|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 7
Junior Member
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 7 |
Bottom line is I'm being manupulated to stay in an affair by the threat "I'll tell her everything" " I'll destroy you " There's a whole lot of detail that I could discuss and would like to with the right person...I'm at wits end... I don't sleep, I can't eat. My life is a ruin. My wife, my kids, will be the losers in the end and it kills me... I'm at such a loss. I agree to everything and anything to pacify this person.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Welcome to marriagebuilders. Glad you found us.
Well, the obvious answer is for YOU to tell your wife and end the affair.
Do you and your affair partner work together?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
I agree to everything and anything to pacify this person. Then stop being stupid. Confess to your W and tell the OW to get lost. Whether your BW decides to give you another chance is up to her but you brought this on yourself. Grow a pair.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 7
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 7 |
its complicated but if i tell my wife the marriage is ended. I do not work with this person and it is a long distance affair
Everytime I start pulling away I get this your using me story. the mood changes hourly, daily. Its a bipolar personality to the max.
Last edited by juststupid; 03/15/09 10:21 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Bottom line is I'm being manupulated to stay in an affair by the threat "I'll tell her everything" " I'll destroy you " There's a whole lot of detail that I could discuss and would like to with the right person...I'm at wits end... I don't sleep, I can't eat. My life is a ruin. My wife, my kids, will be the losers in the end and it kills me... I'm at such a loss. I agree to everything and anything to pacify this person. Tell your wife and children the truth and tell the OP to hit the road. Real simple. Yes, your wife and kids have lost, but more lies will not change that. Honesty is the solution to infidelity, not more lies.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,128
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,128 |
You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
its complicated but if i tell my wife the marriage is ended. So you are keeping your wife in a marriage based on a lie for your own selfish purposes? You KNOW she would want out and you are TRICKING HER into staying with you by LYING TO HER? You are DANGEROUS and MANIPULATIVE AND SELFISH to her. She has a RIGHT to know the truth about her own life and it is cruel and manipulative to trick her like this.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 639
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 639 |
its complicated but if i tell my wife the marriage is ended. I do not work with this person and it is a long distance affair
Everytime I start pulling away I get this your using me story. the mood changes hourly, daily. Its a bipolar personality to the max. JustStupid (the name says it all), This is tough love, buddy, but you need to MAN UP. End the affair--it is going to end anyway and you obviously know this OW is a nut-job already. Tell your wife--if she ends the marriage, as is her complete moral right to do so at this point, then you can learn some valueable lessons and rebuild your life in a new and healthy direction. If she is willing to consider reconciliation (as we hope), then the ONLY WAY to effect that is via HONESTY, OPENNESS, REMORSE, REPENTANCE, HUMILITY, and PERPETUAL NO-CONTACT with your affair-partner. Stop screwing your wife and kids around by hiding your misdeeds and be a man. The only thing worse then a cheater is a weasel-ly cheater who CYA's his/her life away... Good luck and keep us posted.
xWW:
Secret LTA w/ thrice married OM at her workplace; EA/PA starts ~ 2005-6
Files & completes D - 2007, OM/OMW#3 D - 2007, Affairage - immediately thereafter
Disappears in 2006 w/o even a goodbye to anyone, Never a paragraph of real truth ever spoken
Me/xBH:
M "for life", Suspicions (denied) & desperate Plan A latter-half '06
1st D-day 1/07, full truth D-day 7/08 (all via 3rd parties)
NC w/ xWW 8/08-date, better off w/o unrepentant vileness, betrayal, & rampant deceit in my life anymore
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 7
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 7 |
I get absolutly nothing out of the affair. Originally it was because for my selfishness but I'd say for the past year its been nothing but pain and heartache.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 7
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 7 |
I know you say to grow a pair...its just not that easy... I just love them so and this will destroy them...I just can't do it... I think about this every day, every minute of my life...I just can't do it.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I get absolutly nothing out of the affair. Originally it was because for my selfishness but I'd say for the past year its been nothing but pain and heartache. Tell your WIFE.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,128
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,128 |
Right now you feel backed into a corner.
later, when you look back on this, you will understand how many more options you had available to you.
Is your fear that you will lose the M? If you hide this secret, that is inevitable.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Are you related to Shule?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I know you say to grow a pair...its just not that easy... I just love them so and this will destroy them...I just can't do it... I think about this every day, every minute of my life...I just can't do it. No you don't love them. That is a lie. You only want to save your [censored]. If you loved them you would not be manipulating and lying to trick your wife into staying with you. Lying and cheating IS NOT LOVE.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 7
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 7 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Nevermind. Tonight there are too many things that make me go 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Scrape up some money and make one call to the Harleys. They will advise you on what to do.
The only reason I can think of that your marriage would be over for certain is if you have been involved in an affair before.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 7
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 7 |
Right now you feel backed into a corner.
later, when you look back on this, you will understand how many more options you had available to you.
Is your fear that you will lose the M? If you hide this secret, that is inevitable. yes I feel like its a four sided corner with no ladder, no door, nothing...and the walls are getting blacker and closer... I am so scared and have no doubt I will lose the M and my kids will turn.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 248
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 248 |
Bottom line is I'm being manupulated to stay in an affair by the threat "I'll tell her everything" " I'll destroy you " There's a whole lot of detail that I could discuss and would like to with the right person...I'm at wits end... I don't sleep, I can't eat. My life is a ruin. My wife, my kids, will be the losers in the end and it kills me... I'm at such a loss. I agree to everything and anything to pacify this person. Tell your wife now and tell her everything. She deserves to know the truth because at this point truth is all you have left to offer her. I had to find out on my own. Believe me, I would rather he have manned up. At least then it would have been believable that he wanted to end the affair. BTW, he thought I would leave him and his children would turn against him. I chose to spare the children the pain, and FWH and I are progressing in recovery. TELL HER NOW AND TELL HER EVERYTHING!
D-Day EA 11/29/08
D-Day PA 12/12/08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,128
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,128 |
I am so scared and have no doubt I will lose the M and my kids will turn. If your W finds out from you, it will be far easier on her than if she finds out from OW. Sooner or later your W is going to find out. It will go much easier on you if it comes from you. If you think maybe this will all go away, guess again. You can't erase this.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
160
guests, and
42
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,493
Members71,967
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
