This is a short update for those who still care.

This story is not a story, it is my life.

Believe it, or not. It really doesn't matter. I am living it and my friends and family in particular can't believe it's actually happening either and they see it first hand. I am living a nightmare.

To clarify why I said I was looking good - you have all said to give the impression that I am doing fine without him and that I am confident and not being worn down by his harrassment and abuse. I made that statement to demonstrate that I was looking and feeling strong and good so that WH would maybe think that his threats and abuse was not having any affect on me and therefore not allowing him any power and control over me.

It's like you all forget what this is about sometimes.

My IC even told me to remain strong in the face of this and look confident and composed and great all the time. If he saw my fear and my concern he wins and has control. Any wavering of the lip or tears or anger is demonstrative of his power over me.

He came "down" on Saturday night. We are back in pleasantville and it's an opportunity to discuss moving forward.

I know you don't really care to hear this so I won't give the details. It is my life. All the bare bones through.

Thanks for listening and being a shoulder...

Edited to add..................

I have set the bar very high for sharing my life in marriage and it is a credit to MB and to the contributors on this site. I will never again accept an abusive marriage and I will apply the MB concepts in my marriage of the future.

The bar is set extremely high for WH. You might all think I should kick him to the kerb and move on but I can tell you straight that working this out is going to make my life better than running and hiding forever. If you don't want to accept that, then don't read my thread. I'm sorry, but it hurts when you all say this isn't real. I am ok with 2x4's and critisim, but don't understand why it's ok to mock me.

I am living within my marriage vows and will so until I divorce. I pray and I educate myself on what to do and I will take it a day at a time. This is far from the perfect situation, but it's what I've got. I would rather this than a situation that a fellow poster is currently in.

I still love my WAH deep down. You might think that's strange, but I never stopped. I can still see the H underneath and the pressure of this situation is driving his anger, even though it's never ok. He wants to change so I'll continue to let go and let God. He wants to control his anger and see's now that violence and anger is a choice, not a given.

Signing off.

I don't see the bar being set high.

Sorry.

WHAT BAR???????????

IT
DOESN'T
EXIST
EXCEPT
AS
A
FIGMENT
OF
YOUR
IMAGINATION
!


I'm sorry, did that hurt?
Apparently you have a twisted realization of what SHOULD hurt in real life -VS- what will hurt you and your kids.

Makes me want to scream, so I did!

Same ole', same ole'. Just part of the DV cycle.

We are separated.

He lives with his father.

We have shared custody. He sees the kids on Tuesday's, Thursday's and Saturday's.

I have full-time care of them at home.

We do not have SF.

I don't know where I am compromising my "marriage".

We are SEPARATED.

IF we choose to be MARRIED again as husband and wife sharing a life and a bed, THEN I will enforce my standards for marriage.

You are seriously starting to sound like a WS.

"We don't live together so we're not married" :crosseyedcrazy:

2M2L --

With your current situation, here's what's going to happen if someone ELSE decides to pity your children and do the right thing.

Who is it that's "supposed" to report abuse? Doctors and schools?

Your kids will go into school and daddy will eventually hit them. He WILL because he knows hitting you has no consequences at all therefore why should hitting his children (who like you are his "property") have any consequences?

A concerned teacher will notice the bruises, report them, and you will have your children taken away from you because of this.

Is that what you want?

I know how hard this is, but if you listen to nothing else, listen to this:

You need to find local help to listen to you, give you advice, and share information with you. We can talk to you, but you need real live people to talk to and help you.

I so understand how it's easier to think that if you just keep the status quo, things won't be as bad.

The problem with that is that the longer you stay around him, the less connected you are to reality, what 'real' people accept in their lives.

That's why you need to do a better job searching for help near you.

Please don't let this be your legacy for your kids.

You are stronger than this!

Believe it or not, this helps.

I actually do kind of remember the feeling of relief and disbelief when I had my mini plan B breaks from WH.

I need more room from him to think.

I'll put a plan together. I don't feel it, but I know you are right.

Thank you.

I'm glad.

Try to think of it this way. If you had a daughter who was 20 years old and was living with - even married to - a guy who makes her feel as bad as your H makes you feel - the fear, the eggshells, the having to worry about upsetting him all the time, the wrapping everyone's lives around him so he won't get upset, the feeling that she must just be not good enough to deserve better...would you be ok with your daughter living with this man?

Of course not. You'd be moving heaven and earth to get her away from him so the rest of her life won't be ruined.

That's how people feel about you. But you have made it clear to them that you're 'choosing' your H, so they back off and don't try to talk sense into you. That's our job here at MB.

Just keep telling yourself that you wouldn't let your daughter or your best friend stay in such a situation, so why do you deserve any less?

2M2L,

I have not posted to you before, but I have followed your thread for some time now.

PLEASE listen to the advice you are getting here. What Cat gave you to think about is dead on. You could not possibly allow your children to suffer the same abuse.

NOW...I copied your signature line because your last statement says that your are embarking a new a plan.....

