Well, both my FWH and OW were to blame and I have mixed feelings about this. According to OWH, the OW had had three previous A's (at least the ones he knew about - how many more???)and admitted that she persued my H. According to my H, she took the lead in plenty of their activities. She organized the overnight visits, organized a "way to spend more time together" - ie have sex in the mornings before going to work. She also took the lead in their daily barrage of calls and texts and dropped several hints about moving in together. Do I wish that OWH had followed MB and done a nuclear exposure on her A's 1,2, or 3? You betcha. I don't think my H would ever had gotten involved with a known tramp. He thought she was a "nice person" when they had all those conversations and lunches at work and he was busy sliding into the A.


For my H, he took the bait, slid down the slippery slope into an A, was totally addicted (maybe not totally because he said he never could picture a long-term involvement or M with her), initiated the most syrupy exchange of letters with her, often called to speak with her when we were together, and generally ignored and/or was grumpy with our family.

Early on in my IC, the topic of lying came up and I was talking about how OW lies magnitudes more than my H. The counselors reply was, "How many lies does it take to make a liar"? So, I think they are both to blame, but I have chosen to stay with H and I don't have to do anything anymore with OW except try to make her irrelevent in our lives (and this is very difficult).

AM

OPs are guilty of the same sin. What makes one OP 'worse' than another could be subjective I suppose but I REALLY think OW is worse lol. A lot of others would probably agree with me if I listed all the stunts she pulled, but some may not. OW did things that even FWH thinks were WTF and he crings that he was stupid enough to ignore it so that his fantasy world could continue.

FWH was never going to run off with OW. He used her. That is sometimes difficult for me to digest...who wants to be married to a person that uses people? All APs use each other to some extent but I'm only married to one. For a short period of time I even felt sorry for OW...then she openned her mouth and I got to see firsthand what a delusional, vicious and evil person she was/is. Not trying to defend FWH, but she had him beat 50 times over. OWH even told me his WW was 1000 more [censored] up than my H ever could be.

So while a lie is a lie some evil is done with such malice that it does make a difference to me.

My husband was the same way. When I asked if he wanted to be with the OW he said, "I would never want to be with someone that would do that to their husband" and he immediately looked ashamed. I am working to forgive my husband because we have had many good years prior to the affair. I still love him with all my broken heart. But the OW, I would like to spend 10 minutes in a ring with the OW. I don't care that she is a mom or has a nice husband. I just want to punch her in the face as many times as I can. I really hate her. I am very new in my healing, so this may fade in time - maybe.

Time has faded that feeling for me. I still have moments of anger for OW but nothing close to how I felt early on. Just remember, [censored] splatters.