Okay, so by now, most of you know who I am and who my H is. Last week was a very tough week for both of us. I had been lying to him, and all of you for that matter, for 10 months in regards to my A that I had last year. Monday of last week I sat down and made a list of 10 things that I had not been honest with my husband about. We talked about them after work. On Tuesday, he still was sure that I was lying to him about something. I was. We were about to walk out the door to meet with our Pastor and I just couldn't stand it anymore. I told him the last BIG 3 things that I had been with-holding and lying about to him. I spent the rest of the week writing a time line out for him of what happened during the A, actions, thoughts, emotions, feelings, everything. We are starting over. My lies have been exposed for 1 week and it feels like the A just happened. I know, my fault. I understand that. If I would have just told him all of this in April 2008 when the A was exposed we wouldn't be dealing with this now. Where I need help is, well there is a lot of areas I need help, but today, in regards to a poly.

I WANT to take the polygraph test. I have told him everything. I have stripped myself of all the deceit and lies and I want to take the polygraph. I called the examiners that are located in my area and I am not sure what the best would be to go with. The cost varies from $300 - $850. They both say they ask 10 questions total with only 2-4 questions based on the A itself. Is this what is normal? For those of you have been involved in a poly, what should I be looking for? They both said that the questions need to be yes/no questions, not intent questions. I guess I am just looking for some advice on what and who is the best to pick for this exam or I am I going to get the same result... honesty will show on any test as long as it is honesty. I am trying to be proactive and schedule this test because a veteran on my post last week said that a good thing to do is be proactive. I am trying to prove to H that I am trying to put his needs first and I need advice on this issue.

lindz0225

WW 31 (me)
BS 32
PA 2/8/08 - 3/26/08
NC 4/21/08
D-Day #1 4/21/08, D-Day #2 4/25/08,
D-Day #3 3/2/09, D-Day #4 3/3/09

I hate being lied to.

Lindz -

Do you read your own posts?

Over a month ago you wrote -

"Thank you for your encouragement. We have spent many of the last days talking, honestly and openly, and it has been the best for us. Painful, yes. Absolutely horrible, yes. But, as you say, in the long run it will be better. I have let my defenses down and answered his questions honestly. It has been so hard but I know that it is helping him. And me too. I know that hearing the answers that I have told him to his questions have been really hard for him but I can also finally see what I have done by not telling him the truth. I have been selfish and trying to protect myself has been destroying him. I can't keep destroying him."

Now it turns out there were 10 more lies, and 3 more after those final 10.

I will not spend one minute helping you "prove" things to your H after you've lied to us.

After barely surviving trickle truth from my FWH, I only have so much tolerance for wayward babble these days. Perhaps a FWS will be willing to help you or a very patient BS.

Good luck.

Do I ever read my own posts... yes but I didn't put the effort into the posts because I knew I was lying. And, I never took what you vets said completely to heart. I thought that my situation was different and that just because you guys had experienced it, doesn't mean that you know what we are going through. I was selfish.

I am sorry that many of you vets don't feel that I am worthy of being helped but I really do need it. I know that the truth has been put out on the table for my husband and yes, I need to prove that.

Waybabble alert!!!!!

The way my WstbxH phrased it was: "I didn't bother to try because I was lying anyway."

Lindz, have you ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf?

I've been calling you a liar for 6 weeks.

I've also advised your H to divorce you.

Both still hold.

Goldpig, dump this liar and save the $850 for a lawyer.

Like I said, she's been using this forum to game you.

Toss her.

I never respond to you so now I feel it is time. You HAVE been calling me a liar for 6 weeks. I know because I do read what you write. You were right, I was lying. But now I am asking for advice on the poly. I need help with it. I understand that you think my H should divorce me and toss me to the curb, but I want to show him and everyone else and I am not selfish all of the time and that I am trying to put his needs first. If at the end of all of this, he decides that he wants to divorce me, at least I will know that I put all that I could into the recovery. I know it has taken me this long to see that but I do see it.

lindz, do you hear yourself? You still sound selfish when claiming not wanting to be selfish. Sounds like you are more interested in easing your guilt.

And Goldpig.....Get the DNA test.

Dollars to donuts this baby is not yours!

With all her lies why would you assume she told the truth about when the A ended (if it has)?!?!

It's disgusting that you tried to use this forum and it's members to continue your RAPE of your husband.

I've not read your posts, other than this thread, so all I can say is that it seems that (to quote Nancy Sinatra) "you keep lyin' when you ought to be truthin'".

So, for starters, I would say you need to tell the truth. No matter what....Somewhere, I once learned somthing that has stuck with me for decades....'Your word, when given, is sacred and never should you create mistrust by violating it.'

We could give you advice all day long.....what it boils down to is that [u]YOU NEED TO TELL THE TRUTH[/u].

Are you adult enough to do that or is that too hard for you?

Actually not wanting to ease my guilt what-so-ever. I don't think in this situation you can ever ease your guilt. There is never anything "easy" about this. It's about helping my husband know that the questions he still has about the A are true and that I am not lying. That is not being selfish. That is trying to help him.

Adult enough yes. And the written time lines and commitment to telling to truth are examples of how I am trying to do that. I will admit, it was hard for me. I was a coward. I will regret not being "adult" enough to tell the truth in 4/08.

This woman did not make her first anniversary before cheating.

I believe Dr. Harley has some sage advice for BS's that early in a marriage.....

I have told him from the second that we found out I was pregnant that I expect him to want a DNA test and welcome it. I have never claimed that a DNA test was not important. I have claimed however, that there is no question that he is the father... and I hold steadfast in cement that he is the father!

Lindz:

The skeptical part of me reads this as:

"WW Needs advice on how to beat the polygraph test"

What questions might I be asked, so I can beat them.
What examiner should I use so that I can beat the examiner
What methods should I use to make sure that what I am still lying about will not be revealed.
What questions should I avoid so that even more lies are not exposed.


How about this:

Select one of the examiners.
Ask for 3-5 open dates for the exam.
Give the dates and times and the phone number to your BH.

Ask him to schedule the date so that it makes sense for him. Ask him to consult with the examiner on the question list.
Then let him develop the question list with the examiner, and you just attend on the day.

You have no knowledge of the questions.
You have had no part in steering the questions away from what needs to be explored.
And your BH just takes you on the day scheduled, and you are NOT told of the actual day.

Would it be better if you just scheduled it?

Yes. It is probably better for the BS to SEE the WS being proactive.

But the skeptical side of me sees a someone who I think may, JUST MAY, be trying to learn secrets to beat it.

I hope I'm wrong.

Otherwise, just book it. And let your BH select the questions with the examiner, and stop fishing.

LG

You also 'held steadfast' that you weren't lying.

Get the DNA Goldpig!

Lindz,

I took one and all I can say is empty your memory banks make sure you have told everything, if you remember something during the test it will be detected. The examiners are usually good and have alot more experience at this than you do. An example would be if you said you only orgasmed once and in fact you did three times.

By saying the above I presume you are a person with morals and not a psycho. Btw a blank response also indicates deception and they will likely ask control questions to detect that. In my case the control question was what is the square root of 2384.

In my case I told the truth about most of the questions, but the examiner knew I was withholding something and correctly deduced that it was something in my past not directly related to the matter at hand.

God Bless
Good Luck
NJ