I have not posted here in a about 2.5 months. I stopped posting when my wife found my profile and read what i had wrote.

In early January I decided i could not take the pain of having absolutely no control in my life. I decided that I needed to ask WW to move out officially. Since that day I have felt WAY better. I asked her to move out by the end of January. She was not staying here at all since early Nov anyways, but i could not deal with living amongst all her stuff. She ended up moving her stuff out in early Feb (although I had moved most of her crap into another room and shut the door).

I never did the whole exposure thing even though that is what everyone said to do.

Since asking her to move out I have told everyone as it made sense. I did not go out of my way, i was honest and just told people what was going on.

I am not mad about things like i was before in late 2008. I just have been staying busy and doing what i can to have fun, and it is working.

We never went to see anyone/get any help. She did not want to; i did not force her.

We have been chatting over the web and been cordial. But we have not talked about anything regarding next steps.

I do not know where she lives specifically; just know she has her own place. I assume she is still seeing OM, but i have no idea. Around xmas i stopped snooping - all that did was make me crazy and i knew the lies so why continue, especially since she never committed to stopping anything.

I don't think i want to be with her anymore, but i am not positive. I dont know if she does not want to be with me anymore, she has never said - was always vague.

Should i file, how long should i wait?

I feel in this Limbo state- we never really had a talk. She seems like she is still not ready.

Wow that is a tough question. Someone once told me that you will know when the time is right. I'm sorry I can't be of much help the only thing that I can say is that you have to be ready. I am not divorvced yet but my wife and I have been separated for a little over 3 months she has not moved forward with the divorce but she has not moved in a direction to reconcile so I feel the pain of being in limbo. I guess the real question is are you ready to move in that direction?

You have not done what had to be done and appear to still not do what has to be done. That said you do not have to file. Being you refused to do a plan A, expose, the only thing you have left is to do a plan B and wait out your WW. Stop all contact and have her conact your intermediary. The IM does not give you her messages word for word but just tells you what she say's. If you need to respond you use the IM to tell WW.

WW is just stringing you along to be a back for the OM, and if she files then she has to pay for the divorce.

How do you know its time? I have done Dr. Harley's program and have been seeing a therapist who uses the program in marriage counseling. My husband isnt interested in either. He did some of the program when we seperated for 3 months after he left our family for another woman. He came back home and seemed sincere about wanting to work things out. This has been 1 1/2 ago and things arent getting in better. He is an alcoholic but is in denial. I love him very much, but it is like we arent even there. He does his own thing and drinks. He has no interest in us at all. I still think he has moments when he talks to the other woman and sees her. My children are older, one is about to start her own family. I dont know why I am still here. I feel no love, just that he is here out of guilt.

Signed,
confused!

Do you want a divorce? If yes, file. If no, don't. Either way, protect your finances. You may even want to look at your legal system in case there is something advantageous to you if you act one way or another.

FWIW, I never filed and likely never will. But it doesn't matter. Where I live, the separation agreement has all the details and the power. A divorce is just a certificate you need in order to remarry, which I don't plan on doing so I don't need it.

Thanks for the replies all.

Regardless of what happens I do want to be married and I do want to have kids. So if it is not going to work out I do want to D and move on with my life and start to rebuild.

We basically have been apart for 6 months now. I have seen her two times briefly in the last 3.5 months. I have talked to her on the phone 0 times in that timeframe. But we have talked over chat and texts.

I dont know if i want to be with her anymore. We did have problems and grew apart and had lots of differences before she went to the dark side.

It has been nice to be apart and doing my own thing, i felt a million times better after i asked her to move out. But I do have my ups and downs about everything, and down now.

I no longer believe in the "what has to be done theory". What has to be done in my mind is she needs to decide that she wants to try and work things out and when she does she has to come to me and then we can talk (I am 60/40 no to yes that i would give any effort). I am pretty sure she knows that i am indifferent about it. So to say she has me wrapped around her finger is extremely far from the truth.

Alot of people know what happened. I dont talk crap about it i just say that is what happened and ask for their support.

IIWY, I'd divorce her and find someone to have kids with who is less likely to cheat on you in the future. JMHO.

Please start your own post with what you just said in General Questions so you can get a good response to you. It's too confusing to go back and forth in between two different situations in the same thread. I'd like to address what you said but don't feel I should here.
Thanks and good luck!

I think you need to figure out what, best case scenario, you'd like to have happen before you can know what steps to take. It's a little backwards now, but not necessarily too late...do you want to save your marriage? If so, read up on Plan A and try to implement it. It's harder with less contact but it has been done. Do you have children/visitation? If she does not respond to Plan A and only wants to use you, keep you for a back up plan, then move to Plan B...if and when you decide
you do not want her back no matter what, then you move to Plan D.