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#2228088 03/10/09 04:47 PM
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Hello all,

I started reading this forum yesterday and was inspired to register by a strong desire to respond to a thread I read.

I've been looking for a mostly positive active forum to chat with others about marriage etc and have noticed that most forums tend to be more for marital trouble than anything else.

Anyway this part of the forum, being about romantic experiences, is the closest I have gotten to what I am seeking so far. So I thought I would start a thread about romance.

I have learned/experienced from my husband that romance is often all about the small things that get done every day. Here are some of them that I am grateful for:

1. The way he slips a breakfast bar into my handbag every morning so I have something to snack on when I'm hungry in my office.
2. When we have our saturday morning tea at our favourite cafe and order our regular choc mud cake, he will turn the icing side to face me - because even though we both love the icing, he wants me to have it.
3. The way he is serious and committed about doing 50% of the housework even though he knows he could get away with much less.
4. When the alarm goes off in the morning, he always gets up and has his shower first so that I can sleep in that extra bit.
5. He always wakes me up with kisses and a hug - which is an awesome way to greet the day.
6. Many, many random hugs and kisses throughout the day.
7. He always has time to listen and cuddle when I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps.
8. He keeps an eye out on restaurants that are serving the kind of desert I love the most (melty chocolate cakes) and takes me there with glee.
9. He has never once failed to tell that the dinner I make for him is yum.
10. The way he talks about me to his friends. ("My wife did this, my wife did that" - with pride - and when they tell me about this laughingly afterwards.. I feel so warm inside that he likes talking about me.)

IndigoSun #2230212 03/14/09 04:52 AM
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 Originally Posted By: IndigoSun
I've been looking for a mostly positive active forum to chat with others about marriage etc and have noticed that most forums tend to be more for marital trouble than anything else.


Hi IndigoSun--Thanks for posting a positive thread. I have seen several posts that are typifying an overall "negative" attitude on this forum and this is not to be in our marriages. I have even been told "to leave him, you deserve better" because he was exhibiting anger or injustice and was needing to be heard...God's way is NOT the easy way but it is the path that I choose. Try "the marriage bed"...it is all about the more "intimate" side of marriage; for christians.

 Quote:
10. The way he talks about me to his friends. ("My wife did this, my wife did that" - with pride - and when they tell me about this laughingly afterwards.. I feel so warm inside that he likes talking about me.)


I loved your list; especially no.10. I seem to WANT to hear something like this so badly but my husband is "closed mouth" and considers it bragging that he has such a wonderful woman rather than seeing it as praise to God for having been given ME.

The way I like to show romance is LOT of touching, kissing and affection; even in public. At home, I would stand in a doorway and for years he would try to sneak by me without a kiss but NOW he stops me!!!

He loves it when I kiss and cuddle and snuggle with him as he wakes up...I think that is the ONLY way to open your eyes! (I would too; but I am the "morning person").


dearheart #2230815 03/15/09 07:44 PM
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Hello dearheart!!

I must admit, I'm not tied to any particular religion but very much believe that our marriage is sacred it's treated as sacred by my husband and I.

And because of that, no matter what happens, (short of abuse), the "d" word is not an option.

I feel sad by just how quickly people advise leaving your partner when a person posts about the negative aspects of their marriage. Surely people should realise that is just one side posting, and posting purely about the negative when there is likely a lot of positive also.

And surely, while we all have the power to learn, grow and change, any marriage can change for the better.

I agree that physical affection in the form of hugs and kisses (the non-explicitly sexual stuff) are the very best. They make you feel adored and happy.

IndigoSun #2257381 05/07/09 03:02 AM
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Please note that Marriage Builders is a forum geared primarily towards helping couples suffering from infidelity. Any complaints about the 'negative' focus of forum members should be made to the moderators.

Indio; Af is a valid EN for many people, it is not a high EN for all.


Flick
Flick #2257970 05/07/09 08:33 PM
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I agree that small things that get done every day are great, but I also think that a once a week (or month if you don't have the time) big thing should occur too. By "big", I don't necessarily mean expensive. I mean that it requires some planning and foresight which shows your partner that they are always on your mind.

One thing that I've really had fun doing is to make up a holiday. Not sure if you guys know about "Steak and BJ" day on March 14th, but it is supposedly the guy's version of Valentine's Day. I bought a Valentine's Day card and reworded it so that it had all sorts of flirty innuendo. Then I took him out for a steak dinner at a great sports bar/steak house. I will spare you the details of the rest of the evening ;o) Then the next morning I woke up and made a huge manly breakfast.

A different way to do date nights is to use invite cards, like you get for dinner parties. I always plan the whole evening and include some background info on the location or event in the card. I write in the RSVP section to accept with hugs and kisses in bed later that evening. I attach the envelope to a single rose and leave it somewhere for him to find. The date itself doesn't have to be spectacular - dinner and a movie, bowling (idea would be to attach silly socks you have to wear instead of a rose), a live boxing match, etc. I try to pay attention to things he exresses an interest in and do the research ahead of time to fulfill his wish.

He works out pretty frequently and once I tried to surprise him with a hot bubble bath, candles, and music to relax his muscles when he came home. But he explained that the last thing he wanted to do after a workout was take a hot bath, but rather a cold shower. So at the next opportunity where I was home before he finished his workout, I taped roses all around the shower, turned the bathroom lighting on low, and lit some candles all around.

I really think that taking them by surprise, in addition to our normal daily affection, is necessary to add a little extra umpfh to the relationship. To let them know that they really are the center of our world. I wish I had done it when our relationship was at its peak. I can only imagine what our love would be like now if I had worked to improve things when they were already good . . .

Thanks for starting the thread and am really looking forward to hearing more ideas . . .


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