Im sure this will be way lengthy but Ive notice quite a few are

My EX and I got married after a year of dating at 21/19 respectively. We got pregnant about a year later, and our daughter was born when we were 23/21. I had PPD and our communication completely broke down. I told him I wanted to separate and try to rebuild, but instead he kicked me out of our house. He never responded to my calls or txt, sent all communications about our DD through my mom, and starting seeing someone else a few months later. When I discovered this, I also started seeing someone else. He served me with divorce papers about 9 months after he kicked me out. We never talked, but our mutual friends did relay updates back and forth. After the divorce, I made a BIG mistake and married my OM nearly immediatly. Recently, things with him broke down, but I am pregnant with his child. We are splitting for several reasons including him wanting me to choose between my EX's child and his, which I WILL NOT DO - my kids come first.
When my EX heard of the split, he contacted me (for the first time in over a year) and asked how I was doing, being pregnant and alone. I told him fine, and he asked to hangout, with our DD (now 2). I spoke with several of my friends before agreeing (some were for it, for DD's sake, others were against it). We spent several hours out with DD, and then I went to a weekly gathering with my friends. Afterwards, I asked to come back in to his place, and we spent some one-on-one time together, talking about what went wrong. He told me his OW, who is still living with him, and he had broken up (again) about 2 weeks earlier. He is also fed up with her not caring about our DD.
This was about a month ago, and since that night, we have hung out with DD about twice a week.

He wants us to try to get back together. I'm afraid but our talks make me feel like if we had had them before our divorce maybe we could have worked things out. Or maybe we needed to mature first. We are now 26/23 and we are communicating so much better than we did even when we first got together.

We went out with my sister (just us 3, DD was with her grandmother) and my sister commented that he was flirting with me even more than when we first got together.

We have had a few tearful nights, but everything has been constructive and positive. He wants us to take a long weekend and step away from everything and see if we can reconnect and if it is possible to be together again. I suggested tonight via txt that we do the worksheets on here, and read through these books, or at least start to, if we do take a weekend together. He is in bed, as he has to be at work early tomorrow, so I don't have his response.

He has said that if it does work he wants to take things a lot slower this time, and he doesn't want to even move in together until we are at the point of "we have to make this work" and not "lets try to make this work" like we are now. He wants at least twice as much time in each stage of our relationship as the first time. We started staying over at each other house almost immediately, we moved in together after about 6 months, and got married just before a year into our relationship. I told him I wanted to wait until we were ready to get married again before we moved in with each other.

I have many concerns:
- how this will affect our DD (with either outcome), and how to give her time with the two of us together if it doesnt, because we want to be able to co-parent effectively.
- how this will affect my un-born child (who's father says he wants to be involved in its life, but will not be able to be overly involved due to his work) (and my EX says he thinks that loving this child will not be an issue, he is a great dad to DD)
- how we can over-come the problems (which I think we have mostly identified) of our failed marriage.
- how our friends and families will react (my dad loves him, still hangs out with him, and asked me not to long ago why we couldnt get back together. I am pretty sure his parents hate me)
- how I can help him deal with my depression and anxiety problems (we have identified this issue, but not discussed overcoming it yet). I am on anti-depressants.
- how do I know when we have reached the point of "we have to make this work"
- how do I know that he really wants to be with me and isnt just lonely since he and his OW broke things off. And how do I overcome him kicking me out but giving her time to get out?? He has told her she needs to get out by the first. (we have also talked about this, but not overcome it yet)
- what order do we need to work on things in? Guidelines for someone in my situation? I have read most of the website, and I'm going to get the books, but until I get them?
- do I need to give us both more time between our previous relationships?
- do we let others know we are trying or do we keep it hidden?
- should we avoid sex? Or allow it to happen as it happens naturally? How important is that level of intimacy? We did have some sexual issues (also talked about but not resolved really) concerning frequency and desire.

We are being open and honest with each other, and we are working on re-building trust and such.

What should I do? What articles or books may help? Any personal experiences that are similar?

I do not have any personal experiences in this area but I will recommend His Needs Her Needs by Williad Harley. This is a great book and I would say it saved my marriage. Do the exercises and really listen to what each example shows you. It helped us a lot and I am sure it will help you. Another thing that I have found that works is, if there is something you and your EX can't talk about, try writing it down in a tablet and letting the other read it. This takes the stress off of a face to face talk but gets everything out there so that at one point you can discuss it. I think it is great that the two of you are trying to figure this out. I think your child will be fine in the long run because he wants to be there for her regardless. I also think the two of you should discuss the sex issue but not let it complicate things. I know that is a little vague but you two will figure it out more as you talk about these issues. The depression and anxiety will always be there. He needs to decide if he can deal with it with you. If he can be there and be supportive of that I think you two will be fine. Who cares what other people think. This is your relationship not theirs. If they don't like you tell them where they can get off. If he wants to take it as slow as he says he does and if he wants to work out the issues and go about this as maturely as he says he does, then he wants to be with you. If he didn't he wouldn't be wasting his time. Just take it slow this time. Keep up the open and honest communication. This is key. Also along with communication, make sure each of you understand what the other is trying to communicate. Listening and hearing are two totally different things. Good LUCK!!

I will be sure to get that book.

He is all for my suggestion, and he said today that we can do this if we want it bad enough.

9 more days until his OW moves out. I am looking forward to it for many reasons.

Should we follow Plan A stuff, seeing as how there is a child involved and all, and my EXDH says he has no problem with the father being involved. He wants to be around whenever they see each other, at least at first, and I'm perfectly ok with that.

I wrote him an email last night and he said he will read it and reply tonight when he gets home. I just wrote about my worries and things I felt we needed to talk about.

I don't think a Plan A thing would be necessary because you did not cheat on him and you two are breaking up and I am sure you won't go back to him and the same for his OW.

I think you two will be fine. As long as you use open and honest communication you may be hearing wedding bells.

There is not a lot of activity on this part of the discussion boards. You might wish to post your thread on either the Emotional Needs board or the General Questions II board.....If you contact a moderator, they can move it to either location.

I think you need more input and I am sure that there are more people with recovery experience who can help you.