Please understand this in my opinion.....God will allow us all to make choices. He wants and desires us to listen to Him and follow the path He chooses. He does not want harm to come to any of us....
I guess what I'm saying to you is this....please make sure you KNOW if you have God on your side....pray up, seek God and know that He will protect you and your family......but YOU have to choose wisely......
You cannot HOPE things will be OK.....you have to take action..

If only 2M2L had an Ed Cole for a father, HE'D take care of this REAL quick.

That is what you need. Someone who will see through the BS you are being fed (and in turn spewing at us) and make sure he never speaks to you again.

Sc*#w the fact the "children won't have their daddy". They don't NEED a daddy like that.

They don't need a daddy that badly.

Just like you don't need to be married this badly.

Amen sister!

Ok, I am going to try one last time.

The point I am trying to make, bluntly, is that you dont have a M to save, or to work on. Period. This R you have is not M.
Married people do not just live in separate houses, free to carry on however they want. M is a real commitment. People who live together full time, and dont need time to find themselves.

You want to be loyal to your M. But you do not have one at this point. the only thing missing is the final D.
The only thing you have right now, is the ability to tell people you are "married". But this man is not acting like a H.



Ok, so this is the sort of thing that you are tolerating. If someone said this to me, I would go straight to the police. I would sit in their lobby until someone did something for me. Even if they wrote a report, and just filed it. I would get something done.

and then,





This is 100%, totally unacceptable. Don't give me that crap about how it is hearsay, etc. I would be on my way back to the police station, sitting in the lobby until someone would see me. I would show them a copy of the first report, and then I would show a print out of these threats. I would be horrified, embarrassed, and scared for the Ex BF who is now the target of my sicko H.

I suspect you may still be in contact with this Ex Bf, and that may be why you are not doing anything about this. Perhaps you think that your actions, speaking to this ex, are causing your H's anger, so you dont want to speak up. If so, GET OVER YOURSELF. Your Ex does not deserve to be threatened by your H, no matter what. You should be taking action. Why you? Because you are the common thread in all of this.

and then there is this little gem:


All of this stuff should be printed and brought to the attention of the police NOW while you still can. To show a pattern. They may not be able to do anything right now. But if they see you coming into the station 3, 4, 5 times, they will start to see a pattern and they will help you out.

The reason that so many people here are saying that this is made up, that you don't have good boundaries, and that you just "don't get it" is because you have a lame excuse for everything. You are not taking action. You just sit back and let that man treat you like a dog and you say "thats ok, we are separated"

one last thing:
How is this anger management group supposed to help him realize that it is not Ok for a man his age to have a relationship with a teenage girl?? What is he going to do about that? Anger management is not going to help him with at least half of his issues. So then what? He goes to the anger class for a couple of months and learns not to yell or scream when he is mad, but it is still ok to have a relationship with a teenager? Or will he need to attend a different group for that?

You need to stop saying "poor me, my H is so mean" and you need to get busy doing something about it.

Bump ... How are you 2M2L????

Bump...2M2L...update, are you still around...very concerned about you

Here I am!

This will be a quick reply.

I became quite disheartened with MB so decided to have a vacation from it for a while. Some of the other threads I was reading have also become deserted so maybe it's all part of the cycle.

Life is good. WH and I are still separated and he has signed up for 2 anger management courses, commencing May and June 09.

We don't do relationship talk and our interactions are about finances and children. It's DD's birthday this weekend so we have one more joint occasion to plan and be at together for this year.

Our wedding anniversary was always the next event and that's not till August and that's a lifetime away at present.

I bought Pink's new album Funhouse for my iPhone/iPod and love the authenticity of betrayal etc. I relate to the lyrics and love the music. Over the weekend I was touched to read in the paper that after finalising their divorce in Feb 2008, they are now reconciling. Yep - ebing authentic, wearing her heart on her sleeve and living a life she loved really seems to have worked for her. So, if you want awesome music with a kicker for being the BS, this is it!!!

Anyway, I am stronger and involved in a project to help men who want to change. Yes, I want to empower men to seek the help they need and am trying for government funding for a 365/24/7 service so they can call for help when they need it and to make it ok for them to ask for help.

The Marie Claire magazine launched a similar project this month and I am on that path. I know that many of you think I am supporting the wrong cause, but this is what I am passionate about and what I want to do.

I don't agree with how my WH treats me but I recognise his changes and the journey he is on.

My faith is strong, my passion is strong, I am strong. I am being powerful in all areas of my life and I am happy.

Thank you to all of you that assisted me on my journey. I am a better person because of you.

You "became disheartened" because we would not listen to your waaaa-ing about how mean your WH is and just have a pity party for you. You wanted pity, not help.

If you wanted help you would have called the police on your WS's @$$ already and not accept his excuses about why he is not improving himself...and talking about your magazines and your groups and everything but what an @$$hole your WH is.

How do I know? I have been the same way with violent people in my own life. I can spot the pattern.