I understand your feelings are all over the place. I'm no expert either but you only telling OMW what YOU want her to know is plain wrong. I thought you had been here for months. :crosseyedcrazy: Stop being a doormat.

Ark,

I am a FWW and I feel compelled to respond to you on this subject. I am about 7 months past d-day and this is what my BH did. He offered me these choices: That I could quit my job, pack up my house and move from my hometown of 43 years, leave my family and daughter and everything else that I have ever known and move to another state which I have always despised OR he would move me into an apartment there in my hometown and D me. So, I complied with his requests. Have I been happy? No--in fact I've been pretty miserable with all the changes BUT it assured no contact with OM. Am I still going through withdrawal? Yes--somewhat. It is getting better but I am still feeling the effects. Am I still foggy? I may run into a little patch here or there but it's much easier to get back to reality--it takes many months of sorting out but I know that it will come for me--a clear forecase without the fog. This forum and some friends have helped me a great deal but you have to take the advice to heart.
Your WW is still foggy and can not start the withdrawal process until no contact is in place. You live in a small town? So did I. Thus, moving to another state. BUT you do need to have a conversation with OMW--she can be your ally here. What are you afraid of? Doesn't she have the right to know all that you know? Doesn't she have the right to know the things that are effecting her life? What are you afraid of in telling/talking to her? You're afraid your WW is going to get pissed? Sure she will but when I get angry over something that I have to do now because of the A, I just remember that it is a consequence of the A and it is my fault that I am in this position to begin with.
You need to expose to OMW--it's the right thing to do.

Call the OM's wife, tell her everything you know, and compare notes.

Do this today!

Is he a fireman in your town?

Sorry didnt mean skirt around your question but let me see if I can explain this better...

When my wife admitted on the d-day....I had no idea what fog and withdrawl meant until I came to this website (the very next day after d-day).

She knew, while being in the A that is was the wrong thing to do but carried on anyway. After the NC, we started talking about the A. I was devasted. The more we talked about the A, the more I was stunned. She started to SEE how much she had hurt me. She had NO idea until then. Nor did I until the details of the deceit came out. She then started to go through withdrawl and come out the fog at the same time. She felt extreme remorse at what she had done. She felt very guilty that she had feelings for OM while she continued to see me hurt.

After about 4 months, we pretty much stopped talking about the affair. Her IC helped her realize and admit that the A was all about her. It was her decision. She admitted she could not believe what she did. She was truely coming out of the fog. So after NC, it took her about 2 to 4 months to her to get de-fogged.

As far her withdrawl, she still thinks about OM....May be not as much. But still a long way to go. I suspect another few more months.