Hi ya'll
Never wanted to find myself at this point. Hoped and prayed I wouldn't. Maybe even lied to myself. Okay not maybe. I've lied to myself.

This is my WW second A. I nearly lost it last time. See/feel the same emotions this time 4 years later.

I can't stomach the lies. Kicked her out this week (Monday). That was hard. I've been a single parent for years. She just takes advantage of the situation for herself.

I'm almost to the point of not turning back. Coping is hard right now. I'm in a pretty good depression over the whole thing.

I've not contacted a lawyer yet. That's my next step. I'm torn. Part of me loves her still. But another part...I can't go through this again. I can't put myself through it again. Can't trust it won't happen again.

I guess my question, how do you get your arms around what you must do, when you don't want to it. When it hurts to think about? How do you know you are doing the right thing? How do you cope with all that and keep smiling for your children?

It's a tough row to hoe...

DD, my own personal rule has always been "once bitten, twice shy" and if my H did it again, I would call the marriage quits. But then again, I always said to myself when I was single that I'd never stand for my spouse cheating on me and here I am...

I don't have any advice for you but I wanted to post that you are among friends and people who really do feel your pain. It's ok that you still love her and as far as contacting the lawyer--just go at your own pace. Will your state recognize formal separation? I know you have kids, so perhaps that's a good middle ground to be at right now? It would protect your rights for custody and allow you to set the visitation. I have read on these boards of other people who did file first for D--if only to be able to control the speed of the process. So you might want to give that some thought?

I do think you should be thinking in terms of what's best for your kids, and let that guide you.

The best thing I can say is to work on some future issues. Think forward. Make plans to do things with your kids. Shake up your lives. Plan some day trips, so you can all focus on happy memories. Find some museums you've never been to. Go on a picnic. Find a place that rents horses.

Hi, DaltonDad.

I think you keep smiling for the children when you feel like smiling. Sometimes you're going to be too sad to smile, and that's okay. Just don't bad mouth their mother.

As for wrapping your arms around what you need to do when you don't even want to think about it.... Break it down into bite-sized pieces. Think about when you can. Don't think about it when you can't. Be kind to yourself and don't expect perfection. It's good to have a sounding board for emotions and for situations that come up. Also, pick a lawyer you can rely upon. That can ease a big part of your burden. Finally, realize that the divorce may not be done in 4 months or even a year. It takes time. This is actually a good thing. It gives you some time to adjust. In my new situation, I keep wanting it to be all better NOW. But, then, I think back to when I left my ex, and I realize that it took about a year before I was functioning on all cylinders.

DaltonDad,

I first came to MB in December of 04. I knew back then I was done, she has had two A's, I just found out about the second, so many lie's I could not keep up, yet it's 2009 and I just got the nerve to do what I need to do. It has taken me 5 years to wrap my head around it and I still have feelings for my WW that I still can't deal with.

I always thought I didn't want to do it, I still don't want to do it, yet I have no choice.

If I want some stability for my children and myself it's all I have left to do.

To be honest, I still love my WW, I still have feelings that I don't understand for her, however I also have this.

NO TRUST IN HER AT ALL. She has spoken so many lies, and not just to me, my kids as well.

I am doing what I need to do, as you will as well, it takes time to understand it all and to see with a clear mind.

It's easy to get pulled back in, or I found it was.

this is the hardest thing I have done, yet it is finaly the right thing for me and my kids.

Best of luck.

I think deep down inside we know what to do, it's just facing it and doing it...procrastinating it never helps, it only gets worse.
I "forgave" my H's 1st A and then he had another one and I knew, I knew, I knew what I had to do...and just did it. Yes it felt like it killed me, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, yet it wasn't as hard as his continual lies and letdowns, in a way it felt like a relief. My heart was broken and I'm still trying to heal from it but once I took action, I had the D over with in two months. Of course if I'd have left the first time it would have cost me a lot less, but at least I have the satisfaction of knowing I tried my best and I can sleep at night. You WILL be okay, I can tell you that. Get started...go on line and find some divorce attorneys in your area and start dialing...