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Jaruuk,
What kind of mother has your WW been like in the past?
Was it easy for her to leave her family for 7 months, when she started this project?
What was your M like last year, before she left?
How committed are you to protect your M, meaning how much are you willing to do for this?
It would also be helpful to add ages of you, WW, and kids, how long married, in your signature line.
M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA
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She has now given me an ultimatum. Either we get divorced with me keeping the kids (she's given up fighting for custody) or we stay together for 8 years until the kids are older, at which time we'll get a divorce anyway. Well call her out on her ultimatum. Tell her to file and take her up on her offer to about child custody. See what happens...
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Tell WW that you can not control her. If she leaves, divorces stays, whatever, you will not accept her dating OM. That she is in no position to give you ultimatums. Keep exposing WW's insanity to WW's parents. Does WW have siblings? Expose them.
Now is the time to tell your kids that mom is dating OM and wants to leave you and them. WW will get mad because it is more exposure throwing light on her affair.
You tell the WW that the kids need the truth and you will not lie to your kids. Then you can ask why is the WW mad for you telling the truth.
Let the truth be known. Nothing puts on the pressure to end an affair as the truth being told.
Standard WW babble to spurt anger when they learn that their affair is being exposed. This shows how effective exsposure is. The WW will attack, scare, intimidate the BH to stop exposing because facing the truth hurts the WW.
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Let the truth be known. Nothing puts on the pressure to end an affair as the truth being told.
Standard WW babble to spurt anger when they learn that their affair is being exposed. This shows how effective exsposure is. The WW will attack, scare, intimidate the BH to stop exposing because facing the truth hurts the WW. Listen to TheRoad here. WW's head is exploding because the TRUTH is being told. How is the truth vindictive? Do you tell your children to be honest or do you expect them to be decent and tell the truth. Lying has consequences. This is a simple concept that we teach our children everyday. You tell the WW that the kids need the truth and you will not lie to your kids. Then you can ask why is the WW mad for you telling the truth. LOL at this part. When my FWH was having a stroke that I exposed, I told him the same thing...why are you so mad WH? I thought you'd be happy that you don't have to hide Tramp-o-lean in hotel rooms anymore. You and OW should be proud of your relationship. OW might start getting a complex and think she's a whore or something. 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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LOL at this part. When my FWH was having a stroke that I exposed, I told him the same thing...why are you so mad WH? Oh man, they really do look like they are going to stroke out.  I thought my WH gey matter would start to ooze out of his ears, no that's wrong, it already had years before  . He was so red with rage spewing how he will not let me ruin his name in the community blah blah blah. I gave him no reaction, and kept my thoughts (****** idiot) in my head. WH did get my thoughts the next am, when I knew he'd be able to process them.  Jaruuk, Just so you know, these accounts of how WS react will help you. They are typical when they find out that significant people in their lives know of their shameful behaviour. They really do turn into someone else. I can't add anything that hasn't already been said. How's it going?
M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA
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She has now given me an ultimatum. Either we get divorced with me keeping the kids (she's given up fighting for custody) or we stay together for 8 years until the kids are older, at which time we'll get a divorce anyway. But, and this is a big butt, she can do whatever she pleases. She will see other men and I can see other women. She will do whatever she wants with no regard for me. I have no say in her life, her activities, etc. This makes me no sense to me! What kind of a marriage is that? If that's her idea of trying to limit damage to the kids, I think maybe it's better I just get divorced now. Take full advantage of this development!!!! Save your children and drop this vile creature!
