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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 1
S
Junior Member
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Junior Member
S
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 1
My husband and I were married May 31, 2008. He's truly amazing and the absolute love of my life. He feels, and shows that he feels, the same way.

Our first year was filled with tremendous stress because we had to deal with getting my Greencard (which is still in process) and family members that were seriously ill. So while some couples have a blissful experience we have gone through our challenges and come out of it with a stronger sense of "us". And now as we approach our first anniversary we are looking forward to taking out marriage to the next level (I suppose it's a process that starts amazing and only gets better).

I want our marriage to be incredible. I can't wait for the stress of the Greencard process to be over (we are in the last step of waiting for our interview which should be in the next couple months). And I'm enjoying building our life together. I'm eager to learn more.

My question to the board are:

What do you do to connect with your partner during challenging times? The book suggested doing the REI (which we did tonight and was really cool) ... but what do you do to show your husband/wife that you appreciate them. Daily or weekly rituals perhaps?

How do you manage conflict? How do you make-up?

Thanks in advance. I'm very much wanting to fulfill all of my husbands needs and he very much (if not more) on a mission to make my life amazing. But as newlyweds it's nice to rely on the knowledge of others.

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3
T
Junior Member
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T
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 3
in my own little experience,try to talk together as often as you can .Dont neglect affection-i mean hugging,kissing....it goes a long way in holding you guys together.I often times send my husband some love text messages.Remember this...resolve any conflicts between yourself ,no third party.

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
C
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C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Communication is king.

Remember that, above all else. Every problem I've seen with marriages started out in the two stop talking to each other like best friends, start holding things in, not telling the whole truth, becoming defensive...instead of being best friends.

IMO, aside from that, the best thing you can do is learn about Love Busters and Emotional Needs. Your anniversary would be a phenomenal time to sit down with the LB and EN questionnaires and both of you filling them out, so you'll get to know each other even better.

Once you know his LBs (what you do that annoys him) and his ENs (what he needs you to provide him as his wife), you work to remember it, and make sure you never LB him and you always meet his ENs. Same for him. If you can do that, you'll have a great time.

MB also recommends you spend at least 15 hours a week together doing non-work things - fun time, basically. Keep the marriage fresh. Make it something you both look forward to coming home to. I have a list I give out of things you can do together to keep your marriage interesting.

Read a book together
Take turns picking out a movie to watch
Bring out the board games, at least once a week
Start a solitaire club with some neighbors or friends, play solitaire against each other one night a week or month
Start gardening together
Grow herbs/vegetables/fruits
Take walks
Start a sport together; take classes at a community college, such as racquetball or volleyball
Get bikes and start riding bikes together
Sign up for an MS 150 and train for the bike ride all year
Plan some day trips, start taking one every month
Try out one new restaurant every week, take turns choosing and surprising the other with it
Go to bookstore and get a book like “52 great invitations to sex” in which you both have 26 invitations for a special evening to invite the other one, and you set it up, give the other the invitation (included in book) and then put on the evening
Join an online gaming community together (but don’t get addicted!)
Buy a Wii or Guitar Hero and play together
Give each other foot rubs
Take massage class together and practice giving each other massages
Go back to school together
Get a pet, take it to obedience school and learn to train it (if applicable)
Join a neighborhood dinner club or other club
Volunteer together
Join a church or get more involved in your church
Take a cooking class together and take turns cooking for each other
Go to HGTV.com and pick out a project to do for your house together
Take free classes at Home Depot on how to fix something at your house
Start a business together
Organize a block party
Organize a family reunion
Start working with a financial planner or learn about stocks together
Take dancing lessons together; if you like it, start entering in competitions
Go online for your city and look up 'activities' and 'family' and maybe even 'free' if your city is big enough; subscribe to those websites and go there every month to look for upcoming activities you can all do together; you can find plays, music events, art things, sports things, picnics, etc.


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