I dont suppose there is a homeschooling thread? I am seriously doubting the abilities of public schooling right now

Soooooo, here's some updates. I have postponed the sale date on the house until May 6th Thank God. We have accepted a bid for the short sale and go and sign the escrow papers tomorrow. I am a glad in some ways because we bought this lovely home at the high times and have lost over 200K on our property so I guess in the long run it may be an ok thing and I try to tell myself a house cannot love you back. Have been looking for a place to rent thats going to be good for the kids and I.

So here's the rest that you all probably have been waiting to hear. Whats goin on? Well I have truly been questioning a lot of the things that I have been doing and really felt that I was supposed to talk to my H again, this started initially back in February when H had told me of his plans to come home.

Now I realize this may not be the actual plan as is the way it was meant but I like what a dear friend said to me. She said I don't care about PA, PB or Divorce Remedy or what ever it is. You find T2L's plan and thats what you do. It really was an eye opener for me as sometimes you feel so much weight to continue in the Plan you are in and you literally cannot deviate from this even if you feel in your heart of hearts that you are supposed to. I guess I am posting not just for myself but for possibly anyone else who may one day possibly be in my same shoes. I have made the choice to go back into Plan A. Whoa Nelly settle downs luvs I can hear your screaming and rantings here in Cali...

At the onset of my 1st PA I did 10 weeks. I now think and wish I had gone a bit further. Yes at the time I PB'd I was broken, and part of it was I allowed expectation to enter in. I also feel that part of the reason I went into PB was I did not want my H to enjoy Thanksgiving and the Holidays and our anniversary in Plan A. I now think some of that could have been my own pride but that's neither here nor there. So far my 2nd PA has been going well. H is calling every night at 8:15 to talk with the kids. He is visiting 3 times a week with the family.

I have found out, by my super sleuth abilities(that I cannot share with you now) that my H did indeed try and break it off with Mrs. Sea Hagginess and come home! I know that he tried to tell her it was the right thing to do and that his son needed him. She of course told him all kinds of LB's and now i have proof that this ho bag does talk crap out me and she is very manipulative in a very back door way and she knows every perfect thing to say to my H.

Anyways I know you are all probably besides yourself right now and hey that's completely understandable. It took me about 3 weeks to decide to go back into it. I am talking offline to several other MB'ers who have helped me make this decision-thanks guys. I appreciate your support and ear and understanding. No it probably does not make sense but then I have to follow my heart. I will know when i can no longer do this. I know most of you know my faith in God and all i can say i know when the grace leaves then it will be time for Plan B or maybe even D. I am not opposed to Plan D, I just have not reached that yet.

Do I recommend anyone else to go back into a Plan A after being in a B? For the most Part NO. Its a bit of a challenge shifting gears but also remember the kids and i have probably Plan B;d my H about 6 months out of the last 11 as we did not find MB until Oct 2008. Anyways my suggestion go for as long as you can in Plan A. DO NOT rush your Plan B. I think in some ways I rushed it, had pride about him being around the holidays and may have really been able to do a longer PA.

So if your thinking about doing a PB, IMHO, stay in your PA a bit longer if you feel you can. No its not something that everyone can do because of the PTSD factor but if you are like me and you may be a bit stronger and able to handle a lil heavier load then go for it extend your PA. I know that Dr. Harley expresses his time frame for PA and 1 1/2 -3 months and here's my thoughts on that. I think for some this is an ideal time frame especially if emotionally you are just not doing well or if you are a person who doesn't know your own limits. I also think there are many of us BS's who may be able to go longer and I think this should be supported its still a PA. I know that one day the grace will leave me to do this and I know that I will absolutely know it. I think I have second guessed myself far more in PA than in PB. I think it may have actually have served a purpose for the 90 days that I did it. I think that my H saw another side of me, one that can and will be able to live on with out any contact with him so I have no regrets in it. But now I am seeing progress again in my PA and for the most part my H is very kind to the kids again and to me and financially is taking care of us and securing a new place for us all with any legal paper work being filed. I am very happy for this as I do not want any legal papers filed because in CA i cannot protect DS10 from having to go to the barf shack....Oh by the way the Sea Hag is so very pissed that my H is not telling his kids about her. It pisses her off bad. I am fortunate that my H has never in 11 months brought my children around the Sea hag nor mentioned her in their presence.

I still leave a few nights a week and say Im out having coffee with a friend so he doesnt get used to loyal T2L. I went out with friends on Sat in a neighboring city and H kept texting me and sending me pics. He seemed uneasy that I was with my girlfriends.

Anyways so your updated. Probably not what you expected but hey I figure might as well be honest I figured you all probably guessed that much anyways.

So how are y'all!

{{{{Hugs}}}}

Actually, it's probably what we all expected. No screaming or ranting from the peanut gallery, as it was pretty predictable.

Truth is, you may recover your marriage in spite of not working the plans. I blew things a bit at the end and still recovered. But I realize that was in spite of my weakness and not because of it.