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Step 1: find a lawyer today and have him prepare you some papers to pick up tomorrow detailing exactly what she offered (total child custody for you)
Step 2: tomorrow, take off work and pick up the papers
Step 3: go home and change all the locks at the house
Step 4: pack up all her clothes and toiletries and have it all waiting on the driveway for her when she gets off work
Step 5: have the papers and a pen sitting on her suitcase
Step 6: watch her have a sudden change of heart and beg you not to do this as she agrees to NC
Oh, and in the meantime, work up a list of all of OM's contacts (parents, siblings, friends, family) and all of WW's contacts - hire a PI to get it all if you don't know it - and be prepared to sit down day after tomorrow and call them all if she walks. Exposure is your friend. They have survived her parents knowing, but you haven't made their lives truly miserable yet. Expose! And tell the kids what she is doing. They have to hear from you that it's wrong, so they won't repeat it.
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She's been a good mom until the ea, even taking a kid on dates and having pics taken. I had the other kid, 5 and 7. 8 yrs married. Mid 30's. Vey committed to M for kids sake. And I still love her very much. But if it doesn't work then no choice to divorce for kidssake.
Low point 05-07 because of bad investments but upswing since then. Hope it's just the fog saying she can live without her kids and parents. Finally got OM to stop contact. She's furious at me for that. How long before fog lifts with continued no contact? Exposure to parents helped too. Maybe kids too young for exposure.
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Jaruuk,
You may want to clearly establish custody right now while she is being agreeable. Doesn't mean you have to go all the way to D, but at least you won't lose the children. Where were the children when she was in NY for 7 months?
Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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Jaruuk,
She is taking the kids on dates? Maybe this is just bad phrasing. Do you mean play dates or on her dates with the OM?
Me 42 BS
Wife 41 FWW (exwife now)
Divorced 10/14/2008
S 21
D 18
D 16
S, S 13 (twins)
Grandson 8 months
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jaruuk- Someone referenced the Carrot and Stick of Plan A so I thought I'd post it for you to save you the time of searching for it. The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A by Pepperband
The carrot of Plan A
Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.
Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.
Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.
Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.
Stop lovebusting behaviors.
Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.
Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.
Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.
Offering forgiveness and understanding.
The stick of Plan A
Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.
Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.
Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.
Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.
Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.
Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.
Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family. Hang in there-
johnstwin-
"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther
Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!
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Obviously you can't go with this ridiculous 8 year plan of her. File for divorce and have her served(you don't have to sign). Take the kids. I will wager before things gel she will have second thoughts. Who could leave her children for 7 months? She needs a dose of reality.
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She took a kid to NY. Went on dates all together. Even overnights. Exposure didn't work. She's willing to disown her parents and keylog says she won't give up and willing to lose everything.
After speaking with my parents I will back off and not get divorced for the kids.
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Jaruuk, this is insane! Do you want your children to grow up thinking it is ok to cheat on their spouse, or to be a doormat so THEY can be cheated on?
That is what will happen if you don't stop this! Don't do this TO your children!
Oh, and PLEASE don't give us the BS that you are doing it 'for the kids.' You know better, and we do, too - you are doing it so she won't leave YOU.
Stop being selfish and do the right thing.
Last edited by catperson; 03/10/09 10:34 AM.
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I gave up. Could care less now because keylog says she will never reconcile with me.
It's my parents recommendation. Our agreement is the
Kids cannot see our dates.
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It's my parents recommendation. Our agreement is the Kids cannot see our dates. That may be the WORST plan, justified by the most twisted pretzel logic that I think I've ever seen on this forum and THAT is really saying something. With a plan like that, there's nothing you can do but FAIL!!!
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After speaking with my parents I will back off and not get divorced for the kids. Wow. You're such a doormat you'll screw up your own children.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I value my parents advice. Are they that wrong?
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I think so. While I understand your desire to keep your children's home intact (what BS doesn't want that) I find it ridiculous to pretend you are one happy family while boinking other people in private. You are teaching your children to be hypocrites. Perhaps not intentionally but that's the lesson they will learn. I don't know what your religious belief are, but you are willing to become an adulterer yourself. That's a sin against God no matter what you and WW agree to. Even if you aren't religious, you are throwing your own self respect and that for your children into the gu tter.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I value my parents advice. Are they that wrong? THEY ARE VERY WRONG.
ManInMotion
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