I wanted to be done...I wanted not to care...but I do. My H is selfish..wanting her over me. He does not care that I am hurt, he only says I need counselling which by the way I am in.

He feels that he is justified in leaving me since he only ever loved me as a friend. She is his everything. I am in Plan B..I tried Plan A and there was no chnage on his part. I only found out on Feb 11 about the OW...I am so hurt, and feel that it is over. He does not want anything to do with me. He says he cares, but not the way he loves the OW. His daughter is getting married in June and of course I was supposed to go, but now I am not. It all hurts so much. He slept with her for the first time Dec 12 and had been odd until Jan 1st when he told me that he needs 'space'. I am not sure if he would have told me about the A if the OW husband had not found the emails. So he told me and since then I have tried all I could to bring him back. I am lot and confused.

Should I give up? I am being told to just walk away..do I do this? I have been told by my Counselor that my H seems to have ADHD..that if he does not seek assistance, then I should count my blessings since the man does not seem capable of love. I believe that to be true. He is distant emotionally, but I do also believe down deep there is a man who is confused and not sure about what he is doing. He told me just last Monday that he made a mistake..he told me the same night that he was confused. But now he knows for sure that she is the one for him.

I have to move on..but I can't stop the pain..I don't know why I hold on like this wanting so badly for him to come back. I am keeping busy, but it just doesn't stop the pain of my broken heart. I am devastated that they will be moving in together and they spend all their time in their fog land together.

Is it too late for my marriage? Do I give up? I don't know what to do. The OW H will not take her back..he is done with her..why can't I be like that?

I am so sorry that you are here. I know that your pain is unbelievable as I found out about my husbands affair 2/2/09. How long have you been married? Any kids together? This info helps. There are a lot of veterans here that can help you. Don't give up yet. You will get some good advice.

Have you exposed the affair? This is critical. How did he meet the OW? Is it a work affair? Exposure is a must. It is not fun and it will make him mad but it is essential. Do his kids know? Can you talk you husband in to staying in the house for a little longer? It is soon to be in a plan B. You need more plan A time if at all possible. You will have a much better chance if you can keep him in the house.

We've been married for 4 years and together for almost 7 years. I exposed the A right away..EVERYONE knows..but it seems that he doesn't care.
I am the one that has other threads mentioning that I moved out of our house on Jan 16..he needed space he said to figure himself out..not wanting to turn 50 this year etc. When he let me know on New Years Eve that he wanted time to himself and to separate for a while to figure out what he wanted out of life, I agreed because he had been a bit odd lately not knowing there was AW. Anyway, I stayed in the house until Jan 16 but it was emotionally draining living there. We slept in the same bed..he held me every night..cried with me..I could not figure out what was wrong. I NEVER thought that AW would come into the picture but she was there all along. He had been meeting her in hotels etc.
So..I have been out on my own since then and only finding out about her last month. I have tried to reason with him...but it is falling on deaf ears. I have tried being nice..then I finally got angry..saw them on Friday night in the foyer of my house necking..she was leaving..she left her H of 26 yrs and 3 kids for my H...
I got angry..got out of my car and went in and acted like some lunatic...I slapped him hard across the face after yelling at him and her and stormed out...I think I ruined everything now...
I am so alone and so afraid that this is the end..maybe it IS for the best, but it sure does not feel like it.

Do you have a legal seperation? Can you move back into your house? I know it will be difficult but it is your house. You need to get back in your house with your husband. They all say and do stupid stuff when the affair is active and the OW is poisoning their minds.

Why did WH divorce his first wife?

Since you no longer share a home nor have children together, WH has less 'incentive' to try and reconcile. Don't let this man continue to hurt you. If you are headed towards D, be dark. The A will likely implode on it's own at some point. By then you may not want WH back.

Adultery takes a horrendous toll on a BS. Work on your own healing. You do not have to file for D, but you should at least consult an attorney to look into your legal rights.

You are soooo right..I can't go on hurting. My H left his first wife because after 21 yrs he told me they grew apart..shared nothing in common and had different aspirations for the future. What the truth is? I don't know..I just know that we shared EVERYTHING in common, I thought this was forever.
I found out that my H told the OW that our marriage was in terrible condition..he lied to her because he wanted so badly to have a chance to be once again reunited with his old girlfriend...I have to try to get on with it..but the nice weather is here and I miss my H..we always cycled together..went for long walks hand in hand..I am still crying right now..
I want all of this to stop!
I know he has no incentive to be with me..none...so here I am pining for a lying, cheating man..I AM SUCH AN IDIOT