I think you may be kidding yourself that Plan A is the stronger path. I've seen many BS's here indulging themselves in that thinking because they were just too weak to follow through with Plan B. BS's who stay in an indefinite Plan A do so out of fear, not strength.




That type of thinking is what allowed your WH to have an affair. He's probably even said those exact words.

I really do hope and pray that your marriage will recover.

Are you back to attending church regularly?

*HUGS* ello LUv! truth is OW IS in fact LBing her but off. WH is spending less and less time with her....which may be good as he may have gotten himself into a situation he was unsure of how to get out of. It's like he's weening off her.

Statistics show...men are turned off when women bash other women.....She is doing the work for you there.

HI T2L!!!!!!!

WELCOME BACK!!!!!!!!

No 2x4's from me. I know it isn't "kosher" but it sure seems to me like the success stories usually go through at least one "coming home" before the WH meets all the requirements. Usually called false recovery, but I spose calling it a second PA fits as well.

And I am a fan of staying in the PA just as long as humanly possible.

Do you want to let us know details? or is now not a good time?

*HUGS*******!!!!!!!!!!

Finally young lady!

I've always thought that about Plan A. If the BS is STRONG enough to handle it and KNOWS when she/he's had enough before the LB is emptied completely... then they should go for it. As long as it's clear to their WS that it won't go on indefinitely.

I don't think my marriage would have recovered if I had gone to Plan B because back then because my DH was a "whatever" kind of guy. Don't call? Whatever. Don't come by? Whatever. He just didn't care about anything. Especially himself.

It's hard for me to say though because I never did either one.

You'll know when it's time to pull the plug.

G'morning. I have been going to church on Wednesdays and have been in prayer over this a feel confirmation came for what I am doing. You may be right statistically. Ya see I am no longer afraid of the big "D", of starting over, etc etc. No I sure don't want it but just like I have said all along I don't want it I want my marriage 1st but if that does not happen I know as sure as sparks fly upwards that I am going to live a happy life because that's my nature deep down inside.

This may look wrong in all ways but I had to follow my heart and the direction I felt to go. At 1st when I felt to go this route, I really argued and struggled with it believe or not but I came to fact that as long as I am obedient to do what I feel I am supposed to do no matter what happens I can live with MYSELF and not just an outcome. Does that make sense. Now I absolutely don't recommend what I am doing to everyone because my story is not true for everyone. I feel I am a grounded person with good morals and character and I try and search my hearts and motives in every situation. I try not to allow myself to give massive excuses and I don't feel my choice to go back into PA is an excuse but a choice. Some BS's must be in PB and there is no other choice for them. I do know my H still has a connection with me and for some reason he has not filed for D. I heard the other day from his brother that his mother(the skank that is supporting him) said well you know they will probably get back together. I think that's great but I know that this PA is not a lifestyle. I don't plan on living this way. I know the God I serve and he would not expect that from me. He has given me a grace for my H that supersedes my own thoughts and at times drives me crazy because I have gotten to point where I feel like C'ya later dude but then I feel a complete check in my heart that I am absolutely not supposed to do this YET. Now if my H had not been financially supporting us or I was worried for our safety, or he spent us into oblivion etc I would have slapped his butt with at least a LSA. But I have been fortunate. He has been supporting us, yup he was emotionally crazy and a bunch of entitlement going on but has not brought my children around that HO and does not expose them to her in any way which the state of Cali could careless about, he has been much gentler the last few weeks and calls the kids nightly. Yup Ho is still around, but I can see the calls are less and when they talk they talk for 5 mins and when we talk we talk for 30 mins or more and convo is one of his needs.

I don't want to be a bad example for others running the Plans because PB is absolutely necessary is many cases, I guess I posted for those few who may feel to go longer in PA or go back in PA but don't feel they have the support to do so. I think both plans in themselves are good plans. But for me this is the way I know I am supposed to go, I feel I am being led this direction and if I am wrong no biggie I'm not afraid of it anymore. Before I didnt want to do something wrong, but not I just want to be obedient, that's a little scarier to miss for me than being wrong.

Now here's my disclaimer, if your H is not financially providing for you, if he is exhibiting violence etc please protect yourself and do what you need to do. Don't make PA and excuse. I kicked H out because he yelled at my kids. He knows why. He knows I will slap his butt with papers because we have had several conversations where we joked about it. I am not a weak person and if you've met me you know that. Yes I am soft but that is not weak, yes I am compassionate but I am not weak. I can do this PA again because of the conditions surrounding me that may not be the same for you. Weigh it carefully because when they say you can lose your love you truly can, I've been pretty close but God has given me the ability to some how(beyond all reasoning of my own) the capacity to still love him.

