Yes we were SLIGHTLY making it. We had good credit - we would have gotten into a positive cash flow if we both stayed in the house and she went back to work. Everything we had was poured into the farm. POSOM did move to MD with WW. Another issue - WW still hasn't provided me with her new address. The custody order specifically spells out our requirements. So, another item for the contempt of court list...

Get me their info once you have it and I'll pass it on to my cop buddy. He'd be more than happy to help me out and track this guy down. He explained the whole process to me.

My other friend tried contacting the CS collection folks in either PA or DE, but nothing seems to have happened. She's been a little flaky lately, so I wonder about how hard she tried.

This friend of mine loves being a cop and chasing down scumbags. He'll be more than happy to help.

The reaction from your WW when the courts order her to return the kids after she has already dropped down a security deposit in MD will be priceless!!!

Hi all,

Talked with WW for about 30 minutes yesterday. She had a lot of foggy comments but her overall demeaner was W. It should also be noted she called me while driving home after dropping the kids off at school so OM was not whispering in her ear. The big topic was business about the kids.

- I asked if she wanted me to schedule a speech appointment for WW and DD for Tuesday's ( I did not say since you aren't working) I let WW say that.

- she asked me how work was going so I went into that

Some nuggets of info from her:
- she's tying to apply for assistance and food stamps (she'll apply for her and the kids but POSOM will take his share )

- she's getting some flak about the condition of some her horses that went through an auction -

- it was the buyer's fault and they were giving her a hard time not having her stuff out of the house.

What was different was she was venting and not ranting. It was hard not to unlease some DJ - what she was talking about was mostly her doing. She wanted someone to talk to so I listened. Afterwards, I talked to MIL ( she is ACHING to talk to the person who was her daughter prior to OM)I told MIL it sounded like WW needed someone to talk to so MIL was going to try and talk to her last night. Perhaps OM is starting to LoveBust on WW?

I take it that ruining her life does not count?

As you and everyone here knew. That the OM was going to fail providing for WW.

A glimmer of light. With those two stuck in that apartment. How long do you think it will take them to start taring into each other? As soon as things get tight and her share of the sale is gone (it will go fast with a lazy drunk there), there will be an awakening. She can delude herself for a while but At some point, you will no longer be the enemy. He will be. He is a POS. She won't have her horses. She won't have her kids. She won't have her family, She won't have her friends, she won't have a job. They will be stuck together. Eventually, I believe she will want to escape from him, and you will be that escape. The question is what are you going to do, when she tells you she doesn't want to drive all the way back to her apartment? And wants to stay with you. In fact, you may even want to invite her to dinner, (just for the sake of the kids, mind you). In fact, I think at this point she has to have something to stoke her anger against you. There will be a back lash if you get custody. Which I am sure you must.

Anything short of jail for the POSOM is alright. You don't want him incarcerated. He would just become a martyr to her.

I think you should consider your opening statement at the hearing should be a time line of the breakdown of your marriage by the posom. Don't blame her. Blame him in it, and explain the life she gave up because of him.

Start with your marriage and your history together. Tell him about all the wonderful qualities she has, before the POSOM came on the seen. How she was living her dream of having her horse ranch. How happy you were even cleaning the stalls. How you didn't care for horses, but you loved how happy she was working with them. Tell him what a great mother she WAS. Then say how much you love her. Then explain when the POSOM came on the seen. And how he poisoned her mind against you and her side of her family. Then lay out how under his influence you were forced off the ranch. Then from there, explain the toll of the affair on your WIFE not on you. Focus on what it cost her. From her ranch, to her family, and even her mental health. And then in the end, explain what her life is like now. How the POSOM, has isolated her from all of her family. That she is in an apartment, with no job, living on food stamps. Tell the judge how much you still love her. And would even take her back now. But that the influence of the POSOM is to strong on her. Tell him all you seek for her, all you have ever sought for her, is her happiness. Don't make her out to be the bad guy. Just that she doesn't have the resources to care of your children, especially with a felon living there. MAKE YOUR OPENING STATEMENT A LOVE LETTER. SHE WILL BE EXPECTING YOU TO BLAST HER. AND WHEN YOU TURN AROUND AND LOVE HER IN THE MIDST OF THE DIVORCE HEARING,YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH TWO THINGS. ONE. YOU WILL SHOW THE JUDGE YOUR MATURITY AND YOUR PRESENCE OF MIND AND, TWO. YOU WILL LEAVE HER (I HOPE) REALIZING THAT AFTER EVERYTHING SHE HAS DONE TO YOU, THROUGH HER BETRAYAL, THROUGH THE FINANCIAL RUIN. THROUGH THE BREAK-UP OF YOUR FAMILY. THAT YOU STILL LOVE HER DESPERATELY. I AM PRAYING THAT THIS WILL LEAVE HER IN A HEAP OF TEARS.

