking the whole marriage thing. She often gives me the vibe that she's unhappy and made a mistake by marrying young. She's going through a midlife crisis and has been for over a year. But when I throw it out there that I'm just unmet, she's so insistent that she loves me and loves being married to me.

The thing is if I make her carry her weight and stop doing all of the work, it's just manipulation and she feels the tension, which might make her do some of the work, but it's an empty reward.

On the other hand, her behavior has been consistent and far predates her mlc. It goes back to childhood. She was very coddled by an overly fussy father. He did EVERYTHING for her. Living up to him (which I won't do) is impossible. She spent the first few years of our marriage disappointed with me about things like the gas tank not always being full. Her dad always took care of that.

She is also hyper-emotional about criticism. She can't handle even a little bit of it, so I have always handled her with kid gloves until I can't stand something anymore and blow up.

I don't know. Maybe she needs some tough love.

lol, my first thought is you're complaining that she doesn't initiate enough affection toward you although you've told her 'a million times' that you need that, but I have to ask: Do you fill up her gas tank now?

Yeah, I pretty much dote on her. I bought her flowers twice this week. I do most of the housework. I bring her wine at night and do a lot of little things to let her know she's loved. If I stop doting, then she gets that worried look on her face and withdraws. She's fine if I'm pursuing, then withdraws if I'm not. I don't get any of that type of treatment, though, even though I've basically begged for even a little of it.

I think she's just spoiled.

Have you read The Five Love Languages? It really opened our eyes. My H felt I was smothering him (turned out my Love Language is physical touch), and I felt like my H was ignoring me in favor of doing chores (guess what his LL is? yep, Acts of Service). We were loving each other, but we were doing it WRONG, lol. If you can find out what your W's LL is (things that make her feel loved), then you can see how she is being loving, just in the way she herself sees love, not necessarily how you see it. Then you can work on changing some things.

Your library may have it, and I recommend doing the long quiz in the back of the book, not the short one on the website.

And really, you need to cut out the DJ's: spoiled, oblivious. Not very nice.