Ok Janynepooh, details....well lets just say I've found things out because I've gotten the key! I wish I could let you all in! I am nervous that what I have uncovered could be found out it would be a huge LB! But I have read some stuff straight from the HAG! No neither H nor Hag knows. Let's just say I am not a computer scientist but I am computer savvy just a lil LMAO LMAO! Man its great. I know stuff some BS will never know! I hate the fact I may have to confess if he comes home but I guess I will have to trust his otherwise I ain't ever telling LOLOLOLOL. The hag is a massive manipulator and she hates DD18 more than me. The stuff they spew is just a piece of work. OW is visiting the myspace pages of me, DD18, my BFF, my other BFF, hope's, SIHW, my sons, gosh pretty much anyone I am in contact with. But last week We all locked our pages but DD18 didn't want to she messes with her on it. So yesterday alone she visited DD18's page 8 times. WE have secret trackers installed thats how we know. She is very worried about me, my fam and my friends. I told H last week about it.

I know because of my super sluthness LOL that the lease is up April 1st and that they stay til April 30th. I saw no renewal papers for the lease and H has told me he is not renewing the lease. Financially he cannot and I have verified he has luckily not been pouring money to the Hag. What he said about giving us most of the money was true. They split the rent in half and he pays like 1 utility. Thats it. He pays his personal bills and give the rest to us.

As stupid as it sounds he is more committed to me and the kids, not a full commitment obviously but imagine this. You are the Hag, your new man has not divorced his wife in 11 months, he gives her most of the money, you know that he is around her because you see it on myspace, he won't put his kids around you, and makes no commitment to you in anyway other than saying you are a couple.

But anyways I don't know how this will end but I've made choices I can live with long term even if the big D ends up being what happens, to me thats a form of recovery because when we all get here we can't imagine that or say that feel ok with ourselves know its a possibility.

So Janey what details?? Sorry I blabbed so long I forgot!

The Hag doesn't like DD18 because your dear dau has this really annoying habit of speaking her mind. Couple that with the fact that the stuff running around in her brain and out her mouth is the gosh-honest truth, and it shines a light on the Hag's cucaracha behaviors...well, HOW DARE AN 18 YEAR OLD SPEAK SOOTH?

Way to go, mom...teaching the kids morals and stuff. How could you?

(giggle)

Really tho...WAY TO GO!

You are a supa star!
I know you'll go faaa.
Weather together or alone.
As a strong beautiful woman you'll always be known.

And that's my random attempt at poetry for the day.


Btw I started the shakes this mornin.....ok the crush of my hunger cravings was instantanious.....I am lovin this.

Yes it gets even better the longer you take them. Right now yoru body is probably stabilizing esp if you have been on a sugar or carb binge. The great thing is adding these helps those massive cravings. I do not recommend eliminating carbs like Adkins but having a few good ones and in portion control. I usually have a piece of fruit like an apple or pear in afternoon when I get tired its a energy boost and then I have a portion at night with my dinner, but a good choice like sweet potato, or any potato, brown rice etc. I stay away from Pasta except for Sundays when I allow myself to have whatever I want that day.

I'm glad your liking them tho!

As an active wayward, I would have LOVED your new plan!

Keeps the fantasy alive that everything will work out for MY (waywards) benefit.

Happy Family
Happy OW
Happy Fantasy
Happy Divorce
Happily ever after

A Waywards dream



Sorry to rain on the "I'm happy for you" parade, because I'm very sad for you that you were not strong enough to protect yourself and your children from WH's Godless ABUSE right under your nose.

I'm praying for God to intevene in spite of your's and WH's pride.

I'm in tears for you, praying, because I know how waywards think.

What about like whole grain pastas? We started using those?

I will continue to pray for you and your family!

Trying, I am sorry but you won't end the affair with a plan A. Experts here can speak to you and we all care, but without a crisp, hard continuous plan B, you will definitly NOT end the affair. Even WITH THE PERFECT PLAN B you may not end the affair,,,,

But at least you will have a SNOWBALL'S CHANCE of ending it if you do a PLAN B. You will have ZERO chance of ending it with what you are thinking of doing now.

I disagree. Actually, I think she has a VERY good chance of ending it based on what I know about her and her husband personally.

Tst, but what you don't know is that OW is NOT happy. She is coming unglued and LBing all over the place. Her psycho behavior will go a long way in ending this affair. Her WH is already beginning to "see" her for what she is.

Plan A vs Plan B is no longer the issue IMO.

It comes down to T2L has shown that she is to weak to maintain boundaries on HER terms. As a FWH, this is EXACTLY how it looks.

WH has WON the little battles and has also now won the war.

He can cake walk, and he has prevailed! T2L is even going to reinforce his entitlement behavior by returning to a Plan A.

Even if WH comes home now... It will be an arduous and abusive recovery with such an unbroken WH.

I don't think so... how can you make such a bold declaration? Do you KNOW him? Do you KNOW for a fact that he is/will be unbroken?

I don't see T2L as weak AT ALL. I see her as a strong woman of God who KNOWS her husband well and LISTENS to what God is telling her.

PM, I'm only talking from a position of a wayward.
In my case, now a FWH.