You may even want her family to come to the hearing. YOU COULD MAKE THIS AN INTERVENTION FOR HER. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!

Ouch,

I hurt for him too.

I think that following the advice of Jen is the best answer.

She can probably get the food stamps but as far as the "assistance" one of the things they ask is her marital status. They also want to know if dad is in the picture. Know why? Because if they give her assistance, then they go after "Dad" for reimbursement/child support,etc. That's going to backfire on her when they find out the true story.

Just remember that your WW is still deep in fog and will still act crazy...even if you see glimpses of the old wife.... for some time.

Just don't underestimate that POSOM influence... I feel until he has shot through permanently she will blindly... happily... ride off into the jaws of utter self destruction.

Don't expect too much. And be suspicious of nice while POSOM is in the picture

.

I know - just received a reminder last night. WW filed for Alimony. I have an appointment with my attorney to discuss the response. I don't have too many worries - she's cohabitating with POSOM plus the fact she had given him close to $5000 in monthly benefits (free rent, board for horses, food, alcohol, cigarettes)I'm not too worried about it.

Yep. Scrambling for money. Ugh

Hey PSU,
been reading your story pretty much from the beginning, and I must say, it is one of the most f-d up WW sagas I have read about here. I'm really sorry she's dragging you through this hell. I think her getting you tossed out of your own home on false abuse charges was the worst part-and yet it was just the beginning.

Let me ask you something-when this mess is all over, you're divorced, and her affair inevitably crumbles, suppose she tries to come back to you. After all she's put you through, would you take her back?

Let me put it this way, I would like the opportunity to make the decision. I'm on the reconcilliation roller coaster as well. When we have sane conversations, I want to be back with her. When she is acting like WW, no way. Either way, I am prepared to live life without her. I've been doing it for the last 7 months and have gotten along just fine thank you. What is so odd is she is like a light switch.

as you probably have noticed I am sort of pushy about saving a M... and as my DD says its probably because I was able with my DH to be able to save mine. I'd like others to have a great loving M and happiness once again. Especially the BS.
I didn't deserve it but my DH was willing to take a risk that I would hurt him again. Because that's exactly what he did ... took a risk.

HOWEVER... there's a calculated risk & planning to save a M and then there's blind unblinking hope... hope is not a plan.

I would urge you to spend some time in thinking about the boundaries and requirements you may want IF the situation of your 'wifes' return became a reality. A real plan and professional counselling maybe with the Harley's.

I feel with the damage and active attempts to twist the law and the system to get "you" and attempts to set you up that you may need some real time apart before allowing her entry into your home again.

I also think you had a very real & genuine concern for your safety when the OM was at the house & that threat was with your WW connivance as well. This act is something that I feel you will need to consider very carefully.

I feel there is a more than usual hard road ahead regardless of your final decision.

take care

AW

I swear, PSU, if any BS deserves to make a movie about their WS, it's you.

Your story seems so unbelievable...and yet it's real. You could make millions.

Wishing you luck...

Her behavior is so abhorrent it's unforgivable short of some massively dramatic change on her part. And even then it would be YEARS of acting like a compassionate and normal person to possibly make it even possible.

It's been 3 years for me and I've yet to see any redeeming qualities of my exww that makes me think, "Yep. I'd consider forgiving her."

My years of taking care of an overgrown child are over and I'm very grateful for that, especially after learning the joys of dating an emotionally mature woman.

Drama queens just aren't worth it.

Well, I did it. I went to A office and signed the affadavit to proceed without a hearing for the divorce decree. I decided just to get it over with and file. Her health insurance issue is not my problem - if she can pay for OM's food, booze, and cigs as well as his horses, she can pay COBRA on her health insurance. What she spends on him is more than her COBRA payments too.

Attorney was in court today - I talked to paralegal to do the filing. I did not want to do it. I signed it and asked her to hold on to it for a couple of days so I can talk to A. I left. Then, all of the junk she put me through rushed through my head and I went back and told the paralegal to file it with the courts today. I'm not sure how I feel. I still love her. But, a new marriage will need to be rebuilt with a lot of boundaries.

Psubiker,

Through this whole process you have been a compassionate and caring husband. You have reached out to her in every way to restore your marriage. She has betrayed you with the scum of the earth and lied about you to authorities, This may sound crazy but any single woman could read how you have acted here and be touched by what she reads. If they ever want your history. You could refer them to this thread and be proud. I still hope for your wife's Damascus road conversion. But if you don't reconcile. You will not be available any longer then you choose to be.