Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Okay, here goes, this is a long story.

My son is 27 now, and doing fine in college. He lives in Washington state.

When he was 15, he had his first girlfriend. She was 14 and her dad had just died. Her dad was active in church and was a youth group minister, sharing duties with another man. When her dad was dying, he asked the other pastor to look after his daughter and wife.

So, my son's girlfriend had lots of problems with grieving, etc.
The other pastor was very much in her life, and at first, it seemed like a godsend.

I won't go on and on, but it turned out that the other minister (38) was a sexual predator, and had sex with my son's girlfriend. And then she dumped my son. At the time (this was 12 years ago), I couldn't figure out what happened.

So the end is that my son's ex-girlfriend finally spoke the truth after 10 years. She is suing the Church and the pastor.

My son has been interviewed on the phone by the various attorneys. He was always close to both his girlfriend and the pastor. Now it turns out that the predator pastor's attorney wants my son to fly down to California to testify. And the main reason is that my son doesn't remember any details.

So I'm very stressed.

Anyone know if my son has to testify in court for the child molester?

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,903
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,903
It's my understanding he does not HAVE to attend unless he receives a summons or subpeona. They may try to take a deposition where he lives, but he is not required unless he receives a subpeona for that.

How common is this requirement in a civil case?

If I were him I would call the team back, refuse to go, and tell them he would not make a good witness because he does not have good thoughts toward the pastor right now...that might be enough to get the lawyers out of his face.


Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
 Originally Posted By: StillHereMakingIt
It's my understanding he does not HAVE to attend unless he receives a summons or subpeona. They may try to take a deposition where he lives, but he is not required unless he receives a subpeona for that.

How common is this requirement in a civil case?

If I were him I would call the team back, refuse to go, and tell them he would not make a good witness because he does not have good thoughts toward the pastor right now...that might be enough to get the lawyers out of his face.


Also, there is a jurisdiction issue as to how far the subpoena can reach. In Texas, it's 100 miles. If someone is outside of that range, they can't be subpoenaed or summoned.

The only way they could depose him where he lives is if he agrees or if they open a case in his jurisdiction solely for the purpose of getting a subpoena issued.

Last edited by princessmeggy; 03/13/09 03:40 PM. Reason: added depo info

Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 520
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 520
I'm sorry. I have no advice because I don't know the law.

But I have SUCH anger for that predator !!!!

I am so sorry for both the girl and your son.

Sexual molestation is like adultery in that it is the gift that jsut keeps on giving. It affects so many lives for so long. I could cry thinking about what your son went through when he was dumped and what that poor lonely girl went through.

I seem to know an inordinately large number of people who have been molested and I will tell you, I think it is the WORST thing that can happen to a child. THE WORST.

My prayers to all concerned, including you Believer.

You truly have a heart of gold.


WH2LE

BS(Me)-57
FWH-54
Married-5/26/2001(2nd for me, 1st for him)
DS-30
DD-27
D-Day-05/31/2007
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
The strangest thing is that is man had everything going for him. He is charming, nice looking, had a beautiful wife and two kids.

He just seemed like a wonderful man. Sure fooled me.

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
Here's a journal article on "out of state depositions". When I looked it up I presumed it was California you were concerned with so I'm not sure what the article says about Washington state.

Out of state deposition process

If they jump through all the necessary hoops, they CAN eventually depose him but they will have to go to Washington state to do it...unless he agrees voluntarily to come to California and answer questions.

Mr. Wondering


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 520
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 520
Yeah. That's part of the problem. Many people think that child molestors are all sleazy looking loners who can't hold down a job.

Unfortunately, they cross ALL economic and social lines, just like adulterers. Some are better liars than others is all. gag.

God forgive me ,but I HATE child molestors.

Blessings,


WH2LE

BS(Me)-57
FWH-54
Married-5/26/2001(2nd for me, 1st for him)
DS-30
DD-27
D-Day-05/31/2007
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Believer,

I am stressed at all the hassles in your life!


But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Thanks everyone! I'm feeling better about it. The attorney for the defendent was going to pay my son's way down to California during Spring Break. But it is all voluntary so far.

This has been going on for several years, and the pastor was in jail for almost the last year, but recently got out. My son's ex-girlfriend blew the whistle on him when she turned 20, and apparently other girls came forward too.

Imagine - Thanks for thinking about me. Life is stressful. But mine is a good life compared to most of the people in the world who have to get up every day facing hunger, war, tyranny and hopelessness.

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,583
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,583
 Originally Posted By: Wknghrd2LoveEasy
God forgive me ,but I HATE child molestors.



So does God...


Mark 9:42 (New International Version)

"And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.


God's judgement will be just.


Happily married to HerPapaBear



Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
The easy way to make this go away????


Tell your son that he could say:


"I don't remember many details about the time. But I would LOVE the chance to be on the stand for this sexual predator. Any opportunity to stand up for this beautiful woman and voice my opinion about what evil this man did to her would be great for me.

Where do I sign up? Because I think sexual predators are the lowest form of life on the planet, and every one of them should be in jail. In fact, they should legalize torture for sexual predators like your client. I'd be happy to accept your covering my airfare, hotel, restaurants, and everything else - for any chance to get my words on the record against him. Let me know when and where to show up.

Oh - you mean I would have to testify FOR him? That might not be a good idea. I really don't like sexual predators. I might say something you wouldn't like. Are you sure you want me on the stand? I would have to answer the other lawyer's questions HONESTLY, wouldn't I????"



That lawyer will NEVER send you a supboena.

SB


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
I was actually subpoenaed to be a witness for my best friend's now xh when they were in a messy divorce trial....I called his attorney and told him that he didn't want to put me on the stand because I had nothing complimentary to say about his client, that I knew how he had treated his wife, and I would not help his case. I was never called to the stand.

Could it be that they want him so that he will not testify for the prosecution? This could just be a trick to keep him from hurting their case. At any rate, wouldn't all he could bring to light fall under the category of 'hearsay' and, thus, not really be admissible?


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
3 members (living_well, 2 invisible), 22 guests, and 59 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Lethabo, Livn1dayAtaTime, widup, Reggg, Endlessvow
71,682 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,528
Posts2,322,563
Members71,682
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5