Is it wrong to have a friend that is single? We dont hang out often. When we do, its just drinking a few beers at my house. We dont go out to bars, stores, nothing where she would think im doing bad. She says if he is not married then i shouldnt be friends with him. Im in the army, and in this job soldiers have to be close like family to work as a team. I understand that she wants a female friend to talk with also, but none of the people I closely work with is married. I have offered for her to go to meeting with the other wifes in my unit to make friends, but she refuses.

Is it wrong for me having a friend that is single?

I don't think a same-sex friend who is single is an issue. I don't even think opposite sex friends are an issue, but a different set of rules for social engagement should be in place. For instance, going out with a single same-sex friend without your spouse ONCE in a while should be ok. Going out with an opposite sex friend without your spouse should happen never.

Hmm...the 'edit' button isn't working. I was going to add that opposite sex friends who are of a different sexual persuasion should be treated like same-sex friends. I have 2 close male friends who are gay and H never has had a problem with me going out for coffee, lunch, brunch, etc. with them.

I don't think your friend's single-ness is completely the issue. As the material on this site suggests, independent behavior can be a love buster. As well, it could be that she doesn't like this friend and is afraid that his behavior will rub off on you. Perhaps she has a hard time telling you this, so it's just easier to draw the line at your friend's marital status.

Although for me, I found that once I became married, I had little in common with many of the single friends I had. Is your wife trying to tell you something that has little to do with this friend?

Anyway, I think you need to find out more about her reasons for this...communicate on it to better understand where she is coming from.

And OH, I disagree on homosexual friends. They are just as capable of meeting most ENs as straight friends, and can therefore be a threat to the marriage if you're not careful. It's not as dangerous as opposite sex friends, IMO, but not the same as same sex friends either.

So I just wanted to give you my two cents on this..

As the wife of someone whose friends ARE mainly single, I understand where she could be coming from. It's frustrating when my husband always wants to hang out with them, whether it is just him going out or both of us. My H's BIL is newly single, and I feel like it's a constant "Let's go out and pick up some chicks" with him.. So it could be a slight insecurity there.

That, and single people, especially those without children, tend not to understand keeping your wife and family informed about what they are doing. My H's brother always makes fun of him for "checking in" or "getting permission" when my H calls me to tell me what they are doing or where they are going. I don't see it as either of those, but single people don't really understand the difference unless they've been there. And his friends tend to make fun of him for these things, that then turns to him not keeping me informed, and fights..

Just my .02 on things..

Our posted some good parameters for having single friends. I also understand your W's concern. My FWH went to the gym and made friends with some single, mostly divorced people. Hanging out with them influenced him to start straying from our M and family. All this led to his EA. When you're with your single friend do you discuss your wife, conflicts with M. If the answer is yes you need to be more respectful of your M and your W and stay away from those conversations with you friend.

GG